Art for Hogan's Sake

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin
 * Corporal Karl Langenscheidt - Jon Cedar

Guest Stars

 * 1st Gestapo Man - John Crawford
 * Suzette - Ina Victor
 * Verlaine - Norbert Schiller

Synopsis
Hogan tries to keep a French painting from ending up in Göring's art collection.

Plot Details
A German staff car is brought to a halt due to an allied air raid, the occupants, two Wehrmacht soldiers and General Burkhalter are forced to take cover on the side of the road, but not before taking a wooden crate from their car with them.

Some time later, Burkhalter arrives at Stalag 13, interrupting the prisoner's game of soccer. Their interest is piqued as the wooden crate is brought to Klink's office and they inform Hogan, who is (rather uncomfortably) having a haircut from Carter. After hearing about the crate, Hogan assigns LeBeau to watch Klink's office with the excuse of cleaning the outside windows, before reminding Carter, who is having trouble cutting the hair around Hogan's ears, that his blood type is listed on his dogtags, just in case.

As LeBeau watches from the outside of the windows, Burkhalter explains that the crate contains a gift, and promptly denies Klink's assumption that the gift is for him. Burkhalter informs Klink that on his recent trip to Paris for "military business", he noticed that Reichsmarschall Hermann Göring's birthday was coming up, and so he went to the Louvre and "borrowed" Édouard Manet's painting "The Fifer" (which Burkhalter refers to as "The Boy with the Fife"). His intention is to give it to the Reichsmarschall on his birthday, knowing his fondness for art. However, since the Allies have increased their bombing raids, he wants to keep the painting at Stalag 13 in the meantime, knowing the Allies wouldn't bomb a Prisoner of War camp. On his way out, Burkhalter declares that if anything happens to the painting, he will shoot Klink personally before musing that being able to do so might be worth losing the painting for. As the two leave the office, the patriotic and very angry LeBeau enters through the window and steals the painting from its frame.

Some time later, Hogan confronts LeBeau about the theft, having been informed by Klink who isn't merely angry, he's "having kittens" over it, an act deemed "biologically impossible" by Carter, earning the usual incredulous regard from the rest of the Heroes. Hogan asks for the painting, which LeBeau reluctantly shows him, but refuses to give it back. Hogan reminds him that if Burkhalter finds out the painting is stolen, Klink will either be shot, or transferred, resulting in a new Kommandant, which could spell doom for their operations. Seeing sense, LeBeau hands the painting over, but an idea comes to Hogan as they go to leave. He tells the Heroes that London is very interested in information regarding anti-airfcraft units and other military fortifications, and there are many such targets on the way from Stalag 13 to Paris. LeBeau asks how they'd be able to get to Paris, and Hogan replies that "75 years ago, a man named Manet painted us a ticket."

Klink is meanwhile giving directives to Schultz in the search for the painting, but is interrupted by Hogan who informs him that the painting has been found. Klink is incredibly relieved and commends Hogan as the American colonel pours a bag of ashes into a bowl on Klink's desk. The Kommandant is livid upon understanding Hogan's actions, and demands to know what happened. LeBeau "confesses" to have burned the painting rather than let the Germans have it. Klink orders Schultz to prepare a court martial, and insists it will be fair, with the verdict being execution via firing squad. Hogan adds that the same firing squad could be used for LeBeau's execution and Klink's, reminding the Prussian colonel that Burkhalter will hold him liable for the painting's destruction. Seeing Klink's desperation, Hogan suggests that it might be possible for the painting to be duplicated by one of LeBeau's acquaintances in Paris, but reasons that Klink cannot go himself, as no Frenchman would willingly help a German officer in wartime and thus suggests that only himself and LeBeau go. Seeing no other choice, Klink agrees on the condition that Schultz and Corporal Langenscheidt go with them.

The four leave in a staff car, but pull up out of sight of the camp. Hogan insists that Schultz put on a general's uniform in the event they are challenged. Schultz reminds them that they have written orders from Klink in case that happens, but Hogan brushes it off by pointing out that "outside Stalag 13, the word "Klink" means two glasses have been knocked together," before convincing Schultz to wear the uniform.

As the four sit outside a cafe in Paris, with the plain-clothed Hogan and LeBeau taking down troop numbers, and Schultz and Langenscheidt simply enjoying wine, two Gestapo officers approach the cafe and take seats. Hogan and LeBeau are soon met by LeBeau's artist friend Verlaine and his daughter Suzette. LeBeau explains the situation to them and arranges a note to be given to Schultz before leaving. They are followed however, by the two Getstapo officers.

Some time later in Verlaine's house, the artist prepares to begin a copy of the painting, which was never burned to begin with, much to Schultz and Langenscheidt's chagrin as they realise that they have been tricked. Hogan talks the two into looking the other way by pointing out that they could very easily be incriminated. The two agree to let the matter drop just as the Gestapo arrive. All but Suzette hide as she tries to stall the Gestapo as they search. They soon find the room Hogan, LeBeau and the others are hiding in and are about to search it when "General" Schultz steps out, he claims to be Suzette's uncle and brazenly threatens the two for disturbing them and intimidates them into leaving, before helping himself to more wine and crediting his tough attitude to him "being loaded."

The painting is soon completed and is an excellent copy of the real painting, which Verlaine is tasked to keep hidden until after the war. Hogan celebrates with a kiss from Suzette, and Schultz and Lagenscheidt celebrate with yet more wine.

After the four's return to Stalag 13, Klink presents the false painting to General Burkhalter. Klink is eager to get Burkhalter's examination with over quicly, however Burkhalter believes that the painting "looks different," and insists on studying it further. Hogan and LeBeau intervene and the American colonel claims LeBeau is an art student and could verify the painting's authenticity. LeBeau examines it and declares it to be a copy, to Klink's horror, but further goes on to lyingly claim that the real painting had already been taken by Göring and was replaced in the Louvre by a copy and that "this must be it." Upon hearing this, Burkhalter thanks LeBeau and even Klink for being saved from the ramifications of giving  Göring a copy of a painting he already had as a gift. Klink tries to offer his suggestion for an alternative gift, but Burkhalter simply tells him to "not press his luck," as they leave. Hogan, LeBeau and Schultz celebrate with Klink's liquor and Hogan openly wonders how Klink became a colonel, with Schultz musing that "someone must want us to lose the war."

Some time later, as Hogan is dictating the troop numbers they gleaned from their trip to Paris, they are interrupted by Schultz who delightedly tells Hogan that Klink granted him a 12 hour pass in gratitude for his efforts to collect the copied painting. He informs Hogan that he is going to meet a young lady during his leave and asks if he can borrow the general's uniform for the outing. Hogan agrees and has Carter and LeBeau salute "my son, the general."

Story Notes

 * This is the forty-third episode produced in the series, but is the forty-eighth episode to be shown on television and is the sixteenth episode for the second season.
 * Corporal Langenscheidt develops a case of the Schultz "I see nothing" mentality in this episode: he looks the other way without explanation when he and Schultz sees the prisoners with the 'destroyed' painting.
 * Hogan had previously taught Schultz how to behave as a German officer in The Great Impersonation. This time around, he is good enough to fool even the Paris Gestapo.

Timeline Notes and Specuations

 * This most likely takes place sometime near the end of December, 1943 and possibly goes as late as the first week of January, 1944. The comment is made near the beginning of the episode that "Göring's birthday is only a few weeks away." Hermann Göring's birthday was on January 12. Also, as alluded to in the episode, he was the biggest Nazi art thief of the war.
 * This happens after The Collector General. Newkirk's remarks in that episode appear to imply that it was the first time that our heroes had to deal with the Nazi looting of national art treasures from occupied countries.

Quotes

 * Hogan: Outside Stalag 13, the word Klink means that two glasses have been knocked together.


 * Hogan: Schultz, we're in Paris! You're a general! - half smashed on good wine! What more do you want?
 * Schultz: I want the truth! THAT 's what I want, the TRUTH!
 * Hogan [clearly anticipating the answer to what he's asking]: What is the truth, as you see it?
 * Schultz: [pauses, considers the bottle of wine in his hand, then] I see nothing, I know nothing! [swigs]

Half-smashed "General" Schultz scares away the Gestapo officers:
 * Schultz: I'll tell you something: should it ever happen again, I will report you to your superior officer... and then to his superior officer... and then even to HIS superior officer! I will report you all the way up - until it comes back to me. And if I ever report it to myself... ohhhhh BOY are you going to be in trouble!

Schultz and Langenscheidt find out that the painting has not been burnt:
 * Schultz: That's right, get the p... Wait a minute. This is the picture that was burned up.
 * Langenscheidt: Ja, there is something wrong here.
 * Schultz: You're part of it, shut up.

Bloopers

 * When Schultz says "Lucky for you, I was loaded," his lips don't quite match up with the soundtrack - suggesting that either John Banner flubbed the line (in an otherwise perfect take) or the scripted words were changed for some reason after filming, requiring him to dub the line in post-production.
 * Leon Askin (Burkhalter) refers to the stolen painting as "The Boy with the Fife" when its actual title is "The Fifer." Whether this was for character reasons or not is unknown.