The Late Inspector General

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fräulein Helga - Cynthia Lynn
 * Corporal Karl Langenscheidt - Jon Cedar
 * Sergeant Olsen - Stewart Moss

Guest Stars

 * Oscar Schnitzer - Walter Janowitz
 * General von Platzen - John Dehner

Synopsis
A visiting general upsets plans to blow up a train.

Plot Details
Hogan is looking over a map with some of his men, as they plan to destroy an ammunition train. He asks his men what each of them is suppose to do during the mission. After hearing their individual answers, he tells them that they are so good that they are actually ad-libbing their parts, which isn't good. He then tells them to not overdo do it, and to just stick to the script. He and the others are then informed that Schultz is coming. Hogan quickly pulls up the map, and then replaces it with a picture of a woman in a dress and starts pretending to be giving the others a lecture, just as Schultz enters their barracks. When questioned by Schultz, Hogan tells him that it's a lecture he gives to them every six months, about women. Schultz doesn't believe him, but when Hogan asks him if he wants him to tell Schultz what they are ready doing, the German noncom tells him that he doesn't want to know. Schultz then tells Hogan that Colonel Klink wants to see him in his office while the others are to be outside for a roll call. After Schultz leaves, Hogan tells the other that the signal to start the mission would now be him leaving Klink's office instead of the original signal of him touching the bill of his airman's hat. He then leaves to see why Klink wanted to see him.

Inside Klink's office, Klink informs Hogan that an Heer Inspector General would soon be arriving, which catches Hogan off guard as the I.G.'s sudden appearance would ruin their plans. Klink then warns him not to do anything that would damage his perfect record, which is the last thing Hogan wants to do, as he knew that a transfer of Klink would ruin the prisoners' overall plans. Then, as Hogan tries to avoid going outside, which he knows is the signal for his men to start the operation, Corporal Langenscheidt appears, informing Klink that the Inspector General, General von Platzen, and his staff, has just arrived and that they are all waiting for him. Upon hearing this, Klink goes into the inner office to meet the General, followed by a nervous Hogan. The General, after meeting both Klink and Hogan, tells Klink that he is impressed by what he has seen so far, while having his eyes on Helga, Klink's secretary. Hogan then quickly complains to the General about the Stalag's bad food, which impresses the General even more, before he informs both Klink and Hogan that when prisoners don't complain about the food, then something must be wrong, and he then tells them both that Klink has just passed his first test.

After Hogan's request to stay inside Klink's office is denied, the group then goes outside. Hogan's men, upon seeing Hogan leaving Klink's office, start to put their plan into operation, in spite of Hogan several times shaking his head in the negative to abort the operation. Carter quickly creates a number of explosions using fireworks which helps to create a diversion which allows Sergeant Olsen to enter Schitzer's truck so that he would be driven out of camp, which would then lead to the camp's guards being sent out to look for him, so that the others could in turn leave the camp, blow up the train, and then come back to camp before the guards and Olsen do. The sudden explosions soon cause everyone within the compound to go to ground. As the Germans believe that B-17s are bombing the camp, Olsen, as planned, enters Schnitzer's truck, while an anxious Hogan looks on. Newkirk then informs Schultz that a prisoner has just escaped. Schultz, at first reluctantly, announces the prisoner escape attempt. But before the guards could leave the camp and release the guard dogs to help them search for the 'escaped' prisoner, Hogan decides at this point to open up the back of the truck, thus releasing both the dogs and a surprised Olsen, while at the same time aborting the mission. At least for the moment. Hogan apologizes to Olsen before having his face licked by one of the guard dogs. Olsen is soon sent to the cooler for 30 days punishment, while the rest of the prisoners have their exercise privileges revoked for several days and the camp is to be searched for any more fireworks.

Back inside Klink's office, the General looks over a record book which mentions Klink's low performance rating before he became the Kommandant of a POW camp. At the same time, Hogan, after being thanked by von Platzen for helping prevent Olsen's escape attempt, tells the General how much of a monster Klink is, especially after the sentence he has just given Olsen, the privileges being revoked, and that he is going to have the camp torn apart to look for any more fireworks. After being given a cigar by Klink, which Hogan then lights up for him, the General tells them both what is going on at the other prison camps, before informing Klink that he is going to recommend that Klink be transferred, but to Berlin, and to be place in charge of all of the POW camps, much to Hogan's chagrin. The General then adds that Klink could bring along his personal staff, meaning Helga. He then tells Hogan that it is because of him that Klink is going to be promoted, which didn't make Hogan feel any happier.

Back inside Barracks 2, Hogan tells his men that he has blew it, especially after telling them not to ad-lib, making Klink look too good. He then tells then that they are now going to go in the opposite direction and start making Klink look bad. LeBeau is quickly sent out to tunnel 4 to set it up for discovery by the Germans, while he tells the rest to get ready to improvise as they learn that von Platzen, Klink and Schulz are headed for their barracks.

Klink, Schultz, von Platzen and his staff then enters the barracks, to allow Klink to see the prisoners for the last time before he is sent to Berlin. When the General reaches Newkirk, the Englishman fiddles around with his clothes as he tells him that he has found an imperfection which he is willing to fix for him, much to the General's annoyance. When he checks to make sure that nothing is wrong, von Platzen soon discovers that his monocle is gone, then finds it in Klink's hand. As the General retrieves his monocle from Klink, Hogan signals Kinchloe to turn on a radio, which he does. As they all hear a BBC broadcast being played, an embarrassed Klink orders that the radio be found, to placate an angry von Platzen. Newkirk then strikes again, this time taking the General's wallet and somehow placing it inside Klink's coat. Klink soon finds the General's billfold, which makes the General even angrier, especially after the radio has stopped broadcasting. The angry General then leaves the barracks, followed by a confused Klink and Schultz and the General's staff. As the prisoners watch, they soon see von Platzen fall into the ground, thus revealing one of their presently unused tunnels. As the prisoners laugh, the General losses his cool, and tells Klink that he has changed his mind about his promotion and transfer. The General, after being helped out of the hole, is then told by Hogan that the tunnel actually leads to Klink's office, which helps make things easy for them. An even angrier von Platzen, after hearing this, heads once again towards Klink's office, followed by Klink and von Platzen's staff.

Later, Hogan is in shock, as he hears his men tell him what they has just done to the General's staff car, doing what he has already told them not to do, ad-lib. Deciding to take advantage of it anyway, he tells Newkirk to get LeBeau and Carter a couple of German uniforms, while telling Kinchloe, after turning down his request to be one of the two fake Germans soldiers, to get another staff car from the motor pool. As this is going on, General von Platzen leaves Klink's office, calling for his car to be brought around so that he could leave the camp, as a nervous Klink looks on, now fearing that he would now be sent to the Russian Front. After von Platzen gets into his staff car, something inside it explodes. After von Platzen quickly leaves the vehicle and he and the other Germans hit the ground, von Platzen says to Klink as they are on the ground, "You are trying to kill me, Klink!" "I couldn't be more fond of you if you were my brother", is Klink's response. Schultz is sent by Klink to investigate the explosion, which he does, soon discovering that the cause is a smoke bomb, but also discovering that there is also no engine inside the car. Von Platzen, after getting back up and seeing that there indeed is no engine inside the vehicle, demands that a new staff car be brought around, while Klink continues to plead his case. He tells Klink to arrest himself and to wait for him to send people from Berlin to do it properly. Hogan then appears and points out that a staff car is coming around, which the General quickly enters, not knowing that the German soldiers inside the car are actually LeBeau and Carter in disguise, although a shocked Schultz does seem to recognize them. The General then orders the disguised prisoners to take him to the nearby train station, which they do.

Once again inside Klink's office, Klink informs Hogan that although he believes that he has helped to ruin his career, he doesn't hate him. He also comments that under different circumstances the two might even have been friends. After Klink has finished speaking, Hogan tells him about something which he claims that Napoleon has once said, that when every commander seems about to lose everything that they would then call upon their star to help them and that he suggests that Klink do the same now. Hogan then suggests to Klink that he should think about a train blowing up. Klink does. After suggesting that he think about it a second time, the two hear an explosion. When Klink asks what it is, Hogan remarks that it sounded like a train blowing up. As Klink gives the credit to his star as he places his right hand into his shirt, ala Napoleon, Hogan knows the truth: that his men has just finished blowing up the ammunition train carrying von Platzen back to Berlin, the same train that von Platzen's early arrival has prevented them from destroying hours earlier.

Later, Schultz enters Barracks 2, asking for Hogan's help, as Klink still wants him to find the radio. He says that he is willing to take any radio they have to Klink, otherwise, he would have to personally tear the barracks apart. Hogan, being only too happy to help out, shows Schultz a trunkful of radios. As Schultz picks one, he is soon unhappy to learn that he now has to pay Hogan $26 for it. After a short protest, and hearing that paying it would be tax deductible, he finally pays for the radio, while listening to the prisoners count out the money to make sure that the full amount is being paid.

Story Notes

 * This is the second produced episode of the series, but the fourth one to be shown on television.
 * This is one of the first episodes where Hogan tries to keep Colonel Klink at Stalag 13, so that a more efficient, tougher, and smarter officer wouldn't be sent to replace Klink, thereby ending the prisoners' operation.
 * The episode's title is a reference to the 1949 movie of almost the same name, The Inspector General, starring comedian Danny Kaye.
 * This is the episode where the audience is told why Klink had been a Colonel for twenty years.
 * An historical figure, Napoleon, is mentioned.
 * This is the first time in which we see the heroes directly involved in the death of a German soldier (von Platzen).
 * Klink has his "short" medal bar from the pilot.

Background Trivia

 * During the fake bombing, Klink exclaims, "It is our Leader's fault! He told us German soil would be sacred! (double-take) What am I saying?!" Both Hitler and Göring had assured the German people that the Allies would never bomb the Fatherland. The most famous rejoinder to this claim (apart from the actual bombing) was made by Russian ambassador Molotov to Foreign Minister von Ribbentrop, one night when Berlin was being bombed and they were both in a bomb shelter, when he said (paraphrased), "Why are we down here, and whose planes are those overhead?"
 * General von Platzen intended to make Klink head of the Luft-Stalag Organization, which would have given Klink his long-sought-after promotion to general - and replacing his old boss, General Burkhalter, in the process (never stated, but implied). Hogan alludes to what would have been Klink's new rank later in the episode, when he mentions "lousing up the promotion."
 * Carter alludes to a famous quote by the late mountain climber Sir George Mallory, when he says he took out the motor to von Platzen's staff car "because it was there."
 * An uncredited Richard Dawson does the voice of the BBC announcer.
 * The large medal with the Maltese Cross that General von Platzen wears will reappear from time to time during the rest of the series - most notably in Kommandant of the Year, where it serves as the special medal Klink is given.
 * Col. Hogan breaks the fourth wall in this episode by looking at the camera and shrugging after Col. Klink says to him, "How you must hate me."

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This is the thirty-second episode in chronological order, per the series timeline. It follows The Swing Shift, and is in turn followed by Hogan Gives a Birthday Party.
 * This episode probably takes place in mid- or late March of 1943. The office of Inspector General was first established on 1 March 1943; however, in actual history, the office was Inspector General of Armored Troops, not the whole of the German armed forces. Also, in real life, the position was filled by famed tank combat pioneer Colonel General Heinz Guderian. The fan-derived series timeline has tried to allow time for General von Platzen to assume his post, scan over his files, and pick the ones to follow up that caught his eye - like Klink's record at Stalag 13.
 * Colonel Klink was promoted to Colonel in 1923, assuming the 1943 date for the episode is correct.

Quotes
After Sergeant Schultz has enters Barracks 2 to inform Colonel Hogan that Colonel Klink wants to see him, he notices the pin-up:


 * Hogan - Now, this (pointing to a poster) is a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
 * Schultz - What is this?
 * Hogan - This is a lecture I have to give every six months, Schultz. It's Army regulation.
 * Schultz - Uh, uh, uh, I don't believe you.
 * Hogan - You wanna know what we were really doin'?
 * Schultz - No!

---

After Klink has informed Hogan that an Inspector General was going to arrive at Camp 13:


 * Klink - Everything at camp is in perfect order. Perfect.
 * Hogan (aside, worried) - Up until now, that's true.
 * Klink - But I am well aware, Colonel Hogan, there is nothing you and your men would do to try and undermine my position here - even to have me replaced!
 * Hogan (honestly) - Replace you? Are you kidding? We'd do anything to keep you.
 * Klink - Ah-ah-ahh! (waggles finger for emphasis) I am not a vain man, so do not try flattery. You would like someone less strict, less efficient, less vigilant - is that not so?
 * Hogan - No, you suit us just fine.
 * Klink - Ahh! My record is perfect. In over 200 attempts, not one successful escape ... but I warn you. During this inspection visit I shall keep my eyes upon you, so do not try anything. Is that clear?
 * Hogan (resigned) - Sure, it's clear. It just may be a little too late, that's all.

(Turns out later to be a very ironic conversation.)

--

After Hogan had complained about the food to General von Platzen:


 * von Platzen: If the prisoners do not complain about the food then I know that there is something wrong. (He looks at Klink) You have passed your first test, Klink.

---

As the camp is getting "bombed" prior to Sergeant Olsen's dash for the gates ...


 * von Platzen (on the ground) - B-17s! Barbarians! Now they are bombing prison camps!
 * Klink (likewise) - It is our Leader's fault! He told us that German soil would be sacred? (double-take) What am I saying?
 * Hogan (likewise) - I think it's a thunderstorm.

(Olsen dashes for the dog truck in the confusion and gets inside. Hogan begins to work his way around the Germans after him)


 * Newkirk - Any more firecrackers, Carter?
 * Carter - Yeah, one more.

(There is a mid-sized explosion not far from the camp's firefighting gear)


 * Newkirk - Ooohhh, whew! A person would think there's a war on, wouldn't they?

---

As Olsen looks at him, after opening up the truck that he had hidden in:


 * Olsen: What you do that for, Colonel?
 * Hogan: It's a complicated war, Olsen.

---

After Olsen's failed escape attempt, von Platzen is looking at a book inside Klink's office. He then looks at Klink:


 * von Platzen - Well Klink, in Berlin your record has been under review for some time.
 * Klink (nervous) - There have been ... unfortunate occurences, yes.
 * von Platzen - Twenty years in grade, longer than any colonel in the German army.
 * Klink (starting to get riled) - Were I given my Luftwaffe pilots back, instead of having to deal with men like this (points to Hogan) ....
 * von Platzen - Twenty years, with an efficiency rating one degree above "miserable" until ... you were put in charge of Camp 13.
 * Klink: General, I take full responsibility for the shameful happenings here. It is a stain upon my honor. And I realize that the Inspector General has no other choice but to relieve me of my post.
 * Von Platzen: Klink, you realize what has been going on in other camps?
 * Klink: What is going on?
 * Von Platzen: Wholesale escapes...plots...tunneling like gophers. Only in Camp 13 have there been no escapes.
 * Klink: You mean, I'm to be retained?
 * Von Platzen: No.
 * Klink: No?
 * Hogan: NO!? You're making a big mistake, General!
 * Klink (to Hogan, through his teeth): Get off my side!

Von Platzen then informs he's being sent to Berlin to be put in charge of all of the prisoner-of-war camps, much to Hogan's chagrin...

---

After being informed by von Platzen that Klink would be transferred to Berlin because of his "good" record:


 * Hogan: Alright, alright, so I blew it. If I told you once, I told you a thousand times, don't overdo it. Don't oversell, right? Then I went out and did it.

---

After acknowledging his mistake, Hogan informs his men that they were now going to make Klink look bad:


 * Hogan: Now we have to go the other way - make Klink look bad. How hard can that be?

---

After Kinchloe switches on a tape of a BBC broadcast in the presence of Klink, Schultz, and the Inspector General:


 * Voice of the BBC announcer: This is the overseas service of the BBC...
 * Von Platzen: Vat ist...
 * Klink: Herr General... Schultz!
 * Schultz: Ehhhh...
 * Klink: Where is that radio?
 * Schultz: Ehhhh... They didn't tell me!
 * Klink: Find it at once!!
 * Schultz: Jawohl, Herr Kommand...eeehhhh!!!

As the BBC broadcast continues to be heard inside Barracks 2:


 * Klink: Hogan! Where is that voice coming from?
 * Hogan: From the accent, I'd say England.
 * Von Platzen (to Klink): So, a model camp, Klink? Explosions for arriving guests. A funny Kommandant. And now prisoners tuned into the BBC!? Maybe you can get them all weekend pass to London!?

---

After having been told what the others have just done to Von Platzen's car:


 * Hogan: Alright, alright, this is what we got to do. Carter get into a German uniform. I need another German.
 * Kinchloe: Uhm, how about me?
 * Hogan (Looks at Kinch for a few seconds): Don't be funny. (Then he looks at LeBeau) ...LeBeau. Newkirk fix him up with a uniform. (He then looks back at Kinch) Kinch, get over to the motor pool and requisition another staff car.
 * Kinch: Right.

---

Schultz goes over to von Platzen's staff car to find out what the explosion was:


 * Schultz: It is only a smoke bomb!
 * Klink: Good. Any damage to the motor?
 * Schultz (looks back at the car): What motor?

---

Inside Klink's office, as Klink contemplates what will happen to him after the General von Platzen's report is known in Berlin:

(Hogan looks down at his watch again.
 * Klink: Yes, but..but what miracle could possibly save me now?!
 * Hogan: Think that the train will blow up.
 * Klink: The train will blow up?!
 * Hogan: Only if you believe. (Hogan looks down at his watch.) Better do it quick.
 * Klink: I believe.
 * Hogan: Once again.
 * Klink: I believe! Oh, this is ridiculous.

(Distant explosion)


 * Klink: What was that?
 * Hogan: Sounded like a train blowing up.
 * Klink: A train blowing up? (Placing his right hand inside his shirt) My Star!

---

After Schultz had complained about having to pay $26 for the radio that he would be taking over to Klink:


 * Hogan: Look at it this way, it's tax deductable.
 * Schultz: That's different.
 * The prisoners (as Schultz pays for the radio): Eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs...

Bloopers

 * There was no such position as Inspector General of the German Army during World War II (see Timeline Notes and Speculations).
 * Schultz throws himself on the ground with the prisoners before the first explosion.