Will the Real Adolf Please Stand Up?

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin

Guest Stars

 * Christina - Bonnie Jones
 * Major Krantz - Forrest Compton
 * Foster - William Christopher

Synopsis
When camp security is raised, Hogan uses a phony Hitler (Carter in disguise) as part of a hoax designed to smuggle secret film out of camp and to the Allies.

Plot Details
It is late at night at Stalag 13 and the Heroes are preparing to leave camp for a new mission. A plainclothed Newkirk makes his way out of camp, to be joined by LeBeau, Carter, Kinch and a German uniformed Hogan respectively after a few minutes in between. Hogan reiterates the mission to the Heroes and stresses that everything must go perfectly. They are going to "borrow" plans for the German coastal defences off an officer passing through town, photograph them and have the photographs sent to London without raising any suspicion. Hogan explains that a local underground agent, Christina will assist them by stopping the officer's car. Carter questions whether Christina will be able to stop the officer, but Hogan assures him she can, with LeBeau characteristically piping in that he himself would give her no trouble if it were him. As LeBeau is sent out of camp, Kinch wonders what they will do if Klink or Schultz tries to make a surprise inspection during the night, but Hogan reveals that he padlocked the barracks door as "we're entitled to some privacy."

Sometime later at a German tavern, two bartenders are cleaning up and are drawn to the back door by Kinch and Carter who prompty incapacitate them. Meanwhile, a beautiful young woman (Christina) waits by the side of a "broken down" car. Right on time, the German officer, Major Krantz arrives and taken by Christina's charms, offers to let her wait in his car as his driver fixes hers. Christina however directs Krantz to the nearby tavern, who agrees to have a drink, seeing as they "might as well be comfortable" leaving the driver to do the hard work. When the two arrive, they are greeted by Newkirk and LeBeau, dressed as waiters. Newkirk seats them at a table and offers to take Krantz' coat, who declines and instead hands over his briefcase for him to put away. Newkirk rushes off to get their drinks and mutters to LeBeau that the plans must be hidden in Krantz' overcoat, given how he refused to let it be taken. They are soon met by Hogan who pretends to recognise Krantz as a different man. Christina suggests Hogan join them, and though Krantz doesn't seem to like the idea, he grudgingly agrees. Hogan distracts Krantz with a conversation while Newkirk spirits the coat away to the back room. True to his suspicions, the plans are indeed in Krantz' coat, and Kinch begins photographing them. The task is soon finished and Newkirk returns the coat and plans to their proper place. Hogan quickly but unobtrusively leaves the conversation, claiming he has to depart, leaving Newkirk and LeBeau to play bartender a little longer.

The next morning, Hogan is summoned to Klink's office. The Kommandant quickly declares the he knows "everything that happened last night." The shocked Hogan asks how Klink found out, with the Prussian colonel pointing out that General Burkhalter told him. Fearing the worst, Hogan asks more and eventually learns that Klink is not referring to the Heroes escapades, but rather, one escape attempt from Stalags 5 and 9 each which occurred at almost the exact same time. Klink feels that it is part of a larger plot for a coordinated escape attempt to tie down German forces, and as such, he is having the camp's guard doubled. Hogan protests this as a violation of the Geneva Convention, but Klink does not budge. He mentions to Hogan that Burkhalter is due to make an inspection and he hopes to give him a perfect show, musing that his men will have to work an extra shift. Hogan points out that the idea might not be taken well in Berlin, given all the extra overtime that will have to be paid, to Klink's bewilderment.

That night, Hogan discusses the next step of their operation to LeBeau: he is to meet with Underground agent Karl outside camp and hand over the photographs to him so they can be sent to London. The recognition code will be three random first names, which Karl must answer "yes" to, followed by the name "Karl" which he must answer "no" to. As LeBeau prepares to leave however, Kinch spots Karl being arrested on their outside periscope. Hogan takes a look and bitterly remarks that he thought Klink was bluffing about the doubled patrols. LeBeau and Kinch suggest they make a rescue attempt, but Hogan declines, stating that since the Germans have nothing on him, he will be released unharmed. Their next step is to get the photographs to Christina, to which Hogan declares he will work on Klink and get him to drop the patrols outside camp. LeBeau wonders how Hogan will do this, to which the American colonel replies "by squealing on you guys" to LeBeau and Kinch's horror.

Hogan meets with Klink and Schultz to discuss an escape attempt he has "learned of." The prisoners plan to have one man distract the guards by going over the fence while the others hotwire Klink's car and crash through the camp gate. Klink asks how Hogan came about the information, to which Hogan replies that the escape committee reports all impending attempts to him for approval. Hogan also explains that he is reporting the matter so his men won't be harmed. He suggests Klink pull some of the patrols inside the camp to discourage the prisoners, and Klink seemingly agrees, before angrily declaring the entire story to be a lie. Klink then guesses that Hogan's suggestion was to divert his men for a real escape and though he doesn't know the real reason behind Hogan's plan, he has hit the nail on the head, enough for Hogan to be genuinely shocked. Klink declares he will send for reinforcements from divisional headquarters and sarcastically invites Hogan to speak with him again before leaving. The bewildered Schultz wonders aloud what just happened, and the equally bewildered Hogan declares "I think I'm losing my touch."

Some time later, Newkirk enters the barracks and asks Carter for a cigarette. Carter (who was combing his hair) puts the comb against his lip and mimicking Hitler, declares that "the Fuhrer does not share cigarettes with anybody." He then "graces" the Heroes with his Betty Davis impression, which Kinch sums up with a review of "don't call us, we'll call you." Hogan soon arrives and relays his failure to the Heroes. Carter takes up the role of Hitler again and declares that he will get the film out camp as "I Adolf Hitler, am basically a loveable person." The act backfires however and angers Hogan who declares it to be "not all that funny." After a few seconds however, Hogan looks at the act in a new light and asks him to do it again, but also to walk like Hitler too. After a quick review, Hogan declares "it just might work."

A little later, three prisoners, Mills, Foster and Greenberg are presented to Hogan in the German uniforms of a colonel, major and brigadier general respectively. Hogan explains briefly that only one of them should speak. Foster volunteers for the speaking portion of the mission and is instructed to speak only little, but very arrogantly, and stay away from the guards in case they recognise him. Newkirk soon joins them and calls for attention as he introduces the newly annointed Adolf Carter-Hitler. Carter (now with a fake moustache, dark hair and Hitler-esque suit) does a short walk across the barracks drawing praise from all the Heroes. His transformation into Hitler is excellent, with LeBeau declaring he could fool Eva Braun. Hogan explains to Carter that he is to travel with his three "staff members" by car into camp when the evening guard shift changes, and then make his way out of camp with the photographs on him. Carter mentions that he is scared that he will be unmasked and shot, but the Heroes give him a Hitler salute which he responds to, before wondering why he "went to those news reels."

LeBeau watches from the barracks periscope as "Hitler" and his staff enter camp. The guards practically fall over themselves trying to run to Klink's office to inform him of their new guest, while Schultz rushes out to meet him. He takes one look at "Hitler" and gives him a particularly fearful salute before receiving an earful from "Hitler" about his hatred of sergeants ever since his own days in the German Army. Schultz thanks Hitler for the "compliment" as Klink rushes out. Unlike Schultz, Klink has no idea of his guest, and berates "Major Haputmann" (aka Foster). Foster introduces himself as a member of "Hitler's" staff, and Klink sarcastically asks why he didn't bring Hitler with him. Foster indicates "Hitler" and Klink's bravado vanishes as he gives a breathless salute. "Hitler" takes one look at Klink and declares "we will win the war anyway!" Foster claims that they were on their way to Dusseldorf when "Hitler" decided to make a surprise visit, with "Hitler" affirming the claim. Hogan meanwhile worries that the operation is taking too long and the risk of exposure is mounting, thus he goes out to direct traffic. Klink is busy toadying up to "Hitler" and recalls a time he was presented to him before the war. At that, "Hitler" declares there was nothing before the war, and there will be nothing after it, before seeing Hogan. After a brief introduction, "Hitler" requests to speak with Hogan alone for a minute. Hogan gets to the point, Carter needs to take off and leave lest he is discovered. Carter agrees, but as they are talking, General Burkhalter arrives for the surprise visit Klink mentioned earlier. Klink quickly greets Burkhalter and informs him of "Hitler's" visit. Burkhalter quickly moves to greet him, but "Hitler" (in a genius move on Carter's part) angrily declares that the reason he is losing the war is because of his generals. He also specifies that one of his generals "looks like a stuffed goose" and that "one day the goose will hang high by his head!" Burkhalter immediately realises that "Hitler" is referring to him, and deems it unwise to speak with the Fuhrer at the moment before quickly leaving. "Hitler" also decides to leave, and declares that he enjoyed his visit, as well as praising the camp's barbed wire before leaving. Schultz and Klink see "Hitler" off with an elongated Hitler salute before the latter sings praises of Hitler to Hogan. In addition to being "a wonderful human being" and "a great soldier" according to Klink, Hogan also adds that he is "a pretty good actor" with the two Germans wondering what Hogan is talking about.

The next day, Hogan meets with Carter in the cooler and is informed that the photographs were safely delivered to Christina and are on their way to London. Hogan quickly reminds Carter that his story for being outside the camp was that he tried to escape during "the Fuhrer's" visit. They are soon met by Klink and Schultz with the former handing down a punishment of thirty days in the cooler and thirty days without privileges thereafter. Carter protests the punishment, and Hogan comes to his rescue by musing that he will write to Hitler about it, claiming he was asked to write to him. Fearful of the repercussions, Klink agrees to suspend Carter's sentence before leaving. Schultz releases Carter, and asks why Hogan is smiling. The American colonel replies "I think I've got the old touch back" as the three leave.

Story Notes

 * This is the forty-seventh episode produced in the series, but is the forty-fourth episode to be shown on television and is the twelfth episode for the second season.
 * The Academy Award aka "Oscars" are mentioned in this episode.
 * This is the second time that Carter impersonates Hitler. It is also the first time that he does it, in a major way, to aid our heroes. Carter first impersonated Hitler in The Informer, where he only did the hair-and-comb bit. He will use his incredible Hitler impersonation to help our heroes on subsequent occasions, such as Heil Klink and The Meister Spy.
 * Carter is shown to the prisoners as "Hitler" and the Heroes end the scene by giving him the Nazi salute. Robert Clary, due to his history as a prisoner at Buchenwald concentration camp, gives the salute with the wrong hand (his left) and with his fingers crossed.
 * The episode title is a reference to a catchphrase on the long-running TV game show, To Tell the Truth. In each segment of that show, three guests would come out and introduce themselves to the panel and audience with the same name and occupation, and sit down; the four regular panelists would then take turns asking them questions, to try to determine which of the three was really who he/she claimed to be. At the end of the questioning the panelists would state their choices, and then the host would request: "Will the REAL [person's name] please stand up?"
 * While first introducing Carter dressed as Hitler Newkirk declares "Heil Schicklegruber!" This is a reference to the fact that Hitler's last name was originally Shicklegruber, but before he was born his father had it changed. It is actually a misspelling of Heidler.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This episode takes place before Heil Klink because this is the first time Carter uses his Hitler impersonation to aid our heroes.
 * This episode probably takes place before Happy Birthday, Adolf, given the context.
 * We learn that Klink had the honor of being personally presented to Hitler at a rally in Munich shortly before the war. Given Klink's penchant for exaggeration, he is probably making more of this event than it actually was. There is a stock picture often seen in Klink's office that might show this event. Not surprisingly, Klink is nowhere to be seen. In all likelihood, he would most likely be one of the officers in the background. In real life, Klink's presentation to Hitler might have taken place at Mecklenburg, at a presentation of German aircraft prototypes by Reichsmarshall Göring (head of the Luftwaffe), shortly before the Rally of German Art 1939 in Munich. Klink was a Heinkel pilot at the time (Don't Forget to Write) and may have been involved in the pre-war testing of the Heinkel He 111 E. He would have been one of many pilots "personally presented" to Hitler on this occasion ... in other words, just another face in the crowd (as the picture seems to imply).

Trivia

 * A poster in the tavern reads "KOLN VERKEHR TAGUNG SCHAUR." This translates as "Cologne Transport Meeting" -- Schaur is a German surname of East Prussia origin.

Bloopers

 * At the beginning of the "tag" sequence, a few seconds of footage is recycled from the Season 2 episode The Schultz Brigade - of Schultz singing happily to himself as he marches back and forth outside the entrance to the cooler ("When the soldiers march through the town...").