A Klink, A Bomb and a Short Fuse

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fraulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis
 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin

Guest Stars
None

Synopsis
General Burkhalter wants Hogan to defuse a bomb that has landed in camp.

Plot Details
It is daytime at Stalag 13 and the prisoners are milling around the outside of Klink's office. They are soon met by Newkirk who surreptitiously hands a book to LeBeau who in turn flicks through every page as Carter photographs them. They barely have enough time to get their work done before they are interrupted by an irate Klink. Hogan tries to head Klink off by claiming they are merely there to listen to him read Mein Kampf, but Klink refuses to believe them. As it turns out, the book in question is a Luftwaffe code book of great importance. Klink orders the prisoners into formation and has Schultz search them for the missing book. As the search begins, Klink notices that Newkirk was in his office, and searches him personally, though he finds nothing. They are soon visited by General Burkhalter who rebuffs Klink's toadying and insists he is there for an official visit. While they are talking, Schultz, having failed to find the book on the prisoners, searches Klink and finds it in his pocket, it having been placed there by the crafty Newkirk. Burkhalter berates Klink for bringing such an important piece of intel out of his office and heads for the office to discuss their meeting. Klink is held up by Hogan who feels the prisoners deserve an apology, but the irate Klink refuses to give one, touting himself up as the "supreme authority," of Stalag 13 and that no one is entitled to tell him what to do. A claim immediately disproved when Burkhalter shouts for him to return to his office.

Some time later, Hogan is enjoying a cup of coffee in the tunnels while the other Heroes are preparing to develop the pictures they took. Carter keenly points out that he had taken two pictures of each page in a different exposure before trailing off. The others assume he has become ill, but Hogan correctly guesses that Carter forgot to put film in the camera. Carter promptly berates himself and insists that he should be court-martialled, earning a simple "don't tempt me," from Hogan. They are contacted by London who wish to know their progress, and Hogan has Kinch tell them there would be a slight delay in getting the pictures to them. Newkirk openly questions how they will be able to get another chance to photograph the codebook's contents, but Hogan cryptically poses a quote by Thomas Edison that "genius is one tenth inspiration, nine tenths perspiration." And that they would provide the inspiration and let Klink provide the perspiration.

Meanwhile in Klink's office, Burkhalter is discussing the reason for his visit with Klink. Allied broadcasts have been detected in the area and Stalag 13 has come under suspicion as being the point of origin. Despite Klink's assurances that the matter is impossible, Burkhalter remains unswayed and unveils a signal finder which propmtly hones in on an area of the camp. Klink, knowing the area is Hogan's barracks, excuses himself and orders Schultz to get to Hogan and tell him to get rid of the radio if he has one, abandoning all pretense of his "perfect" prison camp. The heavyset Sergeant exhausts himself running over to the barracks and is forced to relay the message using body language. He manages to get his message across just in time for the Heroes to abort their broadcast. Burkhalter's party soon arrive, and hone in on a footlocker. Despite Hogan's protests, they open it only to find an active coffee pot. Klink insists that the Heroes will be punished for breaking the regulations on cooking inside the barracks and he, Burkhalter and Burkhalter's aide soon leave. The Heroes muse about how they cannot send messages now with the direction finder, but Hogan resolves to take care of their two problems one a time. Their first: Getting more pictures of the code book contents. Newkirk sarcastically suggests they simply go to Klink and ask him directly to get the book for them, which gives Hogan an idea. The Heroes, equipped with cameras, enter Klink's office and Hogan phones General Burkhalter under the guise of "Ludwig Linkmeyer" a local sausage maker. "Linkmeyer" claims that he has found a Luftwaffe codebook, and Burkhalter naturally assumes it is Klink's. The Prussian Colonel soon is phoned by Burkhalter and insists the codebook is still in his safe. He is ordered nonetheless to see if it's there, which he does, giving the Heroes the opening they need. After the call is completed, the Heroes distract Klink with the bogus story that they are there to take photographs of him for the barracks due to the "respect" they have for him. Klink is completely hoodwinked, and agrees to pose for their photographs, but fails to notice they are taking pictures of the book he forgot to put away.

Finally equipped with the Luftwaffe codes in their grasp, the Heroes ponder how they will be able to radio London to arrange a pickup, when their broadcasts will be found. While they are pondering, an air raid is happening outside the camp, which gives Hogan the idea of planting a fake bomb inside the camp, which will distract Klink and Burkhalter long enough for them to make their broadcast uninterrupted.

The next day, Hogan happens upon Schultz, Klink and Burkhalter gathered around a bomb in the centre of the compund. Klink is relieved that the bomb is inactive, but Hogan carelessly kicks it, activating its timer. Knowing that a disposal team wouldn't arrive in time, Burkhalter strikes a deal with Hogan for extra privileges in exchange for defusing the bomb, which Hogan agrees to. This is all being seen by Newkirk and LeBeau who are informed by Kinch that part of their tunnel system has collapsed and that Carter is trapped with the fake bomb and is now arranging the pickup with London. At this point Newkirk and LeBeau realise that the bomb inside the camp is real, and Kinch is soon sent to tell Hogan the bad news. The formerly cheerful and carefree American colonel is brought down to earth with the fact that he has been fooling with a real bomb, and remarks that Kinch has "taken all the fun out of this mission."

Some time later, a much more serious Hogan, assisted by Klink and Schultz sans Burkhalter, who has "an appointment in town," are carefully working on the bomb and have reached the fuse. Their situation comes down to a crossroads as there are two wires, black and white. One will defuse the bomb, the other will fire it up. Unsure of which to cut, Hogan asks Schultz for his input, which he delegates to Klink. Klink suggests cutting the white wire, but Hogan cuts the black one, successfully defusing the bomb. Klink angrily asks why Hogan bothered asking him for his input if he knew which wire to cut. Hogan, regaining his characteristic self, remarks that he "wasn't sure which was the right one, but I was certain you'd pick the wrong one," much to Klink's chagrin.

Story Notes

 * This is the thirty-eight produced episode of the series and the fortieth episode to be shown on television, and is the eighth episode of the Second Season.
 * This is the first episode to feature no guest stars.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * The actions of our heroes in the first part of this episode center around a new codebook that Klink has just received from the Luftwaffe. In real life, the Luftwaffe changed the design of its Enigma coding machines in July of 1944. An extra plugboard switch was added, which required that all of the code keys in use be changed accordingly.