The Safecracker Suite

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars
None

Guest Stars

 * Alfie the Artist - Walter Burke
 * Major Kronman - Anthony Eustrel
 * Captain Guenther - Booth Colman
 * Burgermeister - Eric Lord
 * Soldier - Christopher Riordan

Synopsis
Klink agrees to help Hogan steal the evidence to the assassination plot against Hitler made by an old friend of Klink's.

Plot Details:
The episode begins with Hogan entering Klink's office to ask the Kommandant for a "few" things on behalf of his men. Klink is astounded when Hogan unrolls a ludicrously long list and promptly denies Hogan's requests for building a mini golf course, for two extra slices of bread for each man, and to bring local girls into camp for weekend dances. Meanwhile a German major appears in camp, introducing himself to Schultz as Major Kronman. He asks Schultz to park his car out of sight and mentions he is on a special mission, before heading into Klink's office.

Schultz announces Kronman to Klink, but after ascertaining that Kronman is not from the Gestapo, he tells Schultz that he is too busy to see anyone. However his tune soon changes when Kronman enters his office and Klink realises Kronman is an old friend of his. They embrace like brothers and Klink tells Hogan that he and Kronman took military training together at Potsdam. He then introduces Hogan to Kronman and arranges for Schultz to take his friend to the VIP quarters used by General Burkhalter. However before long they are interrupted by Captain Guenther from the Gestapo who promptly arrests Kronman for conspiracy to assassinate Hitler. Before they take Kronman away however, the major slips a key into Hogan's hands. Guenther asks Klink if Kronman is a friend of his, and the fearful Klink claims not to know him. The Gestapo captain orders Klink not to leave camp until he hears from the Gestapo, and promptly leaves. Klink sinks into his office chair in shame, and Hogan quickly asks him to reconsider the weekend dances. But just gets an angry look from the Prussian Kommandant in return.

Later that night, as the Heroes are eating dinner, Hogan tells his men that the key belongs to safety deposit box nine at a local hotel (as per the inscription). LeBeau asks why Kronman gave it to him, to which Hogan replies that he probably didn't want the Gestapo to find it, seeing as the box probably contains something valuable. Carter wonders why Kronman didn't slip Klink the key, given that they were friends. Hogan tells him that in today's Germany, a German cannot trust another German. They are soon met by Kinch, who has London's reply to what they have told them. Kronman is indeed believed to be a member of a conspiracy to kill Hitler. London orders the Heroes to assist Kronman if possible, but Hogan tells his men it would be impossible to get him out of the Gestapo's clutches. However, he does tell them he wants to look inside the deposit box the key belongs to after raiding all the other boxes and making it look like a robbery. Newkirk hushes the Heroes enthusiasm for the plan by telling them that a safety deposit box would be kept in a high-security safe, and that cracking the safe would be beyond his usually impressive skills. He tells the rest of the Heroes that they need to blast the safe open, and a professional job would be best. Kinch tells the group that there are no safecrackers among the prisoners, so Newkirk suggests they get an outsider for the job. The English corporal suggests they hire Alfred Burke aka "Alfie the Artist" whom Newkirk heaps praise upon. Hogan agrees and sends Newkirk and Kinch to notify London to find and send over Alfie by plane. Kinch asks Newkirk where to find Alfie, to which Newkirk replies that they just need to ask Scotland Yard, as they know where he is at all times.

The next day, Kinch tells Hogan that London have found Alfie the Artist (he was in a Pentonville prison) and that he has agreed to do the job. He will be flown and parachuted outside the camp that night. Hogan directs Newkirk to find him and bring him into camp using the emergency tunnel. As Klink leaves his office, Hogan tells the rest of his men to scatter while he speaks to Klink. The American colonel asks Klink to take him to his office for a talk. Klink asks if Hogan wants more favours for his men, and promptly denies that Hogan's behaviour warrants such privileges. He even "asks" Schultz his opinion on the matter (but doesn't even wait to hear his reply) and tells Hogan to stop wasting his time. Hogan brings out the key, and tells Klink how he got it and what it is for, to which Klink quickly agrees to hear what Hogan has to say. As they enter the office, Klink demands Hogan hand over the key, which Hogan does (even before Klink threatens him for it). Hogan suggests Klink could hand the key in to the Gestapo and clear himself of wrongdoing, to which Klink agrees. But the wily American also suggests that doing so would make him look guilty, and that Kronman might have something to incriminate him in the box. Hogan offers to open the box himself, if Klink agrees to cooperate and overlook some things that Hogan will have to do to arrange it. Klink asks why Hogan would want to help him given that they are enemies. Hogan quickly claims that if Klink were transferred, some prisoners might try to escape due to Klink's "perfect" escape record being washed away, and such escapees could be injured or killed. By helping Klink he will be saving his men. Hogan even toasts Klink (with Klink's own alcohol) when Klink proudly makes boasts after hearing Hogan's claims.

That night, Newkirk brings Alfie the Artist into the camp. Alfie expresses great joy over seeing their tunnel system, but says it's a pity it doesn't lead into a bank. He then asks for a cup of tea (having brought his own tea leaves) and is introduced to Hogan. After some small talk, Alfie asks what his job will be. Hogan hands him the key to the deposit box, to which Alfie looks at its inscription and works out what type of safe he will be cracking, and its safety features, all from memory. He tells the Heroes he will need twelve minutes to crack the safe (and a cup of tea afterwards). He also dismisses Hogan's query of if he will need any equipment, as he brought his equipment with him. LeBeau (who was at the door) tells the group that someone is coming, and the Heroes scramble into disguising Alfie as a prisoner with a uniform hat and coat. Schultz enters the barracks and dismisses Hogan's claim that all are present, given that another guard reported seeing Newkirk outside the perimeter fence. Newkirk claims he has been in camp the whole time, and Schultz notices Alfie. When he asks who Alfie is, the elderly Englishman claims to be a prisoner. Schultz doesn't believe him as he is far too old to be in the army. He is about to arrest Alfie when Klink enters the barracks. Schultz goes to report Alfie to Klink, but Klink stops him when he sees Hogan swinging the key from his hand. Klink then says that he wants to know nothing, before leaving the room. Hogan tells the confused Schultz that Klink needs a vacation

The next day, Hogan enters the barracks with a floor plan to the hotel (courtesy of Klink). He details the layout of the room to the Heroes and directs Kinch to handle getting Alfie into and out of the alcove holding the safe. He tells the rest of the group that Klink will be hosting a party for the officers and townspeople as a cover. As Hogan speaks, Alfie is busy cleaning his tools. Hogan asks if they're disturbing him, to which Alfie responds in the negative. The elderly Englishman asks for a screen to be placed over the alcove, the window to be unlocked and for someone to check the road conditions for the getaway. When asked if that is all he needs, Alfie then asks for yet another cup of tea.

That night, the party is in full swing. The Heroes (except for Hogan) are serving as waiters, and Klink, despite claims of being rock-steady, is consuming as many drinks as possible to calm his nerves. Hogan tells his men that it's nearly time, and unlocks the window in the alcove. Alfie and Kinch begin to approach the hotel and Hogan talks with Klink. The Prussian Kommandant asks if there will be much noise when the theft occurs, to which Hogan responds that there may, and all he has to do is yell "air raid" when it does. Klink tries to get another drink, but Hogan stops him and tells him that he needs to be sober in case anything happens. They are soon interrupted by Captain Guenther who demands to know why Hogan is out of camp. Klink claims that it is a reward in exchange for some vital information. Guenther informs Klink that Kronman was shot while trying to escape, and that the investigation into him is by no means closed. He then goes to have a look around and nearly catches Alfie opening the safe. However he is distracted by LeBeau, Carter and Newkirk singing Irving Berlin's "This is the Army" long enough for Alfie to hide. Guenther finishes his inspection and leaves, and Alfie gets to work lighting the explosives. The room shakes from the explosion and the Heroes empty box number nine and give the package to Hogan.

The next day, Hogan visits Klink in his office. Klink tells him that he has just heard that the Gestapo are convinced of Klink's innocence, and that they believe the explosion at the party was an attempt on his life. He asks for the list from the deposit box. Hogan offers to give it to him in exchange for two extra slices of bread per day, all Red Cross packages delivered on time, and an extra shower for each prisoner per week. Klink agrees to these requests and takes the list. He is horrified to learn that the list is of people Kronman was attempting to recruit into the conspiracy, and that his name is on the top. He quickly burns the list and asks Hogan not to tell anyone of it. Hogan asks when the prisoners will be able to take their extra shower, and Klink smugly insists that the deal is off, now that the evidence has been disposed of. Hogan however, suggests that he made a copy of the list and successfully gets the prisoners privileges back, with Klink asking them to not use a lot of hot water.

Story Notes

 * This is the twenty-eighth produced episode of the series, but is the twenty-seventh episode to be shown on television.
 * The title is a pun based on Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's ballet, The Nutcracker Suite.
 * A wedding ring on Larry Hovis' left hand is seen during the episode as his character, Sergeant Carter (who is unmarried) is seen eating dinner.
 * One of the actors who is normally seen only as a background prisoner is used as a guard by the door to Klink's office.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * A date of late April or early May of 1943 would naturally tie into the initial roundup of anti-Hitler conspirators by the Gestapo. This would have been the group headed by Colonel Hans Oster of the Abwehr. This might also be the earliest possible date that news of the anti-Hitler conspiracy would have reached our heroes.
 * "This is the Army Mister Jones" is a song from the movie/musical This is the Army. If the prisoners are familiar with the song (the movie came out in August '43 the musical July 4, 1942, to September 26, 1942) it could put the episode after the movie's release date of August 1943.

Bloopers

 * Alfie the Artist, the British safecracker being flown in to help Hogan, is dropped by parachute outside of Stalag 13. The plane that delivers him is a postwar C-119 which did not enter service until 1949 and bears postwar USAF insignia and colors.