Guess Who Came To Dinner

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars
None

Guest Stars

 * Heidi Eberhardt - Marj Dusay
 * Otto von Krubner - Milton Selzer
 * Max - Ned Glass
 * Curt - Walter Morgan

Synopsis
Hogan learns his underground contact may be a double agent after he arranges for her escape to England.

Plot Details
It is a beautiful day in nearby Hammelburg. Hogan, dressed in civilian clothes, is visiting one of the local grocery stores. Its prices are outrageous, but the food is fresh and - after all - there is a war going on. Hogan nonchalantly approches the owner, a genial older fellow named Max, and after exchanging coded recognition signals asks if his contact is there. Max points out a beautiful-looking middle-aged woman with pinned-up long black hair, dressed in expensive clothes and a fur hat. Heidi Eberhardt is not what Hogan was expecting, nor honestly did she expect to be there. She will no longer be able to help the Unsung Heroes, she tells him, because her days are numbered. The Gestapo suspects her, is now tailing her, and has bugged her quarters. She fully expects to be arrested soon. She asks if Hogan can arrange for her to escape to England. Hogan promises he'll try. Heidi says that she is staying at the Hauserhof and will be ready when he is. Hogan says he'll do what he can. On his return back to camp, though, Hogan learns that his act of kindness might have just put his entire operation at risk. While he was away, London sent word to Kinch on the radio that Heidi is most likely a Gestapo plant. Hogan is dumbfounded - even more so since he has already arranged for her pickup. The underground agents he has asked to meet with Heidi appear to be walking into a cleverly laid trap - one that is about to ensnare the Unsung Heroes as well. Newkirk, true to form, offers to take care of Heidi himself, but Hogan politely turns down his presumably gallant offer.

With no time to lose, Hogan and his men try to devise a plan to save the underground agents. Their pow-wow is interrupted by Schultz summoning them to a special roll call. He also tells Hogan that Klink wants to see him in his office. An important guest is paying a courtesy visit to Stalag 13: Otto von Krubner, one of Germany's wealthiest and most powerful industrialists. His specialty is the arms trade, and his reputation is such that even the Allies know about him. His efforts on behalf of the Third Reich have made him a close friend of the Fuhrer, which explains all the fuss Klink is making about the visit. Klink himself plans to use the occasion to worm his way into von Krubner's favor, hopefully to win himself a position in his company once the war is over. Hogan pretends not to be impressed and goes to Klink's office as summoned. He suggests that Klink wine and dine von Krubner with LeBeau's cooking, rather than treat them to "the heartburn Hofbrau," and Klink eagerly accepts the officer. He then arranges for LeBeau, with Schultz guarding him, to go into town to pick up some groceries for the dinner - and thus, Hogan is able to warn the underground about Heidi in time to cancel the prearranged pickup.

Once von Krubner arrives, the formalities are observed as Hogan is introduced to the industrialist. Hogan is shocked, though when he is introduced to von Krubner's lovely fiance. She is none other than Heidi, the supposed Gestapo agent. She immediately suggests to von Krubner that Hogan join them for dinner that evening. Her fiance agrees, because he wants to know more about the United States. He is planning to branch out his business there once it becomes part of the Nazi sphere, and he admits he could use men like Hogan to help him. Hogan firmly turns down the offer of a job but agrees to the dinner invitation. Both Hogan and Heidi play innocent in front of the others, but once they are outside Heidi contrives to "accidentally" drop and spill her purse. Hogan offers to help her, and while von Krubner continus to humor Klink by listening to him rant about a future job, she confronts him about the planned pickup. "Why don't you ask your last contact if he's still alive?" Hogan curtly tells her. Heidi appears genuinely shocked and afraid. She claims she couldn't get back to him in time to warn him about the Gestapo. Hogan doesn't bend an inch. "In our racket, you're known as a bad risk," he tells her evenly. At that moment von Krubner calls for her to join him. "Just a moment, my darling" she calls back sweetly, then moves so that he cannot see her face. She looks directly at Hogan and speaks quickly in low tones. "You may not trust me but I trust you." As she pretends to thank him, loudly, for helping her with her purse, she also adds in half-whispers, "Von Krubner has just started production in a secret factory in Rhindlesgaard." With that, she turns and leaves Hogan, rejoining her fiance and Klink as the camp commandant escorts them to guest quarters.

Later, as he meets with some of the Unsung Heroes in his office, Hogan is still not sure about Heidi - even given the intelligence tip. Carter, as usual, offers his form of sage wisdom. He claims she's not a double agent because she doesn't look or smoke like Mata Hari, the legendary double agent. "Carter," Hogan says in an irritated tone, "you're one World War behind." After a brief discussion about the meal LeBeau is planning for Klink, von Krubner and Frau Eberhardt, Kinch pops up from the tunnels to join them. He has good news for Hogan. Heidi was telling the truth, and the Allies already have a bombing mission enroute to destroy von Krubner's secret factory. Hogan's men are relieved to hear the news, but no so Hogan. "When they hit it," he points out, "the Gestapo's going to know who gave out the information." Again, Newkirk immediately volunteers to take care of Heidi for Hogan (surprise, surprise!), and again Hogan turns him down. They have only a hour, maybe two at the most, to come up with a real plan - else Heidi will be eating her dessert with the Gestapo.

Night has fallen on Stalag 13. Inside Klink's quarters, the camp commandant is treating his guests and Hogan to one of LeBeau's legendary meals. As usual, Carter is serving as both busboy and waiter, while Schultz is quite comfortable staying in the kitchen as "official food taster" - much to LeBeau's irritation. The last courses of the meal have been served, and Klink and his guests being to engage in after-dinner conversation. Klink proudly brags about the antique china service he has provided - "every plate is over 100 years old!" - and LeBeau promptly shatters a large serving dish "accidentally" when a giddy Klink says, "The French have always been great cooks but terrible fighters!" Next come a round of toasts to the Fuhrer and the Fatherland, with Hogan pointedly abstaining. Klink also proposes they wish for a speedy end to the war. "That's in bad taste," Hogan observes, "right in front of your munitions maker." Von Krubner is quick to disagree, pointing out, "The quicker the war is over, the quicker I can establish factories in our new colones - the United States." The German industrialist is feeling so good that he even says he could use a man of Klink's unique talents (hoo-boy, is it thick in here!) Hogan plays along with the mood of the dinner but pointedly refuses von Krubner's "generous" offer of a postwar job. Instead, he takes the opportunity to ask whether or not he should move his factories to new locations. The munition maker confidenly responds that all of his plants are carefully hidden. "Especially the one at Rhindlesgaard," Hogan says nonchalantly, sipping his wineglass.

The remark stops the party cold. Heidi shoots Hogan a worried look. Her fiance's response is first one of shock, but then it quickly passes to forced unconcern. "There is no factory at Rhindlesgaard," von Krubner says quietly. "Oh," Hogan responds, just as quietly. "Then the rumor of the bombing must not be true." One can almost hear a pin drop as von Krubner glares at Hogan, then rushes for Klink's phone. The factory is bombed out of existence even as he is making contact with the plant manager, and von Krubner immediately turns on Heidi. "There is only one person who could have given out this information," he says evenly, then picks the phone back up. "Get me the Gestapo," he barks, demanding they send a car at once to Klink's quarters to pick up a confirmed enemy agent. "Colonel Fink?" says the voice on the other end of the line. "No, Klink!" von Krubner exclaims, then gives the Nazi salute and hangs up. Heidi tries to protest her innocence, but von Krubner grabs her and pulls her to him with such force that he tears her pearl bracelet off of her wrist. "The Gestapo told me you were suspect but I did not believe them," he says, with cold malice. When she protests that there is not proof, he cooly adds, "I'm sure the Gestapo will find out."

Shortly thereafter, a black car enters camp and pulls up in front of Klink's quarters. An older-looking man dressed in standard Gestapo plainclothes, accompanied by a guard in full uniform, strides inside as if he owns the place. Heidi is visibly frightened, and the painful wrenching von Krubner gave her wrists hasn't helped matters any. "Colonel Fink?" says the man in black. "Not Fink, Klink!" the camp commandant responds. The man ignores him and thumbs at Heidi. "Is this the prisoner?" he asks. Heidi is staring straight ahead, not looking, trying and failing to compose herself. She is scared out of her wits. Behind her, von Krubner picks up the broken bracelet, then walks around and hands it to her. "Yes, she is the prisoner," he announces. Without looking Heidi takes the proffered bracelet, and seconds later feels a hand gloved in black take her by the upper arm. "You will come with me," says the Gestapo man. He begins walking briskly to the door, almost dragging her. She grabs at her coat as she passes Hogan and the Gestapo man yanks at her. She spins around and comes face to face with him ... and with a sudden start, realizes that he is actually Max, the Hammelburg grocer and fellow member of the German underground. The guard, too, is also an underground agent, and the person who answered the phone was Newkirk down in the tunnels, doing his best German Gestapo impersonation on the Unsung Heroes' private switchboard. Heidi quickly composes herself, looks down at Hogan - who looks back, also without saying anything - then allows herself to be taken to the door. She turns and takes one last look at von Krubner and Klink before she leaves, saying proudly, "I'm glad its over." Max looks sternly at the others. "The Gestapo will deal with her in our usual way," he announces, then salutes. "Heil Hitler!" With that, they are gone. Hogan and the Germans hear car doors slam, then the sound of an engine going away into the night and fog, never to return (Nacht und Nebel). It is some time before anyone can say anything, and the first to speak is Hogan. "Does that break up the party?" he asks in an innocent tone.

As Klink runs to fetch von Krubner's driver, the industrialist slows his pace to have a few words with Hogan, who has follwed the two outside. He insinuates to Hogan that the Gestapo will shortly be paying him a visit, too, as he seemed to know too much about the bombing for his own good. He fails to shake Hogan's bravado, though, and even as they are talking they are interrupted by the arrival of LeBeau with a mid-sized cake box. "You enjoyed the desert so much, here's some to take home with you," LeBeau says. The gift is accepted with genuine honesty on von Krubner's part, as he thoroughly enjoyed the meal - if not anything else that has happened this night. "Bon appetit," Hogan says with his trademark smile, as von Krubner's driver arrives and the two get into his car and leave. The car clears the kommandantur, and has reached the open area in front of the main gate when suddenly there is a tremendous explosion. Hogan pulls Klink down as twisted metal and shrapnel fly in all directions, and as the car is blown apart from the inside out, instantly killing both its occupants. Alarm sirens begin to sound from the guard towers as a horrified Klink staggers to his feet. "Von Krubner is dead!" he exclaims repeatedly. "I'll betcha that girl planted a bomb in the car," Hogan confides to him. All Klink can do is to stammer in reply, "There goes my trip to Palm Springs!"

Story Notes

 * This is the one hundred and first episode of the series, but is the one hundredth and first episode to be shown on television and is the ninth episode shown for the Fourth Season.
 * The episode's title is a sort of spoof of the 1967 film Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
 * The following famous spy was mentioned: Mata Hari.
 * This novel and film was mentioned: All Quiet on the Western Front.
 * Klink claims his Meissen china service is over 100 years old. It was obtained by his family to use on special occasions.
 * Klink has never been to the United States.
 * Stalag 13 has a camp band recruited from its German staff members. Klink orders it to play for von Krubner when he arrives. This is the only reference to an official camp band (not one among the POWs) in the whole series.
 * Schultz claims to be a war hero, making reference to the events described in The Rise and Fall of Sergeant Schultz.
 * Even though it might be simple patronizing on his part, Herr Krubner is one of the few Germans of any stature who treats Klink with any measure of respect in the series. Similarly, he is one of the few who acknowledges that Klink might have talents worthy of mention, as he claims he can use Klink's "unique abilities" in his own organization.
 * Ironicallly the part of the two Germans are played by Jewish actors...Krubner by Milton Selzner  and Max by Ned Glass

Background Trivia

 * Otto von Krubner's character appears to have been loosely inspired by Alfried Krupp von Bohlen und Halbach, president of one of the oldest munitions companies in Germany and later convicted as a war criminal at the Nuremburg trials for the use of slave labor during the Nazi regime.
 * Hogan cracks a joke about the German Labor Front's work program "Strength Through Joy" (Kraft durch Freude). His joke appears to refer to an even more nasty one, made by the Germans themselves about the true meaning of the motto, as described by author William Shirer in his book, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. As noted in the first hardcover edition, p. 254,

I lose Strength through Joy.
 * Moral problems soon arose. The presence of a pretty young city girl sometimes disrupted a peasant's household, and angry complaints from parents about their daughters' having been made pregnant on the farms began to be heard, but that wasn't the only problem. Usually a girl's [Land Jahr] camp was located next to a Labor Service camp for young men. The juxtaposition seems to have made for many pregnancies, too. One couplet - a take-off on the "Strength Through Joy" movement of the Labor Front, but it applied especially to the Land Jahr of the young maidens - went the rounds of Germany:
 * In the fields and on the heath


 * Contrary to Schultz's assertions, Hermann Göring was in fact a war hero - from the First World War, that is. He was the third and final commander of the famed Flying Circus (Jagdgeschwader 1), the same airplane squadron once led by the Red Baron, Manfred von Richoften. He racked up twenty-two enemy kills in his own right. He and all of the pilots under his command deliberately wrecked their planes instead of turning them over to the victorious Allies as the armistice demanded. This action, coupled with his war record, made him a hero in the eyes of the German people.
 * Klink's insult about the fighting capabilities of the French refers to the fact that up until World War I, Germany (or its ancestor, Prussia) had soundly beaten France in almost every war in which the two countries had become engaged - and even in World War I, the latest (at that time), only Allied support had kept France from complete collapse. The topic is still a sore point among the older generations of both countries.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This is the twenty-seventh episode in chronological order, per the series timeline. It follows The Great Impersonation, and is in turn followed by The Gold Rush.
 * This probably takes place in February of 1943. Hogan alludes to the recent Russian victory at Stalingrad, which came about on January 30, 1943.
 * Some fans prefer to place this episode before Cuisine a La Stalag 13, since LeBeau instructs Carter on the proper way to serve food. Contradicting this is the fact that Schultz mentions his volunteer duty as official food taster, which is already established by the time Cuisine a La Stalag 13 takes place. This apparent contradiction arises from the fact that this episode was produced first.
 * Hogan asks if "the radio's out again." The last time this happened was when Kinch accidentally blew up the radio in The Great Brinksmeyer Robbery.
 * Hogan took his pre-flight training at the U.S. Army airbase in Palm Springs, Florida.

Quotes
Hogan asks Max about the mysterious woman (Heidi) in the grocery store, under the guise of wondering about the freshness of his cauliflowers.


 * Hogan (low voice, motioning with his head) - Is, um, that the contact from the underground?
 * Max (voice also low) - I don't know. I've been too busy to find out.
 * Hogan (voice low) - I'll check it.
 * Max (voice low, worried) - Be careful, Colonel. She may be a Gestapo man in disguise.
 * Hogan (voice low, sidewise look at Heidi's legs) - With those legs, I hope he's free for dinner.
 * Max (voice low) - Um-hmmh. If she IS from the underground, tell her to stop squeezing my tomatoes.

(Hogan just gives him a knowing, slightly exasperated look, as if to say, "I'd rather squeeze hers.")

Hogan, on female double agents


 * Hogan - Why is it you can only trust short, dumpy spies?

Hogan discusses the situation with Heidi with his men.


 * Hogan - We've got to warn Hans and Fritz before our beautiful traitor leads them into a trap.
 * Newkirk - Well, sir, inasmuch as this bird is dangerous, why don't we, umm, set a trap for her?
 * Hogan - What have you got in mind?
 * Newkirk - Well, the sort of bait you use for a beautiful young woman is a dashing, exciting young man with a lot of sex appeal.
 * Carter (interrupting) - Listen, Newkirk, I'm not going out on another dangerous mission.
 * LeBeau (jumping in) - That goes for me, too.
 * Newkirk (irritated) - You're barmy, both of you!
 * LeBeau - Why don't we send Newkirk? The Gestapo will never be looking for a homely man with NO sex appeal!

(Carter begins laughing)


 * Newkirk (exasperated) - You're all around the bend!

Schultz discusses von Grubner's impending visit with the men of Barracks 2


 * Hogan - He is a very important person! In fact, he has a castle next to the Fuhrer's in Berchtesgaden.
 * Carter - Nice having a munitions maker for a neighbor.
 * Newkirk - Yeah, you can always pop next door and borrow a cup of dynamite.
 * Hogan - If von Grubner's coming, the first thing we've got to do is put up a NO SMOKING sign.

(everyone laughs)

Klink discusses a possible postwar career with Hogan


 * Klink (excited) - I could be von Grubner's representative in the United States. I've always wanted to visit your country!
 * Hogan - Yeah, you could go to Hollywood and star in the remake of All Quiet on the Western Front.
 * Klink (missing the joke, speaking with awe) - Hollywood! I would like to go to Hollywood. I hear that the climate is marvelous!
 * Hogan - Just great. [And you can s]pend weekends in Palm Springs.
 * Klink (still excited) - Palm Springs, yes! I've heard of that, too! Isn't that where the, ahmm, young frauleins all walk around with their bathing suits on, eh? (knowing chuckle)
 * Hogan - I can see you kept up your subscription to Strength Through Joy monthly.

Hogan and Klink discuss the quality of food served by the camp kitchens.


 * Klink (indignantly) - What's wrong with my cooks?!
 * Hogan - Face it, colonel, at your sick call there's standing room only. I'll have LeBeau go into town, do a little shopping, and it's "Palm Springs, here I come!"
 * Klink - I can't let LeBeau go into Hammelburg!
 * Hogan - Put him under heavy guard. Send Schultz with him - you haven't got a heavier guard than that.
 * Klink - Why should LeBeau go shopping in town? Why can't he use the food from our mess hall? (i.e. that used by the German guards and officers)
 * Hogan (rolling his eyes) - C'mere.

(Hogan slowly walks over to the window in Klink's office, opens it wide, and motions for him to come over)


 * Hogan (matter-of-factly) - They're preparing lunch now.

(Klink leans out the window, sniffs deeply, and almost gags. Hogan quietly closes the window as Klink stumbles back to his desk.)


 * Hogan (quietly) - Does that answer your question?

(Klink looks at him, then slowly nods his head)

Max the grocer jumps Schultz for taking and eating an apple without paying for it.


 * Max (sternly) - That will be five pfennig.
 * Schultz (surprised) - For an apple?!
 * Max - That is the price.
 * Schultz (upset) - But I'm a guard at the camp.
 * Max (mocking smile) - Hrmph! That does not entitle you to free apples.
 * Schultz (indignant) - You would make a war hero pay for a piece of fruit?
 * Max (mad) - I would make Herman Goring pay for a piece of fruit!
 * Schultz - Who told you HE was a war hero?!

LeBeau and Newkirk argue about their national tastes in edibles (again!)


 * LeBeau - Now what would an Englishman know about gourmet cooking?
 * Newkirk (after a beat) - Hold on, we've got some very nice dishes!
 * LeBeau (French snob manner) - Sure, Yorkshire pudding! A sick pizza.

Bloopers

 * The name of Klink's guest is spelled "von Krubner" in the credits, but is pronounced as "von Grubner" throughout (perhaps it was a "soft" k-sound?).
 * In the first mention of the name in the episode, Schulz mispronounces von Krubner as "von Grubler."
 * LeBeau says he hates "Boche" dogs when he mentions he has two French poodles. Poodles are in fact of German heritage.
 * During the scene in which he accuses Heidi of being a spy, von Krubner wrenches her wrist so hard that he tears off her pearl bracelet (22:15). This does not appear to have been scripted. Actor Milton Selzer (von Krubner) seems to have surprised actress Marj Dusay (Heidi) with the action, as she appears visibly hurt as the take continues. The technique of such surprise unscripted actions to enchance a scene is common, but is not always appreciated by those on the receiving end. Two other well-known examples of this are the chest-burster scene from the sci-fi horror movie Alien and the rough treatment received by diner owner Norma Jennings (Peggy Lipton) at the hands of her estranged husband (Chris Mulkey) in the cult TV series Twin Peaks.