Up In Klink's Room

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fräulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis

Guest Stars

 * Nurse Gerda - Victoria Carroll
 * Second Nurse - Muriel Landers
 * Dr. Klaus - Henry Corden
 * Major Zimmer - Forrest Compton

Synopsis
Hogan gets himself sent to the hospital so he can get information from a wounded agent.

Plot Details
The episode opens with Hogan and Klink playing chess in Klink's office. Hogan is using Klink's intense concentration on the game against him, as he rifles the papers in Klink's desk while the German officer remains fixated on the board. He is so intent on his game that he all but ignores Hilda when she brings him his dinner, so Hogan obligingly eats the chicken for him and empties his wine glass - quietly noting the excellence of the vintage. Klink grins, suddenly announces checkmate, then makes his move. Hogan professes surprise at Klink's concentration and playing skills, adding, "I wish you wouldn't eat while you play." Klink looks at his dinner plate. Only a chewed drumstick remains amid the vegetables. A knock is heard on the door, and then Carter lets himself in. "Sir, you're needed at the hut," he says. Hogan excuses himself politely and leaves. Klink, proud at winning the game, has also missed the fact that Carter appears to have called their barracks a "hut." He is left wondering at the chewed chicken bone as Hogan and Carter close the door behind them.

As they head back to Barracks 2, Hogan slips Carter a schedule of German military trains he had stole from Klink's desk. He tells Carter to pass it on to Kinch at "the hut" (which is slang for "communications hut," i.e. their secret radio) then asks, "What's up?" Carter passes him some bad news. An Allied agent posing as a German officer named Zimmer has been wounded, and is being put up at a nearby military hospital. "He's got a lot of top secret information," Carter says. "And they want us to get it," Hogan adds, almost casually. Carter wonders how they're going to get into a German hospital. Hogan smiles. "Visit a sick German," he quips, then says that Klink might have to go to that same hospital. "He's not sick!" Carter exclaims. "No, but he will be," says Hogan slyly.

Hogan and his men spend most of the next day trying to convince Klink that he is sick by any means they can. Their first opportunity presents itself almost immediately. Klink's car is in the motor pool shop with wheel bearing trouble, so he orders his motorcycle brought out. Hogan's men have already prepared the motorcycle for this occasion, and as Schultz starts it up and drives off, the sidecar comes off - spilling poor Klink out and into the mud. Hogan and his men surround him at once, begging him to lie still in case of whiplash and "maybe brain damage, too!" and Hogan calls for an ambulance. Protesting, Klink is carried inside and whisked away, while Hogan starts working on Schultz. He advises the fat sergeant that it would do his career a world of good to visit his commanding officer while he's in the hospital. Schultz could care less about Klink. "So what?" Schultz says. Hogan looks straight at him. "How are things at Stalingrad?" he says evenly. Schultz pauses a beat, then replies, "I'll go pick him up some nice flowers on my way." Hogan then promptly offers to go with him, and Schultz agrees. As they enter the hospital, Hogan nonchalantly strolls over to the reception desk and asks what room Major Zimmer is in. "Who is Major Zimmer?" Schutz queries. "Just a friend," Hogan says casually. He also learns that Zimmer is arriving at the hospital at 10 pm that evening.

In the meantime, Klink is behaving in a typical manner - he is trying to flirt, unsuccessfully, with a pretty young nurse named Gerda who is tending him. His efforts are interrupted by the arrival of Schultz and Hogan, and Gerda seizes the opportunity to flee Klink's room. Klink immediately jumps on Hogan. "You tried to kill me, that's what you did!" he says, shaking his finger at him. Hogan makes a play at polite protest, while at the same time massaging Klink's ego by comparing him to Napoleon. Just then Gerda returns with news that the results of Klink's tests are negative, and that he is free to leave. Frustrated, Hogan tries to convince Klink to stay the night, but to no avail. He even goes to the medico in charge of Klink, one Dr. Klaus, but succeeds only in being presented a copy of the doctor's book on rare diseases - as is everyone else at the hospital. Finally, grasping at straws, he claims that Gerda is secretly in love with him and was hoping he would stay. An eager Klink jumps back into bed at once ... only to find out that the shifts has changed, and that his new nurse - middle-aged, brusque, and rotund - is a far cry from the lovely Gerda. A frustrated Klink sends Schultz back to the camp for a fresh uniform - "and take that man with you!" he says, pointing at Hogan. "Out!"

Back at camp, the Unsung Heroes sit dejectedly around the center table in Barracks 2, wondering what they're going to do now. "It's simple," LeBeau says. "We just get somebody else admitted to the hospital." Newkirk glares at him. "Just who did you have in mind?" he asks sarcastically. Carter, in typical form, suggests that one of them jump off the roof and break his leg. Everybody just stares at him. "Sprained ankle?" he asks, but no volunteers. As Carter slowly winds down, Hogan begins thumbing through the book of rare diseases, written by Dr. Klaus, that he brought back with him from the hospital. "Why don't we pick one of the doctor's favorite diseases?" he says, flipping pages. He settles on a rare Eskimo disease named polaris extremis. "Sounds a bit naughty, doesn't it?" says Newkirk, grinning, as he reads the description and symptoms. "The only known treatment ... is extended bed rest in hospital!" Hogan grins broadly. "That's it!" he exclaims, then begins giving orders to his men ....

Klink is in Dr. Klaus' office, in the process of being discharged, when Hogan and Schultz walk in. Schultz has a fresh uniform for Klink, as ordered ... "and he insisted on coming along," he says, motioning to Hogan. The American colonel claims to have found the man responsible for sabotaging Klink's motorcycle, and calls Newkirk into the office. Hogan makes a show of berating Newkirk in front of the Germans, which impresses Klink, then takes off his jacket - revealing an Eskimo parka. This gets the attention of Dr. Klaus at once. Noticing this, Hogan begins conning him even as he rapidly proceeds through all of the symptoms of polaris extremis as fast as he can manage. The ruse works. Dr. Klaus orders him confined to a room at once for further study, despite Klink's vigorous protestations. Hogan is now set up to meet with the wounded agent, and he even manages an excuse to have Newkirk stay to help him. Shortly thereafter, downstairs in reception, a wounded German officer named Zimmer is checked in and ushered to one of the wards ....

Hogan and Newkirk are forced to play fast and loose with both the hospital staff and Schultz, who's supposed to be guarding them, in order to see Zimmer. They finally seize a moment where the two trade places, and Hogan slips out of the room under a nurse's cart. Once he gets to Zimmer's room, he gives the code word "moonglow" for recognition. Zimmer reveals that the battleship Tirpitz has left port and is headed for open sea - and the Murmansk convoy route. He gets back to his room just as Schultz has figured out that one of them is missing and is about to raise the alarm. Hogan gives Newkirk the intel from Zimmer while Schultz's back is turned, as the sergeant prepares to take Newkirk back to camp per Klink's orders. Both of them are stopped at the door by Dr. Klaus, who points at the RAF corporal. "This man has been exposed to polaris extremis!" he declares. "You are to stay here for a few days under observation. You must not leave this room, and that is an order!" Exasperated, Hogan stares at the floor. Schultz is forced to return to Stalag 13 empty-handed ... but Hogan has a plan. "Klink will get us home again," he says to Newkirk. He calls Hilda at Stalag 13 and arranges it so that Klink eavesdrops on the call. He then tells her that he and Newkirk are planning to escape the hospital that evening. Klink promptly rushes to the hospital and gets Schultz, then begins searching the outside grounds for his prisoners. He somehow manages to both miss Hogan and Newkirk, who are standing right behind him, so Hogan knocks over some garbage cans to get his attention. Klink turns to the noise, spots them, and promptly places them under arrest. "How does he do it?" Hogan says in mock surprise, looking at Newkirk. "I'll never know," Newkirk says dryly, looking back at him.

The next day in the camp motor pool, Hogan asks LeBeau if he has finally fixed Klink's staff car. "Oh, I fixed it, all right," LeBeau grins, even as Klink approaches and gets in. Schultz takes the driver's seat, even as Klink expresses surprise that Hogan is not upset for his attempted escape having been thwarted. "You wouldn't try to get even, would you?" he says with a smile. "Oh, no sir," Hogan says, smiling back. "But you did know I was taking a drive this afternoon ... along the river road? The steep hills?" says Klink, still smiling. Hogan looks upset. "Uhh, yessir," he says, tight-lipped. At once Klink gets out of his car and orders Hogan to go on the trip. Hogan complies, but has Schultz stop at Klink's office for a moment. As a surprised Klink watches, and as Hogan's men start grinning, his secretary Hilda bounces out of the building and into Hogan's waiting arms. The two of them get into the back of the staff car, and it drives out the camp gate ... with a dumbfounded Klink staring after it. "I thought you said you fixed the car!" he manages to say to LeBeau. LeBeau grins, watching Hogan and Hilda leave. "I did fix it," he says triumphantly. "It's perfect!" Klink scowls at him, then at the now-distant staff car as it drives away.

Story Notes

 * This is both the one hundred and thirteenth episode of the series and the one hundredth and thirteenth episode to be shown on television and is the twenty-first episode shown for the Fourth Season.
 * The title is a word play on the 1944 film "Up In Mabel's Room."
 * Some of the signs in the background of the motor pool loosely translates to "Requisitioned tools to be returned immediately", "Permit required for use of vehicle - Commandant Klink" and "Caution! Ramp."
 * A thinly veiled sexual joke about Hitler is made early in the episode, when Newkirk and LeBeau offer to mail the Nazi dictator a giant metal wienerschnitzel.
 * This is the first episode in which Hogan and Hilda get to spend some private time inside Klink's staff car. These activities will eventually reach their natural conclusion in The Experts.

Background Trivia

 * Both of the guest stars in this episode, Henry Corden and Forrest Compton, appear in other episodes of the series - always playing a different character each time.
 * This is one of two episodes in which German battleships are mentioned. This episode concerns intelligence on the wheareabouts of the Tirpitz. Hogan Goes Hollywood features a model of the Bismarck, sister ship of the Tirpitz.
 * "Moonglow" was the name of a popular song of the era. It was originally released in 1934 and has since become something of a standard among swing and jazz enthusiasts.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This is the second episode of the series in chronological sequence. Per the series timeline, it takes place after The Informer and before Cupid Comes to Stalag 13.
 * This episode takes place in mid-September of 1942. Hogan asks Schultz, "How are things at Stalingrad?" thus implying that the battle is still raging. Even more important for dating purposes, Hogan's contact has vital information on the whereabouts of the German battleship RKM Tirpitz. His description best fits the days following Operation Sizilien (or Zironella, aka Operation Sicily), notable for being the last offensive action of World War II in which the Tirpitz took part. The Tirpitz had already gone after Allied convoys earlier that year in Operations Sportpolast and Rösselsprung, both taking place prior to The Informer, the series' pilot episode. In the world of the series, this could very well indicate that the Tirpitz went on a third convoy hunt, operational name unknown, and that the intelligence gathered by our Heroes was timely enough to cut it short.

Quotes
Schultz enters the motor pool to check on the progress of Klink's staff car.


 * Schultz: Hey, guys! What are you doing?
 * Newkirk: Who? Us? What does it look like we are doing, Schultz? We are building a giant metal Wienerschnitzel.
 * Schultz: Oh, come on.
 * LeBeau: And then we send it to 'Hitler'...
 * Carter: For his birthday.
 * Schultz: Ridiculous! But it's not bad!

---

Reading from the book, Diseases of the Arctic


 * Newkirk: One of the rare diseases of the far north is polaris extremis. It is found only among Eskimos. Symptoms are: pain in nerve endings in fingers, craving for greens in the diet, peripheral motor vascular spasms in anterior mandible cartilage... ho-ho, sounds a bit naughty, don't it?
 * Carter: It's interesting, though
 * Newkirk: Yeah, well I think the butler did it.
 * Kinch: A man could get sick just reading the symptoms.

Bloopers

 * Hogan discards a half-eaten piece of chicken on Klink's plate. When Klink later picks it up, it is entirely consumed.