Get Fit or Go Fight

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin

Guest Stars

 * Gerda - Corinne Conley
 * Major Kimmel - Michael Fox

Synopsis
Hogan convinces Klink to get back in shape so he won't be sent to the Russian Front.

Plot Details
The episode begins in nearby Hammelburg, with Klink chatting up Gerda, a local woman whom he knows. He seems to impress her with claims that he advises General Burkhalter on most of his decisions and that he is only a colonel purely because Burkhalter knows more influential people than he does. As Klink goes to his car to leave, he remarks at how the local boys always polish his car whenever he visits which Gerda claims is done out of respect. The two embrace in a kiss and Gerda hands an envelope to one of the boys who promptly hides it in the car's hubcaps. Klink arranges for the two to meet again the following Thursday before having Schultz (who was waiting for them) drive him back to Stalag 13.

As Klink returns from town, the Heroes immediately clean Klink's car, despite him pointing out that his car was cleaned yesterday. Hogan insists they clean it and the hidden envelope is soon found. LeBeau even makes a point of cleaning off Klink's monocle enough for it to be worn in either eye. Klink toys with the idea and puts the monocle in his right eye before shrugging at the idea.

Later in the barracks, the Heroes go over the contents of the envelope to find detailed pictures of the German coastal defenses and more importantly, a note from Gerda explaining that they will soon have locations of new J-4 rocket bases which must be picked up by Friday as the local Underground are shutting down operations. The Heroes heap praise on the Underground for their efforts, and Hogan also praises Klink's tyre as it "made it all possible."

Klink meanwhile is in a meeting with an irate General Burkhalter. The Prussian general has plenty of reason to be angry too, as over two hundred prisoners have escaped from German prison camps during the year, a higher number than all the other years combined, and the year isn't even over yet. Klink tries to point out that he has never had an escape, but Burkhalter is not interested, and shouts at Klink to shut up before revealing his plan. The fault, in Burkhalter's opinion, lies with camp Kommandants, who have become lazy and incompetent mostly due to parties and drinking (all of which Klink is guilty of). Burkhalter's solution: Have all the Kommandants take a physical examination, and those not up to military standards will take a toughening up course on the Russian Front. Burkhalter has already taken the liberty of setting up Klink's examination in a week's time. Klink tries to deny the need for a physical but Burkhalter points out that if Klink is in good shape already, then he has nothing to worry about, before leaving. Schultz soon enters the office, and having fallen asleep during his attempt to listen in, is told of Burkhalter's orders. Schultz predicts that Klink will not pass, and points out that the only reason he passed his last physical was due to bribing the doctor. The hapless Klink hastily deposits the liquor he was about to drink back into the decanter at Schultz' words.

Later that day, Hogan who had noticed Schultz stationed outside the camp gymnasium, asks why he is there, and soon (after hearing Klink collapse) learns that Klink is trying to whip himself into shape, and has collapsed under a barbell. After helping the hapless colonel, Hogan learns of Klink's plight and also his staunch decision to not leave the camp until he has passed his physical. The quick thinking Hogan, knowing they need Klink to retrieve the location of the rocket bases, simply claims that Klink is using more weight than needed and lightens the barbell before leaving, only for Klink to collapse under its weight too.

Kinch, Carter and Hogan ponder the situation, knowing full well that Klink could not pass a physical, and await the completion of their secret weapon: a hollowed out barbell. LeBeau brings out the would-be 200 pound barbell just as Klink approaches, attention caught. The Heroes feed the idea that LeBeau is a weightlifter, and LeBeau explains that a proper demonstration of one's strength is not lifting weights, but pressing them. Hogan has everyone clear the way for Klink, who naturally has no problem performing the press, and his self-confidence is restored once more.

Later that night as Kinch, LeBeau and Newkirk are playing cards, Hogan arrives and informs them that Klink will indeed be going into town. They are soon interrupted by a much happier Klink who is soon to leave. Klink almost boasts about how he needs the relaxation, and marvels at his own strength despite his age. Carter compliments Klink and claims he doesn't look very old, prompting Klink to ask how old he appears to be. Despite two attempts to get out of it, Carter guesses Klink is fifty-nine years old. The deflated Klink points out that Carter was ten years off prompting the astounded Carter to honestly remark that Klink certainly does not look sixty-nine years old, before being cut off by the angry Kommandant who gives his age: forty-nine. His confidence shaken, Klimk decides not to go into town and go to bed, but Carter, desperate to remedy the situation tries to give Klink the hollowed barbells which he does with just one hand. Realising the true nature of the barbell, the horrified Klink practically runs off.

Klink soon has Hogan brought to his office and confronts him for his part in the fake barbell trick. After giving him a thorough reproach, the Kommandant is left with nothing but misery as he realises the threat of the Russian Front is very real. Hogan soon offers to help Klink for real. His plan: to have LeBeau, Newkirk, Carter and Kinch take him through a four day fitness program with the logic that, working four times as hard over that period should yield 16 days of fitness training. The idea doesn't sit well with Klink, but as he has no other choice he agrees. The training goes poorly as Klink is incapable of doing well in boxing, or calisthenics, and a hilarious scene ensues when LeBeau and Newkirk treat Klink with a very painful massage.

However, 3 days of training has yielded a positive change in Klink, who during breakfast, where he is met by Hogan, declares he will not go into town, and instead spend the whole day in the gym. A precarious position for the Heroes as their deadline is almost up. The wily colonel however comes up with a clever plan involving one "Doctor" Carter.

Klink is soon met by the disguised Carter who is there ostensibly to perform Klink's physical. After some routine medical questions and a very basic physical (checking his heartbeat and breathing) Carter declares Klink to be "not too bad."

Hogan who was waiting outside is met by Schultz who hurriedly explains that Major Kimmel, a medical officer is there to perform Klink's physical, one day early. Horrified, but thinking quickly, Hogan tells Schultz to stall Kimmel for three minutes and then send him into Klink's office. Schultz hurries off to do so and even makes a point of loudly wondering what he would do without Hogan. Schultz manages to stall Kimmel for two and a half minutes before he barges into the outer office, demanding to see Klink and threatens Schultz with a court martial if he keeps hampering him. After blocking Kimmel three times, Schultz happily declares that the Kommandant is ready. Kimmel enters the office and finds Hogan, under the guise of Klink and performs Klink's physical, much to Schultz' surprise.

Klink returns from town, unwittingly carrying the map of the rocket locations and relays the results of his physical to Hogan: a pass. He even goes on to point out that the report erroneously says he has brown eyes (Hogan's eye colour). Hogan merely comments that he'll be little blue eyes to the prisoners no matter what, leaving Klink to wonder if he has been insulted or not.

Story Notes

 * This is the one hundred and thirty-eighth episode of the series, but is the one hundred and thirty-fourth episode shown on television and the sixteenth episode shown for the Fifth Season.
 * The episode's fitness scenes include a poster of Grindelwald, Switzerland that is mounted behind the door.
 * Another poster in the background while Klink is talking to Carter in disguise as a german doctor reads "Viktoria Deutschland Siegt An Allen Fronten". This roughly translates to "Victoria - Germany Wins At All Fronts". Viktoria is probable a mistranslation of victory which should have been "Sieg".
 * Other signs read -


 * "Erholungshalle" or "Recovery Hall"
 * "Licht Aus!" or "Lights Out!"
 * "Achtung!" or "Attention!"
 * "Schafft Waffen" or "Creates Weapons"
 * "Verboten" or "Forbidden"


 * Klink's new girlfriend, Gerda, is actually an underground agent working in league with Hogan and his men.
 * Klink had to bribe the doctor to pass him on his previous physical. According to Schultz, it was because Klink was living too much of the good life - just as Burkhalter suspected.
 * The premise of sending unfit men to a combat front is based on truth, as evident from this entry in Joseph Goebbels' diary (17 March 1945): "General von Gottberg's campaign, the object of which is to get as many soldiers to the front as quickly as possible, is being carried on with very radical improvised measures ... he is at least driving to the front the weaklings who have so far invariably contrived to evade a front-line posting."
 * Klink joined the Luftwaffe "a long while back."
 * In this episode, we learn that Kinch is a former boxer. This story strand will be picked up later on and worked into its own episode, The Softer They Fall.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This appears to take place shortly after How's The Weather? in the week leading up to June 17, 1943. Burkhalter's visit to Klink takes place on the 10th. Klink's mandatory physical was scheduled for the 17th. Hogan has Klink take it, with Carter as the doctor, on the 16th; while he, posing as Klink, takes the real physical on the 17th. The date is confirmed by a rather ironic statement about the Russian front made by Klink - "We Germans stopped making Russian Front jokes last November." This refers to the beginning of the Battle of Stalingrad and the breakup of the final German offensive against Russia.
 * Klink is 49 years old in this episode. Carter tries to guess his age. When he guesses 59, Klink tells him that he's ten years off.
 * Gerta makes mention of "the new German coastal defenses" and promises to get the locations of "the new J-4 rocket bases." The first is a reference to the Atlantic Wall, which was under construction at the time. The second is probably a reference to V-1 launch sites on the coast of France, which were finished and began operations on June 12, 1943.

Bloopers

 * As with At Last - Schultz Knows Something, both Carter (in his guise as a Luftwaffe Medical Officer) and Major Kimmel (the real Medical Officer) have 'Flight Yellow' waffenfarbe, or gorget patches. In reality, the Medical Corp's collar tabs were cornflower-blue.