Hold That Tiger

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fräulein Helga - Cynthia Lynn
 * Corporal Karl Langenscheidt - Jon Cedar

Guest Stars

 * Tiger - Arlene Martel
 * General Hofstader - Henry Cattani

Synopsis
The POWs smuggle a new Tiger tank Klink has been boasting about into camp in order to photograph and study it.

Plot Details
Colonel Klink boasts to Hogan and his men during an evening roll call Germany is developing some new and powerful weapons, including the new Tiger tank, which he claims would help to shorten the war and lead to a German victory. After roll call is over, Hogan asks Klink if the tanks of the aforementioned Panzer Division are west of the camp; Klink tells him no, and Hogan goes into his barracks. Klink's boast leads Hogan and his men to start coming up with an elaborate scheme so they can get their hands on one of the Tiger tanks, from which they would make blueprints to send to London. Eventually, Hogan comes up with a plan.

The prisoners are soon working on an inside wall of Barracks 2 when Schultz appears. Hogan tells Schultz they are going to put in a picture window that would give the prisoners a sweeping view of the delousing station. A Waffen-SS officer, actually Newkirk in disguise, appears and addresses Schultz. A fearful Schultz calms down after seeing it is Newkirk, but as he sees him leave with LeBeau to have the uniform worked on a bit more, he becomes animated and asks Hogan why Newkirk is wearing the uniform. Hogan tells him and a very panicky Schultz leaves. Later Hogan enters Klink's office to protest about his men being interrogated by a Gestapo officer. Corporal Langenscheidt soon appears after knocking on Klink's door several times to tell him a Gestapo officer wants to leave the camp, but he can't since there doesn't seem to be any record of him coming in. Klink tells the Senior Lance Corporal to let the Gestapo officer go, having no clue it is actually Newkirk in disguise.

Hogan, moments before a new roll call, briefs his men in his office on what they will do when Newkirk arrives at camp with the captured Tiger tank. This includes LeBeau escaping the camp during the confusion caused by the tank's arrival, so he can switch places with the underground agent who would later take the tank's blueprints to London. The men then go out for roll call.

During roll call, one of the prisoners is discovered missing by Schultz. As he starts to report this to Klink, one of the new Tiger tanks suddenly enters Stalag 13, which LeBeau uses as the moment to escape as planned. It is driven by a German officer claiming he has been sent to help put down a prisoner revolt. The officer is Newkirk, still disguised as the Waffen-SS officer, but now wearing a tanker's helmet. Klink, presented papers claiming the officer has been ordered to crush the non-existent revolt, argues with Newkirk about him calling for a tank. Hogan then tells Klink one of his men has escaped. Klink calls for the prison camp guards to look for the escaped prisoner and Newkirk says he will assist in the search with the tank. At the same time, the other prisoners are ordered back into the barracks. Moments later, Newkirk drives the tank into Barracks 2, watched by a shocked Schultz, who joins in the search for the escaped prisoner. Once the tank is inside the Barracks, Hogan's men start to dismantle it, with blueprints of the pieces to be made inside the tunnels.

Later, Sergeant Carter reenters Barracks 2 and tells Hogan the search for LeBeau is still going on. The surprised prisoners then hear a knock coming from the rising bed entrance under one of the bunk beds, which confuses them even more. LeBeau appears, telling Hogan and the others he has come back through the emergency tunnel because the plan just wouldn't work. After being lectured by Hogan, LeBeau says the underground contact is with him and waiting for permission to enter. The contact turns out to be Tiger, a female French resistance fighter, who tells the others why LeBeau thinks the plan will not work. Hogan blows his stack upon seeing she is the agent who would be taking the completed blueprints out of the camp, then his men argue over whose bunk Tiger would be sleeping in.

The next day, Tiger is fitted by Newkirk for some bulky civilian clothing inside Hogan's office, within which the tank blueprints would be sewn. Newkirk is somewhat reluctant to place the measuring tape across Tiger's bust during the fitting but she decides to do it herself. After Tiger and Hogan argue over her being there, he tells her the dismantled tank would be put back together in the soon to be closed rec hall, which will help cover her escape. This impresses her. Schultz then appears, walking past Tiger and telling Hogan Klink wants to see him. Klink is mad because there seems to have been no real escape the previous night. It takes a while before Schultz realizes Tiger is in the room, causing him to panic and then leave.

Inside Klink's office, Hogan is reprimanded for telling him a prisoner was missing only for him to be found at roll call that morning, and for that the rec hall would be closed to the prisoners for a week. Klink then asks Hogan if he or his men have seen the tank. Hogan tells him they have been locked up in their barracks and Klink asks if his men have even taken a peek through the windows. Helga then appears, telling Klink he has a call from General Hofstader, who is asking about the tank. Klink picks up his phone and tells the General truthfully he never asked for it, and while it was there, he was been involved with an escape attempt that wasn't and it was gone when he and his men came back. He then tells the General he would look for it. After the call, Hogan asks if the Germans are missing a tank. Klink suspects the tank is still inside the camp and decides to have his men look everywhere for it, including the prisoners. Hogan leaves, telling Klink he is sure the tank will reappear.

Later, after LeBeau has finished complaining to Kinchloe about his coffee pot being used as a listening device, Kinch tells Hogan General Hofstader is on his way to get the tank back. Hogan tells Newkirk he might as well prepare the tank for its exit. As Newkirk leaves, Tiger and LeBeau walk into Hogan's office, with Tiger now in the bulky trainwoman's uniform. After she models it and LeBeau tells Hogan the blueprints are sewn into the uniform, Kinch leaves Hogan's office, wishing Tiger luck. Hogan tells LeBeau to give her some fatigues to go over the uniform for roll call. LeBeau gives her the clothes and leaves after also wishing her good luck. When she has a little trouble trying to put on the overalls, Hogan tries to help her, but she says she can put them on by herself. Once dressed, she apologizes for the trouble she has caused Hogan by being there, but tells him why she took the assignment: she has heard a lot of good things about his group and wanted to see it for herself. After being there for a while, she now sees why they have such a high reputation. The two then hear the bell for roll call, and after being reminded by Kinch, they go out and join the others. Soon, Tiger is seen standing with the prisoners outside Barracks 2.

During this roll call, an angry General Hofstader arrives at the stalag in his staff car, along with his staff, demanding to know the whereabouts of the tank. The General and Klink are soon arguing over the tank's location, while Schultz is getting very nervous over the fact Tiger is standing with the prisoners, in Newkirk's spot. Hogan promises Schultz Newkirk will be back soon, just as Newkirk starts the tank inside the rec room. Klink tries to convince the General not to tell Berlin about the missing tank, saying he is sure it will reappear - which it does, as it suddenly bursts out of the rec hall, headed toward Klink and the General. The General steps in front of the tank, demanding it to stop. When it doesn't, he gets out of the way, along with his staff and the camp's guards, while the prisoners follow them around to help sow even more confusion.

During the general confusion as the tank bursts through the front gate, soon followed out of camp by the General and his staff, Tiger kisses Hogan and escapes from the camp with the plans.

Later, Klink and Hogan are once again inside Klink's office and Hogan cracks a walnut with the Kommandant's helmet. Klink takes back the helmet and asks Hogan what has just happened. Hogan says it's all a Gestapo plot to blemish Klink's perfect record because they are jealous of him back in Berlin. As he waits for a reply, Hogan pours himself some sherry from a decanter and then drinks it. Klink doesn't believe Hogan's explanation. Hogan takes some walnuts from his desk and leaves the office, with Klink staring at him as the episode ends.

Story Notes

 * This is the third completed episode of the series, but the second episode to be shown on television.
 * This is the first episode shown in color.
 * The episode's title is probably a reference to the pre-1920 jazz standard, Tiger Rag, which includes the words, "Hold that Tiger" in the song.
 * The series' more normal title sequence is shown for the first time.
 * Colonel Hogan's airman hat sitting atop of Colonel Klink's spiked helmet is shown with the end credits for the first time.
 * This is the first time the term Stalag 13 is used in the series.
 * The rising bed entrance into and out of the tunnels, under Barracks 2, appears for the first time.
 * During this episode, Klink comes out of his office and salutes. This clip is (re)used in the opening montage/credits throughout the rest of the series.
 * Sergeant Schultz mentions he's married in this episode.
 * The bulletin board appears in the episode.
 * Newkirk's Hands Across The Sea comment as he tries to get close to Tiger is a reference to an 1899 Sousa military march that is dedicated to America's Allies during the war.
 * Two historical figures are mentioned in this episode: Mata Hari and Tokyo Rose.
 * This is the first episodic appearance of Jon Cedar as Corporal Langenscheidt.
 * This is the first episodic appearance of Arlene Martel as Tiger.
 * This is the first appearance of Larry Hovis as a series regular. This is his character Carter's first appearance as a Sergeant.
 * Since Larry Hovis (Carter) has just joined the series as a regular cast member, they do not have any footage of him yet, so they film him working the antenna for the radio as his name comes up during the opening montage. It runs right after the footage credits of Ivan Dixon (Kinch) - always the radio man - shown running the radio. This lasts until episode 4 when they switch over to the 'Carter mixing chemicals' scene as his footage credits.
 * The shot of the guard working his searchlight in one of the gate towers became one of the iconic stock shots of the series. It was reused for the new series color titles, and also sometimes turns up in other WWII-based movies and series of the late 1960s and early 1970s - such as the The Rat Patrol episode, "The Double Or Nothing Raid."
 * The tension you see between Hogan (Bob Crane) and Newkirk (Richard Dawson) in this episode and for the rest of the series was for real. Crane had beaten out Dawson in auditions for the part of Hogan. The animosity between the two eventually became so great that Dawson declined to attend Crane's funeral.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * It is implied that Newkirk was drafted into the RAF.
 * The episode centers around the development and deployment of a new Tiger tank by the Wehrmacht. Historically, this was most likely the original Tiger Mark I (Panzerkampfwagen VI). It entered service in August 1942, and quickly built up a fearsome reputation among the Allies. There is an outside possibility that it was the Tiger I's successor, the King Tiger (Panzerkampfwagen VIB). It was undergoing prototype testing in 1943.
 * However, it is abundantly clear that the tank in question bears no resemblance to either a Tiger I (Pz VI) or King Tiger (Pz VIB). Its correct identity as an American tank (M7 Priest) is listed down thread.

Quotes
After Colonel Hogan decides that they would steal one of the Tiger tanks:


 * Newkirk (In shock): Steal a German tank?
 * Hogan: We'll give it back... after we take it apart and make blueprints.
 * Kinchloe: Well, how do we get a hold of it?
 * LeBeau: How do we get it in here?
 * Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank?
 * Carter: Where do we take it apart?
 * Hogan: Look... I got the idea of stealing it, right? The rest is detail.

After Schultz enters Barracks 2 and see the prisoners trying to pull apart a wall:


 * Schultz: What? What is? What? What? What is? What? What is what?
 * Hogan: Remodeling, Schultz. You see, we knock out this wall here, put in a picture window, which gives us a sweeping vista to the delousing station. Then, with some Danish modern pieces in place of... Or what would you think of Provincial, Schultz?
 * Schultz: Please, Colonel Hogan!
 * Hogan: How else would we get the tank in?
 * Schultz: Tank? Tank? Tank? Tank? Tank? Tank?
 * Hogan: So we can take it apart.
 * Schultz: Oh no! (as he closes his eyes) I don't see anything! I hear nothing! Nothing!

After Schultz has spoken with a German officer (actually Newkirk in a disguise):


 * Schultz: What a relief? If the Gestapo would uncover what's going on in here. (Finally realizing that Newkirk is in a SS officer's uniform) Colonel Hogan...
 * Hogan (Looking at Schultz): Hmm?
 * Schults: What is he doing in the uniform? Colonel Hogan! Please. Oooohhhh, you went too far. I must report this. It would be worth my life if I do not report this.
 * Hogan: It's only until tomorrow. Then he's gonna take it off again.
 * Schultz (slightly relieved): Aaahhhhh!
 * Hogan: After he steals the tank.
 * Schultz (Starting to panic): Ooooohhhh!!!!!
 * Hogan: From the Panzer division.
 * Schultz: (Panicking more as he heads towards the door): Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
 * Hogan: And brings it here into the barracks.
 * Schultz (panicking): Oh, I see nothing! I was not here! I did not even get up this morning! (Schultz then leaves.)

As Colonel Hogan is talking to Colonel Klink in the Klink's office, complaining about a Gestapo officer harassing his man, Corporal Langenscheidt enters the room, reporting that a Gestapo agent wishes to exit the camp:


 * Langenscheidt: He has a pass, but they have no record of him entering.
 * Klink: What do I care? If he wants out, let him out. The sooner the better!

After Schultz has discovered that one of the prisoners was missing, he asks Hogan for help:


 * Klink (yelling): Reeeeeeport!
 * Schultz: How can I make a report when number fifteen is missing?
 * Hogan: Look at the bright side - fourteen are here.

Newkirk, now disguised as a panzer commander, pops his head out of a Tiger tank, which had just arrived at the stalag:


 * Newkirk: Well, where are these rebellious prisoners? The Tiger tank shall smash them, flat... like pancakes!
 * Klink (confused): Rebellious prisoner? There are no rebellious prisoners here! They are tame... I have tamed them!
 * Newkirk: Then why did you request a tank?
 * Klink: I did not!
 * Newkirk: You question the word of a Gestapo officer?
 * Klink: Certainly not!
 * Newkirk: Here are my orders! (Takes fakes orders out of his pocket and throws them to Schultz)
 * Klink (looks at the faux orders after being given them by Schultz): They are certainly authentic. I...
 * Newkirk: Could there be any doubt?
 * Klink: Not a doubt in the world!
 * Hogan: Sir... request permission to speak?
 * Klink (looks at Hogan, frustrated): No! Yes!
 * Hogan: I regret to inform you sir that one of my men seems to have escaped.
 * Klink: Escaped??
 * Hogan (faking being apologetic): He receives a letter from home today, sir. His girl sent him a, uhm, candid snapshot.
 * Newkirk: So! These are your tame prisoners!

After a still disguised Newkirk has driven the Tiger tank into Barracks 2, and as the prisoners start to dismantle it:


 * Newkirk: All I wanted was an oil change!

After Tiger's arrival at the camp, as Hogan figures out where to put her up for the night:


 * Hogan (angry that his group may be compromised by her being there): Look, this is no game. Guys risk their lives escaping from other camps... We sneak them in here... They depend on us to get them out of Germany... Our whole operation can go right down the drain just cause they send us a woman.
 * Tiger (also mad): I have had many more missions, more dangerous then this. And they did not send me - I volunteered.
 * Hogan: All right, so you're Mata Hari, but this is an all-male camp! Just where, for instance, do we put you up??
 * Newkirk: 'ey, in the spirit of hands across the sea and all that, eh, I hereby volunteer to share my cubicle.

The other prisoners then chime in while an angry Hogan listens in frustration.

Hogan, as he enters his office, notices Newkirk having a hard time trying to measure Tiger for new clothes:


 * Hogan: What's the matter, Newkirk?
 * Newkirk: The matter is, Colonel, a gentleman's tailor is a gentleman's tailor and what we've got here is no gentleman.

As Hogan continues to object to Tiger being the one to take the blueprints to London while she was being fitted for a uniform:


 * Hogan: Do the best you can. We got to get her out of here tonight looking like a German civilian. Some kind of a bulky uniform to carry these blueprints.
 * Tiger: Colonel. Women work as crew on German trains...
 * Hogan (exasperated): I don't care if you put on a kimono and go as Tokyo Rose! Let's just ad lib the whole thing, huh?
 * Tiger: Why not? The worst that can happen to you is you get one week in solitary. All I can get is shot!
 * Hogan: All right, all right, just have her ready for roll call tonight. The diversion is the tank coming out of the rec hall. And, then you take off after that.
 * Tiger (surprised): I thought it was in pieces?
 * Hogan: It is in pieces. We're going to put it back together in the rec hall. After the Germans padlock the place.
 * Tiger (smiling): Sounds wild.

Newkirk tries to act as peacemaker.


 * Newkirk: Colonel never misses. Everything under control. Always!
 * Tiger: Except his temper.

After Shultz have noticed Tiger inside Barracks 2:


 * Schultz: No, no.
 * Hogan: Tokyo Rose.
 * Schultz: Oh, Colonel Hogan, this time you went too far... (breaks off while closing his eyes) What am I saying?? I see nothing! Nothing!!

After Klink has finished talking with the Panzer Division commander about the now missing Tiger tank.


 * Hogan: Lose a tank?
 * Klink: If the tank did not leave the camp, it is still here. If it is still here, your men may have hidden it. Now, we shall search this camp. Inch by inch, barracks by barracks, prisoner by prisoner.
 * Hogan: Colonel Klink. Now, just where do you think we might have hidden a Tiger tank?
 * Klink: It is impossible for you to hide a Tiger tank, therefore I suspect you!

A German general arrives at the camp looking for the now missing Tiger tank, while not seeing a prisoner revolt which was the reason that the tank had been sent to Stalag 13 in the first place. The general looks at Klink:


 * Klink: General Hofstader. How nice to see you?
 * General Hofstader: Where is my tank, Klink??
 * Klink: It hasn't come back yet?
 * General Hofstader: Klink, I release a tank to you to put down a riot by prisoners. I see no riot, I see no tank! All I see is a Colonel about to become Corporal!
 * Klink: But, General Hofstader, we've searched the grounds, the barracks, the prisoners...
 * General Hofstader: (sarcastically): The prisoners?? No one had it in his pocket?? We are talking about a Tiger tank, Klink, not a toy dump truck!!

Schultz sees Tiger standing with the other prisoners, in Newkirk's spot:


 * Schultz: Please, Colonel Hogan... you push me too far.
 * Hogan: What's the matter Schultz? All fifteen not here?
 * Schultz: Fifteen are here, but it is not Newkirk, it doesn't even look like Newkirk... (indicating Tiger) ...in any important respect.
 * Hogan: Really?
 * Schultz: Please, Colonel Hogan, I do not wish to interfere in your private life, but I must insist...
 * Hogan (interrupting Schultz): Schultz, you have my word that Newkirk will be here...any time now.

Schultz stifles a groan while Hogan looks towards the rec hall.

Hofstader is heading back to his staff car, with a pleading Klink following him:


 * Klink (pleading): General Hofstader, it will not be necessary for you to report this to Berlin! The tank will turn up, any time now!

(As they talk, Newkirk is in the rec building, starting up the tank.)

Klink, Hofstader and the general's aides hear some noises coming from the rec building. This was quickly followed by the tank bursting out of the building. As the tank heads towards them:


 * Klink: See, I told you it would turn up!

As Tiger and Hogan embrace and kiss just before she leaves the stalag during the confusion caused by the escaping Tiger tank, Schultz steps in front of them:


 * Schultz: Colonel Hogan... Colonel Hogan... kissing prisoners is verboten!

Klink asks Hogan what had just happened:


 * Hogan: The Gestapo!
 * Klink: The Gestapo?
 * Hogan: Colonel Klink... you never had an escape at Stalag Thirteen. That's a record that not even the Gestapo can match.
 * Klink: True. But, I, I...?
 * Hogan: It's a plot to discredit you in Berlin.
 * Klink: But why?
 * Hogan: Your efficiency is showing them up.
 * Klink: No!
 * Hogan: You have a better theory?
 * Klink: But this in incredible. What can I do?
 * Hogan: Well, perhaps, one of these days, we might just be able to arrange an escape. Nothing big - fifteen or twenty men.
 * Klink (stares at Hogan, then narrows his eyes): Do you realize that what you are suggesting, Colonel Hogan, is treason!
 * Hogan: See? You're too perfect. That's why they hate you.

Klink is bewildered by Hogan's comment.

Bloopers

 * The tank used in the episode is actually an American-built M7 self-propelled gun and not an actual Tiger, but the world's only operational Tiger is located in England, and would have been prohibitively expensive for such a low-budget show to transport for filming.
 * The 3rd Panzer Division mentioned in the story should actually be the 3rd SS Division Totenkopf, based on the uniforms that are worn in the episode by General Hofstader, his staff, and by Peter Newkirk when he is in disguise. In turn, the 3rd SS Division Totenkopf, which is a Waffen-SS Division, is at the time a Panzergrenadier Division.