The Scientist

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars
None

Guest Stars

 * Professor Altman - Parley Baer
 * Marie DuBois - Jayne Massey
 * Henri DuBois - Maurice Marsac
 * Oscar Schnitzer - Walter Janowitz
 * 1st Officer - Forrest Compton
 * 2nd Officer - Buck Young
 * German Sergeant - Robert Champion
 * Captain Krug - Bard Stevens

Synopsis
LeBeau pretends to be a famous French scientist who is visiting camp while Hogan smuggles the real one out.

Plot Details
The episode begins with two of the window shutters of Barracks 2 being closed. The barracks' door then opens, revealing Schultz and another guard. Schultz tells the prisoners that the Kommamdant has ordered that none of them are to go near any doors or windows and that they are to be confined to the barracks until further notice. The prisoners quickly protest with LeBeau saying that what the Germans are doing is against the Geneva Convention, Kinchloe claiming that it is against the rules of organized warfare and Hogan adding that its even against the Interstate Commerce Commission. Schultz replies that those are Klink's orders before complaining about the prisoners giving him grief over them before he closes the door behind him and the other guard. The prisoners, now made curious by the sudden orders, go over to the sink, where Hogan proceeds to use the sink periscope, where he soon sees a civilian being led by two German officers towards the storage building which they have been cleaning out during the past week. Thinking that it might be important and that Schultz would probably know what is really going on, Hogan tells Carter to go out and inform Schultz that there is an extra seat at the blackjack game before he tells Newkirk to actually start the game.

During the card game, Schultz is losing badly. When he attempts to place a bet of 25 Marks to continue in the game, Newkirk refuses as he has already lost 300 Marks, or at least not without Hogan's say so. After being called over by Newkirk, Hogan hears Schultz ask for the money to help cover his debts for the next game. Hogan "refuses", reminding Schultz that gambling is against the rules, especially with prisoners, and that Schultz would be in trouble if Klink ever found out, claiming a trip to the Russian Front would be the result. After hearing the others beg him to give Schultz the money, Hogan agrees, in exchange for Schultz revealing to them who is the civilian that they had just seen being snuck into camp. Schultz refuses to reveal the secret and is about to leave the barracks when Carter reenters the building, claiming that he has overheard two guards talking about the civilian and then whispers to Hogan who they said his name is. Schultz laughs at this, while claiming that only he knows, via Klink, that the civilian is actually a captured French scientist, before realizing that he has goofed. He then reveals to them that the scientist is actually Henry DuBois and that he is there to conduct some secret experiments for the Germans. Schultz is then allowed back into the game, where he starts winning. Later, inside the tunnels, Kinchloe pass over to Hogan a radio message from London saying that DuBois is a synthetic fuel expert and a known French collaborator. London tells Hogan that he is to get DuBois to change sides or else eliminate him and his work.

Hogan is next seen inside Klink's office, sitting down in a chair while talking with Klink, who asks Hogan how has had found out about DuBois being at the camp. Hogan, as he smokes a pipe, answers Klink by telling him that a POW camp is like a beauty parlor, where people gossip and hear rumors about people possibly being sent to the Russian Front. Klink quickly denies such a rumor, claiming that he is needed there. While Hogan agrees with him, he informs Klink that his men are busy knitting him a beautiful muffler just in case, as he uses Klink's helmet to clean out his pipe. Klink snatches the helmet away from Hogan and after putting it back atop his desk, asks him what this has got to do with LeBeau. Hogan responds by claiming that DuBois has caught sight of LeBeau and has asked LeBeau to work with him in his lab, after recognizing who he is. When Klink asks why LeBeau, Hogan claims that LeBeau is a famous chemist in Paris, the discoverer of Hemolac. Klink is surprised to hear that, although having no idea what Hemolac is, since he has known LeBeau only as a chef for the prisoners. Hogan gets around this by claiming that a chemist and a chef is about the same, before working on Klink's ego by suggesting that he would receive the credit for helping to speed up DuBois's experiments. Klink gets thoughtful on this, as he thinks about the congratulations that he would get from General Burkhalter for this. Hogan then comments how surprised he is to see Klink thinking so far ahead, while secretly using his helmet again, now as an ash tray.

Klink then comments that LeBeau has refused to cooperate. Not liking that, he asks for LeBeau to be brought into his office. LeBeau then enters the office, announcing that he would not work for DuBois, in spite of Klink's threat of making him do so, but, as he gives Klink his name, rank and serial number, LeBeau soon becomes stuck when he tries to recall his serial number. This bothers Klink, as he can't see how someone who is suppose to have discovered Hemolac can't remember his own serial number. Hogan quickly claims that all scientists are like this, saying that at one time Einstein has even forgotten his pants. Klink, as he ignores that, orders LeBeau to assist DuBois, before dismissing both him and Hogan from his office. The pair then leaves.

LeBeau is then led, under armed guard, to the storage building where DuBois is conducting his experiments. After he is put into the building by one of the guards, a surprised DuBois greets LeBeau, who, as he refuses to shake his hand, tells DuBois that he has been assigned to him as his assistant. DuBois tells LeBeau that he does not need help, nor has he asked for anyone to be assigned to him. LeBeau then tells him that he is there on Klink's orders. DuBois, upon hearing this, then says he has no choice. Not too long after hearing DuBois' comment, an angry LeBeau says that he does have a choice, before suddening grabbing the scientist by the collar of his smock, and after slamming him hard against a cabinet, telling him that he should either work for the Allies or die, and that he would willingly kill him if he refuses to do the former. He then calls him a collaborator. Upon hearing that, a now angry DuBois pulls himself out of LeBeau's grip, while informing him that he is not a traitor, and that in fact he has been performing some useless experiments so that he would not actually be helping the Germans, and that at the moment he doesn't know what else to do to continue not helping them. He also tells LeBeau that he is there because the Germans are presently holding his daughter, Marie DuBois, hostage in town, and he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her. After hearing that, LeBeau suggests to him that they could for the time being delay things further by making crêpe suzettes for themselves, to which his fellow Frenchman enthuisastically agrees.

Later, in front of Barrack 2, as Carter, Kinch and Newkirk are filling up a barrel with water from a bucket, and Hogan supervises them from inside an open barrack's window, as they are being watched by Schultz, Carter informs the others that LeBeau has told him that DuBois has said that he would not leave without his daughter. Kinch and Newkirk then comments that the girl is too well guarded inside the Hauserhof to be rescued by them. Hogan's solution to their dilemma is to attempt to rescue her anyway. Newkirk, although shocked a little by Hogan's confidence that they can rescue the girl, asks him how they are going to do it. When Hogan asks his men how many men would probably be protecting the girl at the hotel, Carter quickly replies probably two to three squads, while Kinch adds with a Captain or Major as well. Newkirk then adds that it might as well be a General there, if they plan to get her out of the hotel because of that many men guarding her. Hogan replies why not a General, since he would force the other German officers to give her to him, before he places a coin over an eye and then pretends to be General von Himmelburger, while making Newkirk come to attention. Schultz, as he hears Hogan pretending to be a General, snaps to attention as well and starts to salutes him, before realizing that it is actually Hogan whom he is saluting, as Newkirk drops the bucket. Schultz then ends the salute while not happy over being tricked.

The next scene has a disguised Hogan (as SS General von Himmelburger of the Führer's staff) and Newkirk (as his aide Pootzie) arrive outside of the hotel in a motorcycle with a sidecar that they had secretly borrowed from the stalag's motor pool. The pair then walks into the hotel lobby, where they are soon saluted by several German soldiers who are obviously part of the detail guarding the girl. Once inside, the disguised Hogan orders that Marie be brought down and placed into his machine. When his orders are questioned by one of the guards, Hogan threaten the soldier with having him sent to the Russian Front. He is then approached by first the 1st Officer, whom he threatens with having him court-martialed and shot because he didn't greet him quickly enough, and then by the 2nd Officer, who are the leaders of the guard detail. After the 2nd Officer informs him that he would need to see his authorization papers first before releasing Marie into his custody, Hogan pretends to go into a very nasty tirade, soon smashing several objects, knocking down a row of rifles, and even slapping a pair of soldiers, while threathening the 2nd Officer with a combination of being court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian Front, before then threatening everybody within the room (including the hotel itself) with a trip to the Russian Front, if he isn't given the girl within five minutes. Hogan then goes outside, shortly followed by Newkirk, leaving behind them a very confused group of Germans.

Once they were in the courtyard, a worried Newkirk asks Hogan what they would do if they aren't given the girl after his tirade. Hogan replies that they would be the ones headed for the Russian Front. Newkirk agrees before reminding Hogan that they needed to get out of there quickly since he has to return the motorcycle to the motor pool. The 1st Officer and 2nd Officer then exits the hotel, a slightly confused Marie in tow, just within the deadline. After thanking them for their cooperation, Hogan and Newkirk sit back down inside the motorcycle, with Marie soon placed atop Hogan's lap, and the trio then leave the hotel's courtyard, to the relief of the two officers.

Later, Henri, under the cover of darkness, is seen leaving the storage building with LeBeau, who leads him towards the stalag's dog kennel. At the kennel, they are met at the entrance by Oscar Schnitzer, who would be driving DuBois out of the camp inside his truck, with LeBeau informing DuBois that the dogs inside are only a danger to the Germans. After thanking LeBeau for his help, DuBois enters Schnitzer's truck while LeBeau slips into the kennel before entering the doghouse tunnel entrance. A short time afterwards, inside the nearby woods, DuBois is reunited with his excited daughter, Marie, as a still disguised Newkirk looks on. Newkirk soon informs the two that they had to leave so that they could reach the sub that would take them to England. Back inside the camp, Kinchloe receives radio confirmation that the sub would pick the pair up within the next 24 hours. At the same time, Hogan and LeBeau are telling Klink, as he puts on a bathrobe over his pajamas, that DuBois has just escaped. The news worries Klink, after he has asked LeBeau if he has helped DuBois escaped, since a Professor Altman would soon be arriving from Berlin to inspect the progress of DuBois' work, and he fears that he would be blamed for DuBois' disappearance. This bit of news Hogan quickly decides to use to his advantage, as he suggests to Klink that he should stall Altman by presenting LeBeau to him as DuBois, while his guards searched for the real DuBois, since Altman has never met the DuBois. Klink soon agrees to the idea. LeBeau doesn't, but he doesn't say that to either Klink, or Hogan, especially after Klink informs Hogan that he would hold him responsible if the plan fails and Hogan, in turn, tells LeBeau that he would hold him responsible if he's held responsible for the plan's failure.

Once inside the barracks, though, Hogan learns from LeBeau that he and DuBois has only been making crêpe suzettes while inside the lab, thus he has no idea about what to tell Altman to keep him from knowing that he isn't Henry DuBois. Still needing time for the sub to pick up the DuBoises, Hogan tells Carter to teach LeBeau chemistry, because of his own apparent knowledge of mixing chemicals. Carter quickly tells Hogan that he can't teach LeBeau chemistry since he didn't know it that well himself, although he does mentions that he did run a drug store back in Muncie, Indiana before the war. Hogan thought that would be enough, until Carter informs him that where he worked was more a dry goods store than a pharmacy. Carter then pulls out of his back pocket a handbook on Pharmacy which he said he have had with him for two years as he plans to take the Pharmacist exam when he gets home after the war. Hogan takes the book from Carter and gives it to LeBeau, telling him to study it so that he can convince Altman that he knows Chemistry. LeBeau takes the book, not sure that he could actually pull it off. The following day, a disguised LeBeau is in the lab with Klink, being introduced to Altman and his companion, Captain Krug, who are both eager to see the progress of his (DuBois') work. After a short conversation between them, a nervous Klink leaves LeBeau alone with Altman and Krug. LeBeau then suggests that the pair sit down, and as they do, he places the handbook inside the open draw of a table to use it as a sort of cheat sheet. He then introduces to them his assistant LeBeau (actually a disguised Newkirk) who is carrying a serving tray with a bottle of wine and several glasses. LeBeau, after claiming that a little refreshment helps to make work easier, suggests that they all have a drink, which they do.

After that, LeBeau starts talking, trying to explain to the two Germans why in general it has been so hard to create synthetic fuel, which Altman quickly acknowledges has been the Germans' own problem. LeBeau, as he takes a peak at the open book, claims that using emulsions would help to solve the problem. Altman, believing that what LeBeau is telling him is true, thought that it is a brillant, yet simple, solution to the problem. When Altman then asks him if he uses either positive or negative ions in his experiment, LeBeau bluffs him by commenting what a question before asking him what they are being taught in Berlin. When he goes on to describes the process itself, LeBeau looks back at the book, and almost gives himself away when he mentions the need for a doctor's prescription, but covers that up by claiming that he is also a MD, and therefore he thinks like one, which produces an okay sign from Newkirk as the Germans believe him. As Captain Krug and Altman continues drinking, LeBeau continues to describe the (fake) process to be used until he reaches the end of the page, whereupon he claims that the next part is for him to wash his hand, which he does by going over to the sink. As he washes his hands, this produces a comment from Altman about the French being so sanitary. Meanwhile, inside the radio room, Hogan, as Kinch watches, is contacting London, asking them to inform the prisoners once the DuBoises have reached the sub.

Back in the lab, Altman is talking with LeBeau, surprised by his claim that a couple of very different ingredients could actually be used as a catalyst for his experiment. LeBeau quickly adds that they can also be used to help relieve nasal congestion, much to his surprise and to the German scientist's own happy surprise, as he has sinus trouble, while at the table, Newkirk and Captain Krug both appear to be getting drunk from the wine. At that moment, inside the radio room, Hogan, Kinch and Carter are told by London that the sub has finally picked up the DuBoises. Upon hearing that, Hogan tells Carter to go to the lab to inform LeBeau and Newkirk. In the lab, Altman and LeBeau are still talking, with Altman telling LeBeau that he has earlier been worried that the catalyst wouldn't work, but is now sure that it would, while LeBeau reminds him that it would also break up nasal congestation. Altman then tells him that it would save the Germans hours of work, before Carter enters the room. Carter quickly informs LeBeau that the packages (the DuBoises) have safely arrived. LeBeau then informs Altman that the packages in question contains chemicals that he needed for his experiments as Carter leaves. At this point, Altman decides to leave as well, so that LeBeau could get back to his experiement, joined by a less than sober Captain Krug. The pair then leave. After they are gone, LeBeau and Newkirk start to celebrate the fact that they have been able to outsmart the two Germans, as Krug has earlier told them that he believe that everything is in order. Their celebration stops as soon as Altman comes back into the room. The German scientist asks LeBeau to save some of the emulsion for him so that he can use it to help break up his nasal congestion. After he leaves, they start to celebrate again, while keeping in mind that the pair plan to come back the next day to see some more experiments.

Later, Carter is seen exiting the lab as LeBeau eats an apple. After Carter has walked past him, LeBeau heads towards the Kommandant's office and Kinch, who is seen standing next to a trash can. LeBeau then turns around and walks away, soon followed by Kinch. Hogan, who is presently watching them from inside Klink's office, is soon talking with Klink, who is still worried about the fact that his men have been unable to find Henry DuBois and he fears that their ruse will be discovered by Altman the next day when he comes back for another inspection and demonstration. As Hogan suggests to Klink that he should calm down, Kinch walks past Newkirk, who then signals to Hogan that everything is ready. Hogan then tells Klink that he shouldn't worry about Altman returning as DuBois has been killed in a lab explosion. When a surprised Klink asks Hogan when that has occurred, Hogan looks at his watch and does a quick countdown, at the end of which is heard an explosion from the lab, where Carter has moments earlier planted a bomb inside. As an even bigger surprised Klink holds onto his helmet, Hogan, as he brushes off some dust, asks him "Any questions?" Klink doesn't respond.

Story Notes

 * This is the thirteenth produced episode of the series, but is the twelfth one to be shown on television.
 * Hogan uncharacteristically smokes a pipe in this episode. Humor is added when he uses Klink's spiked battle helmet to clean out this pipe.
 * Up to this point in the series, Hogan's men have been drinking coffee from a bright red coffee pot. Perhaps realizing that prisoners should have more worn-out looking utensils, the coffee pot was painted a dull red. The bright red coffee pot was also visually distracting in the prisoners' drab/brown barracks and with everyone wearing either brown or muted color uniforms, the bright red would stand out in every shot.
 * The first allusion that Klink's living quarters are attached to his office is when he comes through a door leading to his secretary's office, dressed in his robe. Just to note: in the coming seasons, that door is almost never used.
 * General Albert Burkhalter is mentioned in this episode.
 * This is the first episode in which LeBeau is referred to by either Colonel Klink or Sergeant Schultz as 'The little cockroach'.
 * Parley Baer, who plays Altman, is best known as Mayor Stoner from The Andy Griffith Show.
 * The Hauserhof Hotel's odd appearance comes from it being a WWII redressing of Desilu's/40 Acres' stock western Mexican cantina set.
 * A code of conduct is mentioned in the episode: The Geneva Convention.
 * An American governmental agency is mentioned: Interstate Commerce Commission.
 * A famous scientist is mentioned: Albert Einstein.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This episode appears to take place sometime between late 1943 and early 1944. References are made to the German production of synthetic fuels, which were hitting their peak right about that time.

Quotes
As Hogan tries to convince Klink allow LeBeau to work with Henry DuBois:


 * Klink: What is this about LeBeau?
 * Hogan: Oh, yeah. Monsieur DuBois caught sight of him this morning and immediately asked him to work in his laboratory.
 * Klink: But why LeBeau?
 * Hogan: You have never heard of Louis LeBeau? The man they call 'Mr. Test Tube' at the Ecole de Chimie in Paris?
 * Klink: He's a chemist?
 * Hogan: In France, he's known for the discovery of Hemolac!
 * Klink: He...Hemolac? What is Hemolac?!
 * Hogan: That's a problem for after the war: What is Hemolac?

As Hogan and his men discuss how to rescue DuBois' daughter:

(Hogan salutes, and Schultz quickly realizes his mistake)
 * Newkirk: What different does it make? Might as well be a bleedin' General. (Dumps water from a bucket into a barrel.)
 * Hogan: Why not a General? If a General showed up at the Hauserhof and demanded the girl...
 * Newkirk: Where are we gonna get somebody like that? He comes up with ideas...
 * Hogan: (in German accent with a coin as a monocle) You will stand at attention when General von Himmelburger addresses you! (Newkirk drops the bucket and starts to stand at attention.)
 * Schultz (enters scene): Jawhol, Herr Gener...

Hogan and Newkirk, disguised as General von Himmelburger and his assistance, are trying to get Marie DuBois placed in their custody:


 * 2nd Officer: Sir, I regret, but we must have written authorization, please. Bitte?
 * Hogan (as von Himmelburger): You dare to question the authority of General von...von...von...
 * Newkirk: ...Himmelburger.
 * Hogan: ...Himmelburger? This man will be court-martialed, shot AND sent to the Russian Front! Now listen to me, all of you. My patient is at an end. (smashes a pencil holder and a lamp) I want this girl brought down and put in my machine in five minutes! (smashing plates and glasses) Repeat, five mintues! (smashing) If you do not follow my orders within that time (smashing) you will all be transferred to the Russian Front! Including the hotel itself! (Breaks some more dishes) Ja! Do you hear me?
 * Newkirk (after Hogan has smashed several more vases, knock down some rifles, hits one soldier's helmet and slaps another one in the face): He means it. I know him. (Outside the hotel, talking to Hogan after all of the chaos) What do we do if they don't bring the girl out?
 * Hogan: We go to the Russian Front!
 * Newkirk: Better hurry up, then. I got to get the motorcycle back to the pool. (As the girl is being brought to them by the Germans) Better watch it.

Hogan talking with LeBeau after promising Klink to stall for time while pretending to help him find DuBois.


 * Hogan: Didn't you learn anything from DuBois?
 * LeBeau: Well, most of the time we just made Crêpe Suzettes.
 * Hogan: (inaudible comment) We have to stall long enough for DuBois and the girl to get started for England.

After getting the signal that the lab is set to explode:


 * Hogan: Colonel, you worry too much.
 * Klink: I worry? Huh. Your life is easy. You're only a prisoner of war.
 * Hogan: No problem, whatsover. As Professor DuBois was killed in an explosion in his laboratory.
 * Klink: Well, in that case, you're... killed in his laboratory? Really? When?
 * Hogan (looking at his watch): 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! (An explosion is then heard) Any questions?

Bloopers

 * If not a major goof, the following scene should have been explained better: in one scene, Carter is asked to tutor LeBeau on some rudimentary chemistry to fool the Germans. Carter replies that while he ran a drug store in Muncie, Indiana, and is studying to be a pharmacist, he knows almost nothing about chemistry. In episode 7, (5 previous to this one), Carter - while no pro at mixing chemicals to produce a bomb (causing many misfires and backfires in the process) eventually does so. It seems odd that he would now profess to know nothing about chemistry.
 * Throughout the episode, the DuBois character is called Henri, but in the closing credits his first name is listed as Emil.
 * Hogan poses as a German general and enters a heavily guarded hotel. In a feigned rage, he threatens the German guards and breaks vases and lamps in the lobby. As he heads for the door, he steps around a large, gold-colored vase on the floor and picks another one up from a nearby table. In subsequent shots, this first vase is no longer seen.