Diamonds in the Rough

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars
None

Guest Stars

 * Myra - Ulla Strömstedt
 * Hegel - Paul Lambert
 * Secret Policeman - Martin Blaine

Synopsis
A German officer threatens to expose Hogan unless he pays him off in diamonds.

Plot Details:

The episode opens with a woman entering Stalag 13 with a cart of milk, wanting to sell it to the prisoners. Schultz initially tries to send the woman away, but after some convincing by the Heroes and Myra (the milk seller) he agrees. Myra puts a note in Carter's cup of milk and asks him to give it to Hogan. The Heroes soon gather outside of the barracks and Hogan reads the note which says for them to meet an important contact "Robinson Crusoe" in the woods outside of camp at 10:00 pm that night. Hogan is somewhat suspicious given that Robinson Crusoe is a commando codename and London usually notifies the Heroes of commando activity. The rest of the Heroes vote to not meet the contact, but Hogan overrules them and decides to go, despite his suspicions.

That night, the Heroes minus Kinch (who will be staying behind to manage camp) set out to meet Robinson Crusoe. Hogan instructs the Heroes to follow him after a 15 minute head-start. Hogan happens upon a sleeping Schultz on his way through the woods, and cannot resist patting him on the cheek and then running. Schultz wakes up, and naturally falls back asleep.

Hogan eventually finds Myra and his suspicions prove correct when she pulls a gun on Hogan and reveals herself as a Gestapo agent. With no choice, Hogan throws his gun away and orders the rest of the Heroes to do the same when they arrive. They are all hauled off to a Gestapo post where they are met by Major Hegel, a Gestapo officer who has been running surveillance on Stalag 13 for quite some time. Though Hogan and his men refuse to talk, Hegel smugly informs them he has knowledge and evidence of every aspect of the Heroes' operation at Stalag 13. Hogan demands to know how Hegel has such information, to which the German major informs Hogan that a former inmate of Stalag 13, a prisoner by the name of Sergeant Williams was really Lieutenant Kroger, a Gestapo plant who informed Hegel of everything before being transferred to the Eastern Front where he was killed in action. Hegel then mentions that London values the Heroes' operation quite highly and so instead of sending the Heroes to Berlin for trial, he is willing to turn a blind eye in exchange for one million dollars worth of diamonds. The Heroes are naturally shocked at Hegel's demands and ask where they'd get the diamonds. Hegel quickly points out that London will provide, and sends them back to Stalag 13 with a deadline of one week to deliver.

The next day, the Heroes discuss the matter. Carter, Newkirk and LeBeau are all in favour of taking Hegel out before he can do so to them, but Hogan points out that the act would draw too much attention. Kinch soon joins them with London's answer of "are you nuts?" Hogan points out that Hegel likely has their transmission code and is monitoring their broadcast, as such he instructs Kinch to use their emergency code which Hegel doesn't know about, and to ask London for fake diamonds. Hogan tells the Heroes that they will use the fake diamonds to bait Hegel into a trap.

Hogan meets with Klink and tells him Hegel's plan, except he spins it to say that Hegel offered to break out the prisoners of Stalag 13 in exchange for diamonds. Hogan also claims that he knows Hegel will shoot them once he gets the diamonds, and he will blame the escape on Klink. Klink goes to call Gestapo headquarters and have Hegel arrested, but Hogan claims the Gestapo will cover for Hegel and have Klink silenced. Hogan claims that it would be best for Klink to have indisputable evidence of Hegel's guilt. As such, he suggests Klink arrange a work detail on the Hammelburg Road where he can be sneak in dressed as a guard and listen into a conversation between Hogan and Hegel. Klink laughs at the idea that anyone could believe him to be a private, but Hogan smugly points out that he believes it.

Later that day, Myra arrives in camp ostensibly to sell more milk to the prisoners, but really to take Hogan's message to Hegel. Kinch informs Hogan that London will airdrop the fake diamonds near camp that night, and Hogan instructs Kinch to have LeBeau and Carter retrieve them. Carter himself soon arrives and informs Hogan that Myra has been instructed to have Hegel meet Hogan on the Hammelburg Road the day after tomorrow. Carter mentions that he distrusts Myra, not for the obvious reason but because she short-changed him for his milk, to Hogan's amusement.

When the appointed day arrives and the prisoners are readying for their work detail, Schultz meets with Hogan and confirms with him rather giddily that Klink will be a private under his command for the detail. Schultz is overjoyed at the chance to boss Klink around and wastes little time in doing so by shouting at "Private Klink" to straighten his helmet, suck in his stomach and fall in line with the rest of the grunts. Klink and Hogan discuss the case a little more before Hegel arrives in his staff car and Hogan joins him (with Klink listening in) Hogan negotiates with Hegel for 48 hours more time which Hegel agrees to. The German major instructs Hogan to bring the diamonds to a barn outside of Hammelburg or he will have Hogan and his men shot. For Klink's sake, Hogan asks Hegel what he will do with the Prussian Kommandant, to which Hegel replies that he will shoot Klink too, citing that if Germany loses the war it will be because of people like Klink (to Klink's outrage).

Carter and LeBeau leave to retrieve the fake diamonds and return later than expected, getting an earful from Newkirk about their lateness. The two explain that they had to circle a whole German division to get back to camp, and LeBeau semi-seriously asks for a pay raise. Hogan unveils the fake diamonds and the Heroes are amazed at their quality. Hogan soon informs the Heroes of their new plan. They will meet with Hegel, and will be followed by Klink. Hopefully Hegel will be scared off by Klink and his bodyguards presence and flee with his "diamonds" and thus prevent Hegel from ratting the Heroes out. Kinch asks what will happen if Hegel does decide to double-cross them, to which Hogan cryptically mentions that Klink will be their insurance policy to the Heroes' confusion.

The Heroes arrive at the barn to hand over the diamonds, and Hogan instructs his men to keep away from the door before they go in. Klink meanwhile gives a rousing speech to his bodyguard which causes the cowardly Schultz to ask for a three day pass. Klink angrily orders Schultz and his men into the truck to follow Hogan with. Hegel approves of the "diamonds" just as Klink and his men show up, causing Hegel to pull a gun on the Heroes. The Gestapo major makes mention that Myra is dead and as such the Heroes are the last loose ends that need to be taken care of. Despite Hogan's persuasion attempts, Hegel announces he will order Klink to open fire on the barn and walks out the barn door to do so. Klink, seeing that Hegel has a gun in hand, and thinking Hegel is trying to attack them, orders his men to open fire on Hegel.

A few days later, Hogan falsely testifies in Klink's office to a Gestapo representative about Hegel's death. He claims that he and the Heroes were hiding in the Hammelburg barn during an escape attempt and were found by Major Hegel. He goes on to say that Klink's guards who were pursuing the Heroes opened fire on the barn, not knowing Hegel was inside and that Hegel was the only one hit in the attack. The testimony satisfies the Gestapo representative who declares Hegel to be a hero, and orders Klink to issue severe punishment to Hogan and his men. As the Gestapo leave, Klink turns to Hogan and declares him to be the biggest liar he's ever met as he leaves. Hogan mockingly mentions to Schultz that Klink really knows how to hurt someone before characteristically helps himself and Schultz to some of Klink's cigars.

Story Notes

 * This is both the thirty-fourth produced episode of the series and the thirty-fifth episode to be shown on television, and is the third episode of the Second Season.
 * In this episode, during a conversation, Carter mentions that he'd read Robinson Crusoe as a kid.
 * In this episode, we learn that Newkirk once had a "duchess" of a girlfriend who was crazy about diamonds.
 * As the prisoners are working on the road, there is a sign that indicates that (to the right) is Samburg 78km, Hamilburg 45km, Düsseldorf 25 km, and (to the left) Hofberg 10km.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * There is nothing in this episode by which the date can be determined. Given its context with other SS-related episodes, it appears to take place after The Gold Rush but prior to SS Major Hochstetter's reassignment to Hammelburg (Everybody Loves a Snowman, implied). This would put it sometime in 1943.
 * The SS has been investigating the activities of our heroes ever since the theft of the gold from Gestapo headquarters in Hammelburg in "The Gold Rush." Other significant intrusions by the SS into the operations of our heroes, prior to this episode, include Hello, Zollie and It Takes a Thief... Sometimes.
 * SPECULATION: SS Major Hegel mentions that he gained full knowledge about our heroes from an undercover agent posing as a prisoner named Williams. There is an outside chance (albeit a slim one) that this might be the Williams featured in One in Every Crowd. Given what we learn about that Williams, he would have learned the full extent of our heroes' operations - from the tunnel network and their out-camp operations all the way to their Channel extraction routes and means. He might have escaped confinement (or been aided) and returned to Germany - and Hegel - with his knowledge. Furthermore, his openly antagonistic behavior might have thrown off any suspicions, other than selfishness, that our heroes might have had about him. It would have been a particularly devious trap that was laid by Hegel, provided this were true. [Note: Hegel's agent was sent by Hegel on a suicide mission on the Eastern front where he was killed in action; with Marta murder by Hegel it would seem that Hegel has covered all his bases; however a second Nazi SS officer [Hegel superior[?] Gruppenfuhrer Fritag also knows of the fact Colonel Hogans espionage actions "Two Nazis for the Price of One" as Fritag is Major Hochsetters superior it is probable he is Hegel superior as well.