Fat Hermann, Go Home

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Major Wolfgang Hochstetter - Howard Caine
 * Marya - Nita Talbot

Guest Stars
None

Synopsis
Hogan plans to get a trainload of stolen paintings back to London, but things get complicated when Marya uses Schultz to impersonate Reichsmarschall Göring.

Plot Details


The episode opens with Hogan drawing a map on the door to one of the camp trucks. The map is one of a German rail-road near Carinhall, an estate of Hermann Göring's. The rail-road also passes close to Stalag 13. As Germany is faring poorly, Göring's art collection, the largest in the world by Hogan's definition (much of it stolen) will be transported by train to be hidden. The Heroes' plan is to steal the collection (though Carter suggests they simply blow it up). The Heroes quickly hide their map as Schultz approaches, who is dressed in a formal uniform and quite happy. Bit by bit he reveals that he has been selected to drive a high ranking German official from Hammelburg to Stalag 13, and he is none other than Hermann Göring! This greatly surprises the Heroes, as they have had no word that Göring was visiting the camp, leading Hogan to agree with Carter's suggestion that Göring is cracking up.

Schultz arrives at a grand hotel in Hammelburg and enters Göring's room, to be greeted instead by the Heroes' old friend Marya, who tells Schultz that Göring is asleep in the bedroom. After giving the heavyset sergeant a drink and asking a few questions about Klink, LeBeau and Hogan, Marya explains that Göring doesn't like making public entrances himself as he has "had to step on certain toes", and thus always has a double do it for him. Schultz has been selected to be Göring's body double as he shares the Reichsmarschall's build. Schultz is overjoyed to be given such a role, however brief, and agrees.

The next morning at Stalag 13, the camp's personnel has fallen out for Göring's visit, and shortly after, a German staff car enters the camp. Klink opens the door for the Reichsmarschall but is greeted by Marya who claims that Göring wishes to be taken to Klink's quarters before instructing the driver to do as such. The car soon stops just outside Klink's quarters, and Schultz clad in Göring's grandly designed uniform steps out and marches into Klink's quarters. Klink and Hogan have not noticed "Göring's" true identity and are confused as to why their guest has shut himself in Klink's quarters, as they both thought he was there to inspect the camp.

Hogan discusses the case with the Heroes, the fact that Göring's art collection is passing by Stalag 13, and now Göring himself is here (or so they think) can't be a coincidence, and they conclude that the art is to be hidden in Stalag 13. Hogan decides to go ahead with robbing the train, but as a precaution, they will take Göring as a hostage too.

That night, Hogan, Carter and LeBeau enter Klink's quarters via tunnel, clad in black and masks. They immediately run into Marya who was waiting for them, and she makes small talk with Hogan, and asks him and LeBeau to remove their masks. To appease her (since she threatens to alert Göring) they do and then get down to business. Marya is well aware of the art train and has a plan. She calls out Göring, who is unmasked to the Heroes as Schultz, and then Marya explains that she has never seen Göring a day in her life and that it would be easier, and have less repercussions to use a fake Göring to steal the art, than the real one. Hogan sees the value of the idea, terrifying the hapless Schultz.

The next day, Klink discusses "Göring's" visit with Hogan, wondering why he came to Stalag 13, and also why he is in the company of Marya, despite being married. They are soon interrupted by Marya, who informs Klink of the art train, and tells him to issue orders on behalf of Göring, to have the art transported to Stalag 13 to be hidden. This as she explains, is the reason "Göring" has decided to visit the camp. When Klink wonders aloud how he will hide a trainload of art, Hogan sarcastically suggests being given a rug for his office.

Later that day, the art has been delivered to Stalag 13 and is being stored in an unused barracks. Hogan quickly instructs his men to take the paintings into the tunnels and remove them from their frames (as it would be too difficult to move the other pieces). He also has Kinch radio London to get some planes to retrieve them, and Carter to set up some firecrackers in the woods as a diversion.

A while later, Major Hochstetter arrives in camp and angrily accuses Klink of train robbery. Klink uses Göring's orders as his defense, but Hochstetter refuses to believe a word of it, especially when Klink is forced to admit that he never actually saw Göring and the orders were relayed through Marya, a citizen of an enemy nation. The Heroes are listening in via the coffee pot receiver and Hogan, knowing the Gestapo will check on "Göring" quickly instructs Carter, LeBeau and Newkirk to light the firecrackers and Kinch to direct the planes. Hogan quickly rushes off to Klink's quarters and ropes Schultz into helping him by continuing to impersonate Göring and put on some shaving cream. Marya is oddly optimistic about their chances, and takes the time to demand one planeload of paintings be sent to Russia. With little other choice, Hogan agrees. Klink and Hochstetter barge in shortly after and the latter threatens to arrest everyone. Marya however quite calmly calls in "Göring" and he arrives, demanding to know why he is being disturbed. Hochstetter, though confused, regains his composure quickly and reveals that Hermann Göring was seen at Carinhall an hour ago and that "Göring" couldn't possibly be him. Promptly, Hochstetter orders his men to arrest everyone, "Göring" included. They never get the chance however, as the firecrackers go off, and Hochstetter takes Klink with him to lead the counter-attack. Meanwhile, the Heroes use the distraction to move the paintings to the planes, and the day is won for the Heroes, with Hogan and Marya sharing a kiss.

The next day as Hochstetter is due to leave camp, he desperately ponders what to do, as all he has to report to Berlin is that millions of Reichsmarks worth of art is missing, Göring may or may not have been involved and six Gestapo soldiers have been wounded by shooting each other. Hogan suggests that Hochstetter tell the story to make himself seem like the hero who saved most of the collection, and also to leave Göring out. Hochstetter agrees after Hogan goes on to suggest that Göring was in camp to organize a coup against Adolf Hitler, and it would be advantageous for Hochstetter not to take sides. As Hochstetter leaves, Klink rounds on Schultz for being absent without leave and sentences him to thirty days solitary confinement before retiring to his office. Schultz bemoans the punishment, and is even more flustered when Hogan offers him a painting as compensation.

Story Notes

 * This is the one hundred and thirty-sixth episode of the series, but is the one hundred and thirty-fifth episode shown on television and the seventeenth episode shown for the Fifth Season.
 * Marya returns for this episode.
 * Schultz impersonates Reichsmarshall Herman Göring, Hitler's second-in-command of the German Reich, in this episode.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This is yet another one of those episodes that is difficult to date. It can't be the same as the real-life event (March 8-13, 1945) due to Kinch's presence. Kinch was gone from Stalag 13 by 1945. Therefore, in the world of the series, Field Marshall Göring began removing his art treasures from Carinhall a year earlier than he did in real life. The closest date historically for a similar event would be the removal of Hitler's own art collection from his private museum in Linz, Austria. The first convoy left Linz for the salt mines of Au Ausse in July of 1944. Also, according to Marya, the artworks on the train were second-rate, and not the real treasures that Göring prized above all others. Was this possibly a preliminary evacuation of works that Göring planned to sell later on, after the end of the war? Also, one must take into account Hochstetter's presence, and the fact that all of his episodes take place in 1944 (bracketed by Heil Klink and War Takes A Holiday). Given these data points, a late summer of 1944 date seems possible, but other suggestions are welcome.

Bloopers

 * When the 'partisan attack' begins, Hochstetter (played by Howard Caine) reaches for his gun. The actor looks down and fumbles in confusion, as it is plainly evident that his holster is open and his Luger is nowhere to be found. In the next scene, however, he has it in his hand.
 * This was more of a casting error than a true blooper; similarities in build aside, actor John Banner actually bore little resemblance to Hermann Göring even at the latter's heaviest--for example, Banner's hair had grayed and begun to thin and bald by that time in his career, but the real Göring's hair remained full-headed and dark, without hairpieces, throughout his years in power. Even Leon Askin would have been a poor choice as Göring's impostor.