Hogan's Hofbrau

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fräulein Helga - Cynthia Lynn

Guest Stars

 * Captain Milheiser - Frank Marth
 * Lieutenant Schmidt (Durnitz) - Willard Sage
 * Hilda - Paula Stewart
 * Soldier - Roger Helfond

Synopsis
Hogan visits a local Hofbrau to get the plans to a German army division that is camping out nearby.

Plot Details
The episode begins with LeBeau and Newkirk standing and sitting, respectively, on the roof of Klink's office, near the flagpole, with Newkirk pretending to paint the roof while LeBeau is using a pair of binoculars to watch some activity that is occurring inside the nearby countryside. Carter, who is standing inside one of the camp's towers with one of the guards, picks up a pair of binoculars while the guard isn't watching him, and starts to watch the same activity that LeBeau and Newkirk are looking at. At about the same time, Kinchloe is wiping some frost off of one of Klink's office windows from the outside before he starts to listen in on a telephone conversation that Klink is having, via a listening device. Kinch is soon writing the conversation down on a notepad. Meanwhile, the tower guard catches Carter with the binoculars and the two are soon arguing while the guard takes the binoculars away from him. Back on the roof, LeBeau tells Newkirk something. As Newkirk writes the information onto a pad, LeBeau falls off the roof, but when Newkirk looks for him, he sees that LeBeau has fallen into Schultz's arms. Later, inside Barracks 2, the four tells Colonel Hogan what they'd seen and heard: Carter tells him that he saw a Panzer Division with 16 Tiger tanks rolling by, and being followed by supply trucks, before the guard took the glasses from him, followed by Newkirk who tells him that LeBeau has seen that as well as another column, with LeBeau adding that the column is a mile long, and that it contained troop carriers, support artillery and a medical unit. The two then adds that the unit went speeding down the road, going past Hilda's Hofbrau. Kinch then tells Hogan that he had tapped into Klink's phoneline and had heard his entire conversation. After he hears Hogan compliments him, Kinch recounts the conversation, along with Newkirk, with the two doing an imitation of both Klink and the German officer whom Klink had spoken with. The group then finds out that what they had just seen going past their camp has been elements of the Adolf Hitler Division, which is setting up camp in the area. Hogan tells Kinch to go and pass this information along to London, and to asked them what to do, then tells the others to see what else they can find out. Kinch then adds that during the conversation he could tell that Klink is afraid of the Adolf Hitler Division, which gets a sarcastic comment from Hogan, before they leave to complete their assignments.

The next scene has Schultz reading off a list of supplies to Klink, which Klink is confirming after each item is announced to him. After a while, Klink asks Schultz why they needed so much pepper, with Schultz replying that it is for the potatoes. As they continue, Klink stops and tells Schultz that 5000 Wooden plates should be the next item on the list. Schultz tells Klink he doesn't know why it isn't, and Klink tells him to find it, while he wonders how they can win the war with such a lack of efficiency. When he hears Schultz agrees, he tells him to just find the list, which Schultz does. At this point, Helga appears, announcing that a couple of officers are there to see Klink. Klink complains about being interrupted and quips that soon they'll be serving tea for visitors, but once he is told by her that they are from the Adolf Hilter Division, he tells her to bring them both in and make some tea for them too. After the two officers, Captain Milheiser and Lieutenant Durnitz, are seated comfortably inside Klink's office, he dismisses Schultz, but Milheiser tells them to carry on, as does Klink to Schultz. Schultz then goes back to looking for the slip containing the plates while Klink sits down. The officers quickly tell Klink that they are the chairmen of a project to beautify Berchtesgaden, with the final goal for the project being 1 million Marks. When Klink suggests that they see another local officer, Milheiser informs him that they have already seen him, and that he have given them 3000 marks, while Durnitz adds that he has also given them Klink's name. When Klink tries to tell them that he can't contribute at the moment because of a lack of funds, Milheiser asks Durnitz to pass to him a couple of books. Milheiser then mention to Klink that they have two books of lists, a white one and a black one. The white one contains the names of all those who have already contributed to the fund, while the black one is of those who haven't. Both lists would eventually be sent to the Führer. Of the two lists, the white one is already filled with contributions while the black one presently has no names in it, until just then, meaning Klink's name would be the first to be placed inside that book. Klink then tries to explain his situation to the two officers, who refuse to take no for an answer. As this is going on, Schultz, who is still going over the shopping list, says that he has found the wooden plates list, and says that it has listed 5000 plates. Klink asks if there are 5000 plates on the list, which the two officers thought is the amount that Klink is going to give to the fund, as he only said the number 5000. After being unable to convince the two that the amount that they have just written down is a mistake, he hears Milheiser say that they expect to receive the pledged money from him upon the first of the month. The pair then leave, with the door being held open for them by Schultz. After they leave, Schultz has to remind Klink, who is angry at him for getting him into his present situation, that it is against the military code to hit an enlisted man. Although he agrees, Klink mentions to Schultz that having him shot might be a better idea.

Meantime, London contacts the heroes, thanking them for the information that they have just sent them. The heroes begin to congratulate themselves before they are stopped by Hogan, who then informs them that London wants them to get some more information on the division. The heroes thinks that this might be a bit more difficult for them to do, since they are inside a POW camp. Hogan announces that he would go get the information himself by going to the local Hofbrau via the emergency tunnel after that night's roll call, dressed as a German officer. He then asks Newkirk what kind of German uniforms they have that he can wear for the mission. Newkirk then pulls back a curtain, revealing to him a rack which contains a number of officer uniforms which Hogan could choose from.

Later, he enters the Hofbrau, dressed up as "Major Hoople" from Stalag 13. He is soon having a conversation with the Hofbrau's owner at the bar, Hilda, who informs him that there are at the moment no empty tables since the Hofbrau is presently full. She then suggests that he share a table with a couple of officers, before she introduces him to the two officers whom have earlier met Klink. Hogan orders some beer for them, with him offering to pay from them. He is soon talking with the two officers, commenting about Klink's lack of a spine, before the trio received their beer. After making a toast to Hilda, they start drinking what Durnitz soon claims is bad tasting beer. He then gets them to unknowingly admit that their division isn't headed west when he tells them that he has earlier been assigned to a colder climate, which the two Germans assumed to be the Russian Front, since he had claimed that he didn't have any beer during that last assignment. He is then asked by Durnitz if he has any advice for them based on his experiences from his last assignment before he is stopped by Milheiser who reminds him about security, which Hopple (Hogan) agrees with. The three then make a toast to a soldier's best friend, which the two officers claimed as being the Führer before the disguised Hogan corrected them as it actually being long winter underwear. As they continue talking, Hogan is told by Milheiser about the beautification project. He quickly agrees to give the two officers 500 marks (all counterfeit) as his donation to the project. When they asked him about the newness of the bills, he claims that he have had them made, which caused him and the two Germans to laugh. A short time later, inside the now empty bar, Hogan is seen snuggling up with Hilda who informs him that she would be shutting down the Hofbrau the next day because she can't get any help to run it, thanks to the war. Hogan quickly promise her that he would get her help from the stalag, by bringing in a work detail. Hilda is soon grateful to him for the promised help, not knowing that Hogan only wants the Hofbrau kept open so that his men can get more information on the AH Division that would then be passed along to London. Once Hogan is back in camp, he asks Kinch to forward the information that he has just retrieved to London, claiming that he has strong evidence that the AH Division is planning to move to the Russian Front, and that he would get them more information to confirm it.

The next day, Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau are all working at the Hofbrau, as waiters and cook respectively, while Hogan is with them, supervising. Newkirk soon informs Hogan about what he is hearing from one of the Krauts as he talks with his girlfriend, while Carter tells him about what he saw one of the Germans wearing, some equipment worn only by ski troops. Hogan then announces to him and LeBeau, who is distressed by the Germans' food orders that he is receiving from Newkirk and Carter, that Newkirk and Carter's evidence have confirmed for him that the Division is headed for the Russian Front. Schultz then enters the building, planning to eat there. He is first seen by LeBeau and Hogan, who watches him sit down. LeBeau then goes into the kitchen, after hearing Hogan tell him that he has no idea what to do to keep Schultz from noticing them. Schultz is then seen by Newkirk. Newkirk quickly sits down next to a seated couple so that Schultz won't see him, although he is soon involved in a conversation with a slightly angry Soldier. But Schultz then sees Carter, soon asking him to bring him some cheese and beer, before he suddenly realizes whom he is speaking to. He quickly asks Carter why he is at the Hofbrau, before he notices first Newkirk and then LeBeau, which horrifies him. He then discovers Hogan there as well, weaing a German officer's uniform. Hogan speaks with Schultz, telling him that they are there to help out Hilda and her family, trying to get him to be sympathic as well and thereby not report them to Klink. When that doesn't work, he reminds Schultz that they'd left the camp while he has been on duty, and if Klink finds out, he would be sent to the Russian Front. After hearing that, he decides to let them continue to work at the Hofbrau, while going outside and asking Hogan to have the cheese and beer sent to him there so that he can honestly claim he hasn't seen them.

Later, Klink is seen in his office, once again talking to the two AH Division officers, who are there to retrieve the promised 5000 marks as it is the first of the month. Klink informs them that he has the money, but he would have to go to the bank to get it, and he can't do so at the moment because he is presently very busy. The two tell Klink to bring the money to them that night at their headquarters in Hilda's Hofbrau, after making comments to him about the possibility that Klink might try not to redeem his promised donation, which Klink denies. As they leave, Schultz enters Klink's office. Schultz is soon listening to Klink as he informs him that he doesn't have the 5000 marks for the promised donation and that his career will soon be ruined because of it. After Klink comments that he should have gone to spy school, claiming that he has been told that he has the talent for it, Schultz comments that he wished that he could help him, but sadly he didn't have the money either. Klink then informs Schultz that he will have to face facts, and that he will go meet the two AH Division officers at the Hofbrau with his head high and tell them that he simply doesn't have the money. Schultz, upon realizing that Klink is going to the Hofbrau, quickly informs Hogan about it, and Hogan asks him to stall Klink while he heads for the Hofbrau himself to get the men back to the camp before Klink's arrival. Later, Klink, as he prepares to meet the two AH Division oficers, tells Schultz that he may not come back and then suggests to Schultz that he should help the camp's new kommandant when he arrives by getting himself transferred to another command. Schultz then tries to delay Klink, and is successful for a while, but Klink still leaves for the Hofbrau. Almost as soon as Klink enters the Hofbrau, while Hogan, who's back is to Klink, is seen arguing with Hilda over him taking the prisoners back to camp, the three working prisoners (Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau) sees him enter the Hofbrau and quickly duck behind the bar so that he won't be able to see them as Klink approaches the two AH Division officers. Carter then calls Hoople (Hogan) over to the phone, and then the trio tell him from behind the bar that Klink has arrived. Upon learning that Klink is now at the Hofbrau, Hogan plans to march them back to camp before Klink would even know that they have been there.

But, when they attempt to leave, after Klink has arrived at the table where the two AH Division officers are seated, one of the officers, Milheiser, sees Hoople (Hogan) and the others and asks Hoople to join them. After telling the others to stay where they are, Hoople/Hogan walks over to join the two AH Division officers and an astonished Colonel Klink, whom the officers then informs that they know Hoople/Hogan as one of his officers and that the three are very good friends. When the two Waffen-SS officers hear Klink calls him Hogan, Hogan immediately claims that it is actually his first name before saying that his full name is Hogan Hoople. Hogan/Hoople then tells the three that he couldn't stay as he has to take a "work detail" back to camp, which a surprised Klink then sees is made up of LeBeau, Newkirk and Carter. When Klink comments that he might be coming down with a fever after all, the two Waffen-SS officers reminds Klink about the promised donation money. Klink starts to tell them that he has actually been unable to go to the bank to get the money. At that moment, Hoople/Hogan interrupts, saying that he thought that the Colonel has forgotten that he has earlier sent him to the bank for the money, and he then gives the two officers 5000 marks (once again, counterfeit marks). Milheiser counts the money, soon seeing that it is all there, before a happily relieved Klink comments that he's surprised that they would think that he would short change them. At this point, Milheiser says that he would buy them all drinks, but Hogan/Hoople refuses, telling them that he has to take the detail back to camp, claiming that someone has to run it. He then leaves the Hofbrau with the others.

Back at camp, Klink confronts Hogan inside his office, with Schultz watching, informing Hogan that he is to be confined to the barracks until further notice, and would then be arrested as a spy, because he has illegally worn a German officer's uniform, and that the other three are to be sent to the cooler for 30 days each. Klink then informs Schultz that he is going to have him court-martialed because he has allowed Hogan and his men to leave the camp. Hogan says that he thought that what Klink plans to do to them is unfair, especially since they have done what they'd did to help Klink raise the money for the donation that he had promised the two AH Division officers and that Schultz has been outside the Hofbrau while they were there to make sure they wouldn't attempt to escape once they were done. Upon hearing that, Klink told them that he would take that into consideration, before he dismisses them. Hogan and Schultz leave Klink's office, then go outside, where Hogan starts talking with Schultz. When Schultz asks him where they have gotten the money, Hogan tells him that they'd made it, i.e., it's counterfeit. Upon hearing that, Schultz says that the two officers would be put in chains if they got caught with the fake money, which is what Hogan says he is counting on. He then leaves Schultz, while heading for the barracks.

Story Notes

 * This is the sixteenth produced episode of the series, but is the thirteenth one to be shown on television.
 * In this episode, Hogan says that Kinch is a Staff Sergeant.
 * The Adolf Hitler Division (SS Liebstandarde) is an actual division.
 * An American city is mentioned: Miami.
 * Hogan's alias in this episode, "Major Hoople", is the name of the titular character of a popular old comic strip. A retired military officer running a boarding-house with his wife (who actually holds the purse-strings and does all the work), he often brags of his dubious military career, and frequently gets into trouble with his get-rich schemes.
 * This is the first episode in which Klink is forced to directly confront at least part of what Hogan and his men are doing at Stalag 13. In exchange for saving him from the tender mercies of the SS, Klink decides to look the other way. He has never been as consistently stern with Hogan and his men before this episode, with perhaps the exception of the pilot The Informer. One almost gets the impression, when watching the series as a whole, that this episode marks the turning point in Klink and Hogan's relationship. From this point on, we see Klink begin to rely on Hogan for support and advice, especially after Hochstetter shows up to hound them both.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This episode appears to take place in early February of 1944.
 * In real life, the Adolf Hitler Division (SS Liebstandarde) was removed from Russia and reassigned to France in early 1944 after very nearly being ground to pieces in the Russian winter counteroffensive of 1943. The fact that they were now re-equipped and back up to full strength would have been important information for Allied intelligence. In real life, though, as opposed to the world of the series, they did not redeploy to Russia. Instead, they were assigned to the French coast to help guard against possible Allied landings.

Quotes
As Schultz and Klink are making a grocery list:


 * Schultz: 500 wooden spoons.
 * Klink: Correct.
 * Schultz: 700 kilos potatoes.
 * Klink: Check.
 * Schultz: 100 kilos black pepper.
 * Klink: Check. Why so much black pepper?
 * Schultz: It helps with the potatoes.

Klink gives Schultz an unhappy look after hearing Schultz's comment on the potatoes.

Helga enters Klink's office:


 * Helga: Excuse me, Herr Colonel.
 * Klink: Yes, yes, yes, what is it?
 * Helga: There are two officers here to see you, sir.
 * Klink: Who are these people? Is Stalag 13 a tourist attraction for every officer who passes through town? Soon we'll be serving tea!
 * Helga: They're from the Adolf Hitler Division.
 * Klink: (standing up) Well, don't just stand there, make some tea!
 * Helga: Yes, sir.

After London tells the Heroes to get more info on the Adolf Hitler Division:


 * Carter: Those guys are kidding.
 * Kinch: How are we gonna get that stuff?
 * Hogan: Yeah, it won't be easy.
 * Newkirk: Blimey, sometimes I think they forget we're prisoners.
 * LeBeau: I don't have any trouble remembering.

After one of the two Waffen-SS officer's comment about the taste of the Hofbrau's beer:


 * Milheiser: Oh, this beer is terrible.
 * Hogan (as Major Hoople): It tastes good to me. At my last combat assignment, there was no beer at all.
 * Durnitz: Really?
 * Hogan (as Major Hoople): But that wasn't the worst of it. The real problem was the cold. You wake up in the morning, you had to defrost your toothbrush with a blowtorch.

As Hogan continues to drink with the two Waffen SS officers...


 * Hogan: (as Major Hoople): Anyway, let's drink to a soldier's best friend.
 * Milheiser: The Führer!
 * Durnitz: The Führer!
 * Hogan: The Führer? I'm talking about long winter underwear.

As Klink prepares to tells the two Adolf Hitler Division] officers that he didn't have the 5000 marks that he had promised to donate:


 * Klink: Now, there is a chance I may not come back. I may never be heard from again.
 * Schultz: Oh no, Herr Kommandant!
 * Klink: If that happens, you will have a new commanding officer. Now Schultz, help him. Give him a break.
 * Schultz: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. I am willing. What shall I do?
 * Klink: Have yourself transferred to another camp.

After finding themselves trapped behind the Hofbrau's bar:


 * Hogan: Go out the back door.
 * Carter (whispering): There is no back door.
 * LeBeau (whispering): I'll make one!

Hogan/Hoople's reply when one of the two Waffen-SS officers asks him to join them and Klink in a beer, since the last part of the statement is so ironic:


 * Hogan/Hoople: Some people can sit around drinking beer, I have a POW camp to run. Gentlemen.

Schultz asks Hogan where he got the 5000 marks:


 * Hogan: Well, that's one way to skin a kommandant.
 * Schultz: Colonel Hogan, how did you get the money?
 * Hogan: Let's just say I had it made up by native craftmen.
 * Schultz (After realizing what the money was): Counterfeit! Ach du Lieber! For this, Milheiser and Durnitz could spend the rest of the war in chains.
 * Hogan: We can only hope.

Bloopers

 * The so-called 'Major Hoople' (played by Colonel Hogan) is supposedly stationed at Luftstalag XIII, which would be under the jurisdiction of the regular Luftwaffe personnel. Yet his collar tabs and shoulder boards, while correct for a Major, are colored red - indicating that he was assigned to a Luftwaffe Flak brigade.
 * Willard Sage's character is named Durnitz, but he is referred to as Schmidt in the end credits.
 * Milheiser and Durnitz are wearing Wehrmacht insignias on their caps instead of SS skulls.
 * The money that Hogan/'Hoople' presents to Milhauser and Durnitz looks nothing like Reichmarks - no Nazi currency had a massive swastika anywhere on it like those in the episode. Either the producers had difficulties in obtaining replicas or simply decided not to go to the trouble due to cost concerns.