Praise the Führer and Pass the Ammunition

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fraulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis

Guest Stars

 * S. S. Colonel Deutsch - Frank Marth
 * S. S. Guard - David Frank

Synopsis
In celebration of Klink's birthday, the guys switch real ammunition for the fake stuff that is bound for some German war games.

Plot Details
A special detatchment from a regiment of the SS Liebstandarte, aka the Adolf Hitler Division (see armbands on uniforms), shows up at camp headed by its commander, SS Colonel Deutsch. They are in the area for war game exercises, and this is a courtesy visit. The SS colonel calls the POWs "pigs" and "swine" and Stalag 13 their "pigpen", seemingly to Klink's discomfort, and amuses himself by taking a German "potato stick" grenade from one of his escorts, pulling its fuse cord, then throwing it at them. Everyone dives for cover except for Hogan. Instead, he calmly walks up to the grenade, picks it up, and offers it back to the SS colonel. It is a dummy used for regimental training exercises. Hogan and Deutsch spar verbally, during which they express their disgust for each other, then Deutsch turns and leaves, letting Hogan keep the dummy grenade.

Inside Barracks 2, the men praise Hogan's bravado. Hogan advises them to pipe down, telling them to "give credit where credit is due. It was a brilliant practical joke... but we're going to have the last laugh." He proposes they sabotage the exercises by mixing in real ammunition and grenades with their blanks and dummy props, where they're going to get from Stalag 13's own camp arsenal. Kinch points out that their biggest obstacle will be Klink, as he tightens security and doubles the guard whenever important people- like the SS Liebstandarte- are visiting camp. Fortunately for the Unsung Heroes, Schultz shows up to cut a black market deal. He wants to buy a proper gift for Klink's birthday, which just so happens to be today, and which Schultz appears to have forgotten. After haggling with Newkirk, he eventually settles on a pair of horse-head bookends and leaves. As the door shuts behind Schultz, Hogan's face lights up. He didn't know it was Klink's birthday, and the event just might be the diversion they needed.

Shortly thereafter, Hogan drops in on Klink and offers to throw him a birthday part- complete with a cake and a stage show- all done by the prisoners. Klink initially resists the idea, but Hogan eventually convinces him into going along with it. Klink is tricked into believing that since all of the prisoners will be at the show, either performing, supporting, or watching, they can't pull any funny business or try to escape. By the end of the conversation, he is enthusiastic about the idea, and he even decides to ask Hilda to invite Deutsch and his staff to attend. Hogan has succeeded: he has his diversion.

Another wrinkle crops up later that day as the Unsung Heroes are in the midst of further planning. Kinch notes that Sergeant Richter is in charge of guard duty at the camp armory. "Old Ironside," Newkirk groans, rolling his eyes. Hogan waves it off. "We'll have to make sure there's a change in the guard schedule," he says, with the obvious and unanimously voted candidate Schultz. They quickly frame Richter for sleeping on duty and allowing Newkirk to steal a coatful of rifle bullets from the arsenal. Klink quickly changes the duty roster and puts Richter on report. Another obstacle averted.

That evening, the camp rec hall is packed with an enthusiastic crowd of prisoners. An excited Klink shows up, as does Deutsch, who is escorting Helga, and two of Deutsch's aides. Their seats are on the right front row. There's singing, dancing, jokes, and some magic acts, but Deutsch remains bored and is about to excuse himself. Newkirk notices this and intervenes, using Klink's cap to make some broken eggs disappear. Klink tries on the hat, only to be covered in yolk and embarrassed in front of the entire crowd. At that, the normally icy Deutsch bursts out laughing- amused by Klink's humiliation- and decides to stay for the rest of the two-hour show.

In the meantime, Hogan and four members of the Barracks 3 gang, disguised as German soldiers, borrow a truck from the camp motor pool and sneak over to the armory. While Hogan keeps Schultz distracted with a large piece of Klink's birthday cake, the others quickly load up the truck with as much real ammunition and grenades as they can carry. As soon as they're done, Hogan leaves Schultz to his cake and joins them, quickly putting on a German officer's cap and overcoat. Using the proper passes, they leave the camp in the truck and race for the SS Liebstandarte's nearby accommodations, where Hogan manages to bluff his way past the SS guard detail and add his live ammunition to their dummy rounds. By the time they get back to camp and Hogan returns to the show, he's just in time to see Klink, again, duped by Newkirk with trick candles on his birthday cake and made a fool of in front of everyone once more. He isn't too humiliated, though, as Hogan leads the rest of the prisoners into singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow".

The next day, it's business as usual at Stalag 13. Hogan is in Klink's office, being thanked for the birthday show, when a phone call comes through. A shocked Klink almost drops the receiver. There has been a major accident during the SS Liebstandarte's war games exercises, and there are a large number of casualties. Klink immediately promises to send what aid he can, then contacts the nearby hospital in Hammelburg to arrange prompt assistance. "A terrible tragedy just happened at the war games," he tells Hogan. "Some live ammunition got mixed up with blanks. Oh, it must have been horrible!" Ironically, Deutsch and his entire staff were killed by a live grenade thrown into their command post. Because of this, the SS Liebstandarte, "one of our crack field units," as Klink says, has been put out of commission for months. Klink admits he would have suspected Hogan had it not been for the birthday show. Hogan blandly assures him he would never try to pull anything on Klink- especially on his birthday.

In an odd little coda to the story, Schultz shows up again at Barracks 2 to buy another black market gift, this time for his brother-in-law, who is an avid beer drinker. Hogan has Newkirk break out "that new beer stein we just got in." Schultz is about to buy it when he notices a pair of initials engraved in its lid: "A.H." A look of dread washes over Schultz's face and he drops the stein, which LeBeau is quick to catch. "A.H. ... does that mean ... Adolf ... Hi-hi-hi-hi-?!" he stammers, unable to say the last name. "Yeah," Hogan assures him, "it's from his private collection." Schultz quickly decides to send his brother money instead and bolts for the barracks door, exclaiming, "Let him buy whatever he wants!"

Story Notes

 * This is both the fifty-first episode to be produced in the series and to be shown on television. It is the nineteenth episode for the second season.
 * The story's title is based on title of the wartime song, Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition.
 * Larry Hovis does not appear in this episode.
 * This is the second episode to feature members of the Adolf Hitler Division (SS Liebstandarte).
 * Sergeant Richter, the guard assigned to the arsenal, is known as "Old Ironside."
 * It is hard to see due to blurring of the background, but there appears to be a map of Denmark hanging on one of the walls of Klink's office. (about 10:20) This is the wall that is normally "missing" in most shots (from where the cameras would be shooting the scene). Why it's there is anyone's guess.
 * This is the only episode in which actor Ivan Dixon (Kinch) sings. He also sings back-up vocals for LeBeau's performance of "Alouette" in French, too. He also plays the cello
 * The signs on the SS ammo dump read WARNUNG: HOCH SPRENGGEFAHR (Warning: Dangerous Explosives and HALT! ENTRITT VERBOTEN (Halt! Entry Forbidden)
 * The "SS ammo dump" is in fact a large WWII U.S. Army portable barracks tent with a number of boxes- appropriately stenciled in German- stacked around and just inside a side entrance. It was likely temporarily set up on an open part of the outdoor lot where the series was produced. Filming this scene at night helps to hide this from the average viewer.
 * Stalag 13 has no medical facilities of its own, save the limited ones among the prisoners (Bad Day in Berlin). That's why Klink has to call Hammelburg for help when he's informed of the casualties at the SS war games instead of sending his own staff.

Background Trivia

 * Hogan uses one of Rod Serling's famed opening lines from the Twilight Zone TV series in describing what he and his men are going to do to the SS war games exercises: "Picture if you will ..."
 * Hogan uses the expression "the real McCoy" in describing a real German hand grenade.
 * LeBeau mentions the children's game ring-around-the-rosie.
 * A historical ship is referenced: "Old Ironsides," aka the sailing frigate U.S.S. Constitution.
 * Hilda most often wears the perfumes "Starlight Mist," "Fragrance of Paradise," and "Evening Passion" while at work at Stalag 13.
 * Newkirk (Richard Dawson) impersonates three major male Hollywood actors - Sidney Greenstreet, Peter Lorre, and Humphrey Bogart - "in a scene from any of their films" of the era. Newkirk appears to be ad-libbing scenes from both The Maltese Falcon (1941) and Casablanca (1942), which at that time were the only two movies all three had done together (they were reunited for Passage to Marseille in 1944). Newkirk goofs his impersonation, though, when "Sidney" addresses "Peter" by the name Wilmer. Lorre played the part of Joel Cairo in The Maltese Falcon, while Wilmer Cook was played by Elisha Cook, Jr.
 * This episode gives a bit of insight into POW camp wheeling and dealing, German guard-prisoner relations, and wartime black market operations within Germany.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This is the thirty-fifth episode of the series in chronological order, per the series timeline. It follows How to Win Friends and Influence Nazis, and is in turn followed by The Safecracker Suite.
 * There have been "over 200 attempts" at escape from Stalag 13 as of this date.
 * This episode takes place during the week of Klink's 50th birthday in the spring of 1943. Klink states in the episode, "Today I am 50 years old." The spring date is implied by Klink being a Taurus (The Gypsy).

Quotes
(Klink is welcoming the newly arrived Deutsch and his aides)

(Deutsch explains his regiment is conducting war game exercises near by and doesn't want any interference)
 * Klink: To have one of the truly great war heroes right here at Stalag 13 is a personal honor for me! You know, I've heard so much about you, sir!
 * Deutsch (apathetic, slightly humored): And I can't say the same about you.
 * Kinchloe (aside): What would they be doing here?
 * Hogan (aside): They really came to capture us again. Very thorough, the Germans.
 * Deustch (mockingly, watching the POWs) So, those are the pigs in your pigpen, eh?

(Klink boasts that Stalag 13 has never had any successful escapes) (Deutsch takes a grenade from a nearby escort) (Deutsch "detonates" the grenade and tosses it at prisoners) ---
 * Klink: (nervously laughs) Well uh, I suppose, if you want to call it that.
 * Deutsch: Tell me something, do the swine ever give you trouble?
 * Deutsch: I never worry about prisoners... I never take any.
 * Klink: ...You don't?
 * Deutsch: ...I like my enemy only one way: dead.
 * Klink: Colonel! What are-

(Hogan is handing the dummy grenade back to Deutsch)


 * Deutsch: My compliments, colonel. Tell me, how did you know it was a blank?
 * Hogan: Easy. If it were a live grenade, you would have been the first to run.

(Deutsch's smile quickly turns to a frown)


 * Hogan (continuing): You see, you and I both know that you're not a member of a super race.
 * Deutsch (coldly): After our war games, I shall teach you respect for the SS.
 * Hogan (evenly): I doubt it.

(Deutsch turns and leaves in a huff. Klink is pinned under Schultz, who jumped on top of him as soon as the grenade was thrown.)


 * Klink (muffled, wildly): Get him!! GET HIM OFF ME!!!!!

---

(Kinch, on Hogan)


 * Kinch: You're a genius! A diabolical genius!
 * Hogan: At school, I was voted most likely to be a troublemaker.

-

(Hogan, on Kinch)


 * Hogan: You know, Kinch, that's what I hate about you. Every time I start rolling [with an idea], you make sense [i.e., point out the flaws].

---

(Newkirk is showing Schultz a collection of black market goodies in an old army footlocker where he can choose something to buy)


 * Newkirk: A cigarette lighter. See the inscription? "From H.G. to J.G."
 * Schultz (impressed): "To H.G. from J.G." What does it mean?
 * Newkirk: To Herman Goring from Joseph Gobbels.
 * Schultz (unbelieving): How did you get it?
 * Newkirk (deadpan): Well, it was a mad weekend in Berteschgarden, while I was-
 * Schultz (interrupting him): NNNOOOOOO thank you! I am not interested in a lighter!

---

(Schultz, on the German military)


 * Schultz: We are a very neat army.

---

(Klink interrogates Hogan on the rifle bullets Newkirk has found)


 * Klink: We have ways to make you talk!
 * Hogan: Sir, you've been seeing too many war movies.

---

(Newkirk's opening joke from his birthday show routine)

(The crowd laughs) ---
 * Newkirk: You're probably wondering what we're doing here in the middle of Germany. Well, I'll tell you. We've been captured.

(Deutsch, on Klink when he cannot blow out his birthday candles)


 * Deutsch: You are a disgrace to the physical fitness of the German army!

Bloopers

 * Normally a "potato stick" type grenade is set off by twisting its head instead of pulling a fuse cord.
 * There's a hilarious bit in the series blooper reel from this episode, where Hogan (Bob Crane) keeps stuffing cake into Schultz's (John Banner) mouth again and again.
 * In real life, the Adolf Hitler Division was sent to the Russian Front in January 1943, several months prior to the time frame of this episode. They were involved in a war games exercise as described; however, that actually took place near the end of 1942, shortly before their departure.
 * Not a true blooper, but worthy of note. Schultz pays for his purchase in American money. Most buying and selling in WWII prison camps worked on the barter system, but in the rare cases where money was available and used, the type of currency honored among the prisoners depended on the individual camp and situation. It is conceivable that Schultz was paying in American dollars because that had been established as the predominant form of "camp currency" in Stalag 13, which was an abnormal POW camp rather than the norm. This helps to explain similar "camp currency bloopers" in other episodes. Most of Stalag 13's inmates are American, so it makes some sense, even if it is stretching historical accuracy. In real life, the predominant form of "camp currency" in almost all POW camps was the lowly cigarette, since most of the inmates smoked and cigarettes were hard to come by.