One Army at a Time

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Major Wolfgang Hochstetter - Howard Caine
 * Fräulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis

Guest Stars

 * Captain - Dave Willock
 * Sergeant - David Morick

Synopsis
Carter convinces the Germans that he is one of them when he is captured in a German uniform.

Plot Details
The Heroes are preparing for their latest mission down in the tunnels. Each has a German uniform (with the exception of Kinch, for obvious reasons) though Carter's pants don't fit him, a mistake on Newkirk's part as he did the tailoring. After settling a small argument between the two, Hogan gives the Heroes their objectives. They are to assemble at the Milheim Railroad Bridge at 9:30pm, half an hour before the guard shift changes, bluff their way into taking over and then wire the bridge with dynamite. Kinch will be acting as overwatch for the mission and is tasked with keeping note of any patrols. With their objectives clear, the Heroes make their way out of camp and head for the bridge.

They arrive at the bridge without hassle, and the mission seems to be going well as there are no forseeable problems that Hogan can find. However, their luck drastically changes when Kinch comes back from his overwatch and reports the worst possible news: a German patrol is headed their way. Knowing they can't afford the risk of being detected, Hogan orders the Heroes to split up and make their way back to camp. Carter unwisely tries to take the dynamite and detonator with him, and the delay causes him to be caught by the patrol. Thankfully for him, the patrol mistake him for an actual German soldier, and instruct him to return to base with them, which Cater has no choice but to do.

Some time later, the Heroes (sans Carter) regroup in the barracks, and Hogan sums up their failure in one sentence: "Not only don't we blow the bridge, we lose the dynamite, the detonator and Carter!" The mood is grim as Carter is an hour late, and in their minds, it is almost certain that Carter has been captured as they saw him try to take the dynamite and detonator. Hogan grimly tells the group of the nasty feeling he has that Carter is strung up by his thumbs in a Gestapo prison.

Which thankfully is quite the opposite. Carter is in fact enjoying a beer at the Fourth Panzer Brigade Headquarters with the patrol he left the bridge with. He even makes a few jokes with his German "comrades" just as their commanding officer arrives. Carter tries to slip away quietly but is forced to stop when the C.O, a captain asks him about his part in "foiling" the sabotage attempt. Carter claims to have heard a noise, went to investigate and found the dynamite, which satisfies the captain. A tense moment occurs when the captain asks Carter his name, and Carter forgets his cover identity, forcing him to retrieve his falsified papers which he hands over. The captain takes a look at Carter's, or rather "Private Hans Wagner's" record and is impressed as "Wagner" has been involved in the Invasion of Poland, Battle of France and Russian Campaign. Seeing as he is in need of experienced troops, the captain promotes "Wagner" to Acting Corporal and recruits him into his unit. The newly promoted "Acting Corporal Hans Wagner" celebrates with yet another beer.

Later that evening at Stalag 13, Schultz and Major Hochstetter intrude upon Klink as he sleeps. Schultz rouses Klink awake and Hochstetter explains the attempted sabotage of the railroad bridge, and that the Gestapo is checking all prison camps for possible escapees, before ordering Klink to make a surprise roll call. Klink agrees (after Hochstetter threatens him with arrest) and sends Schultz to arrange the roll call. Hochstetter enquires about a hairnet Klink is wearing, and the Prussian colonel replies that it is coated with an ointment to stimulate hair growth. Hochstetter snidely asks if it might stimulate activity under Klink's scalp before leaving.

The Heroes do their best to badger Schultz, as Carter has yet to return (and also since they don't appreciate a midnight roll call) and Newkirk takes Carter's place in line. Schultz notices the change of place and begins a minor argument with Newkirk that buys enough time for Carter to enter the camp and join the roll call in his proper uniform. Schultz gives Carter an earful for not being in his proper place in line and then reports all present to Klink. Hochstetter orders Klink to conduct nightly roll calls until further notice, which Klink agrees to (again under threat).

After being dismissed, Carter explains the events of his evening to the Heroes and also that the Germans now have the dynamite and detonator. Carter then decides to go to bed, having had enough for one night, but Hogan suggests Carter return to the panzer brigade to collect the dynamite and detonator. Carter is horrified, but Hogan points out that they can't get any more and after a great deal of convincing, Carter agrees and heads out.

The next day at lunchtime, Hogan meets with Klink and tries to convince him to abandon the nightly roll calls. Unfortunately Klink's fear of Hochstetter is too great and for once, he does not listen to Hogan's normally expert persuasions. Hilda soon informs Klink that Hochstetter has finished inspecting the camp arsenal (for missing dynamite) and Klink goes to speak to him. Hogan follows and a motorcycle carrying the camp's mail and "Acting Corporal Hans Wagner" arrives. Hogan speaks with Carter who informs Hogan that he can't find the dynamite or detonator and Hogan is forced to give Carter even worse news, the roll calls are still on. Carter pleads for the mission to be scrubbed, but as Klink and Hochstetter are approaching, he covers their conversation by telling Hogan off for supposedly insulting Adolf Hitler, and threatens to shoot him if he dares insult the Fuhrer again before leaving. Klink is incredibly impressed with an enlisted man standing up against an officer with such toughness, that he wonders aloud where the Wehrmacht get such men. Hogan simply replies "I'd hate to tell you."

Later that night as the scheduled roll call begins, Carter manages to sneak back into camp, and line. Though he again is in the wrong place, Schultz decides to let it slide. After the roll call is finished, he prepares to depart back to the brigade, as he has found the Germans are keeping the dynamite in the orderly room. Now that they are seemingly back in business, LeBeau asks when they will try for the bridge again, to which Hogan replies that they can't do so until the roll calls are stopped. Carter also informs the group that the troops from the panzer brigade are being shipped out eastward, thus the job needs to be done quickly so he can return to camp fully. Hogan decides that getting Hochstetter out of the way will cause Klink to ease up, and instructs Carter to rendezvous with the group tomorrow night at 11pm. Carter notices the time and departs, but not before explaining that he is returning to the brigade early to watch a captured Betty Grable film, to the Heroes amusement.

A little later, Kinch phones Hochstetter, and under the guise of a Gestapo officer from Dusseldorf, requests Hochstetter's help interrogating some prisoners who have a connection to the attack on the bridge. Hochstetter agrees, and leaves for Dusseldorf the next morning. Hogan baits Klink into calling off the nightly roll calls, and this time, Klink falls for it.

That night, the Heroes make their way to the bridge, but are forced to the side of the road as a tank approaches them. They are surprised however to find that it is Carter who is driving, having "borrowed" the tank to carry the dynamite in and also to blow it up, since he couldn't find the detonator. The Heroes climb aboard and they take over the guard of the bridge without issue. After rigging the dynamite to the bridge, the Heroes take aim with the tank. The first two attempts go wide, but the third hits the dynamite dead on and destroys the bridge in a terrific explosion. As the Heroes celebrate, Hogan congratulates Carter and credits him with the success. Carter, though appreciative, regrets one thing: he had to miss watching the Betty Grable film.

The next day, Klink receives a phone call from a friend in Luftwaffe Headquarters. The Milheim Bridge was destroyed, and Hochstetter has been recalled to Berlin for disciplinary action due to being absent from his investigation. This news Klink gladly tells Hogan and Schultz, but he doesn't get to celebrate long as the heavyset sergeant forwards a request from Barracks 9 for more hot water, which Klink flatly refuses. Schultz is dismissed and Klink asks if Hogan remembers "the tough, young corporal who told you off." After receiving Hogan's positive reply, Klink mentions that he tried to have him transferred to the Luftwaffe, but found that he deserted. Klink mused that "you just never know" to which Hogan knowingly replies "sometimes it's better that way."

Story Notes

 * This is the one hundred and thirty-ninth episode of the series, but is the one hundred and thirty-eighth episode shown on television and the twentieth episode shown for the Fifth Season.
 * Larry Hovis' wedding ring can be seen while he is disguised as Corporal Hans Wagner. His current assignment is Company C of the 4th Panzer Brigade.
 * A contemporaneous actress is mentioned in the episode: Betty Grable.
 * Klink wears a hairnet smeared with a special hair growth balm while sleeping during this episode.
 * This is the first time we see our heroes use a piece of heavy ground artillery (a German tank) to destroy an intended target. The last time we saw them do something like this was when they hijacked a loaded German bomber to destroy a factory (Hogan Gives a Birthday Party).

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * A date of August, 1944 can be derived from the fictional combat record of "Corporal Wagner." He is assigned to the 4th Panzer Brigade, and his last listed assignment is the Eastern Front. This might correspond to the real-life Heer (Army) 104th Panzer Brigade, which was organized on July 18th, 1944, for the purpose of providing more cannon fodder for the Eastern Front. It was eventually absorbed into the 25th Panzer Division on November 6th, 1944. As for the original 4th Panzer Division, it got ground up by the Russians during General Winter's assault on the Wehrmacht at the end of 1941.
 * Hochstetter's presence also mandates a 1944 date. The fact that he is recalled to Berlin to face discipline for his actions implies that his final fall from the good graces of the SS is not long in coming (War Takes a Holiday).

Trivia

 * This is the one time in the entire series that a Soldbuch (military identification book, literally 'Soldier-book') is ever seen, even if only briefly. This was a vital part of every member of the military in Nazi Germany, as it contained a tremendous amount of information - everything from personal information to issued equipment records, promotions, pay receipts, hospital visits...literally everything official that happened in a German soldier's military life was recorded. In the period after the war, with so much information destroyed and/or unavailable through official channels, many former soldiers used this as their only means of identification.

Bloopers

 * The American M7 Priest self-propelled gun from Hold That Tiger makes a return appearance, again standing in for a German panzer. Much of the motorized equipment on the show, such as the motorcycles and trucks, are in fact American, as it was easier for the production team to acquire.
 * At night, Carter claims he has to get back in time to see the captured Betty Grable film after Hogan tells him that they will bomb the bridge the next day. The following day, after they blow up the bridge, Carter is sad that he will have to miss the movie that night. But really, he should have seen it the night before with his response in the tunnel.
 * Carter complains to Newkirk in the opening scene that he made his German uniform pants too long. This is referenced again near the close of the scene.  But then we see Carter climb up the ladder, his pant legs are tucked into his boots, so the length shouldn't be an issue at all.