Heil Klink

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * Fraulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis
 * Major Wolfgang Hochstetter - Howard Caine

Guest Stars

 * Tiger - Arlene Martel
 * Wolfgang Brauner - John Banner

Synopsis
Hogan tells Klink that the defecting Gestapo officer he is hiding who looks like Schultz is really Hitler in disguise.

Plot Details
Underground agent Tiger and a heavyset German are inside a house, and visited through a secret entrance by Hogan. After being introduced to the German, Wolfgang Brauner, a defecting financial advisor of Adolf Hitler who claims to "know all the financial secrets of the third Reich." The American colonel points out that the Gestapo are waiting outside for Brauner. The heavyset German denies that he is being followed, but Hogan quips that he has been followed ever since he left Berlin. Brauner tries to pin the blame on Hogan and the Allies for their attempts to have him defect, but is cut off by Hogan who points out that Brauner was instructed when and how he was to do so and also berates him for panicking. Now that he is being followed, he cannot go to Stalag 13 to prepare for his escape to England lest the Gestapo follow him, discover the Heroes operations and pick up every Underground agent along the way. Brauner once again denies his guilt, pointing out that since the Gestapo were onto him, he had no choice but to flee. He soon longs for the security he had under the Nazis where he received a medal from Hitler, and was known by the Allies as "the evil genius behind the Nazi money empire." At Hitler's mention, an idea springs into Hogan's mind. He quickly instructs Tiger to come with him through the secret entrance and also instructs Brauner to wait two hours before driving to Stalag 13 where he must put his scarf over his face upon entry as he will be entering camp in disguise. Brauner asks who he is being disguised as, but Hogan corrects him: Hitler is entering camp disguised as him.

Later at camp, Hogan feeds Klink the idea that rumours are circulating that Hitler is soon to be killed. Klink refuses to believe the rumours and declares he is completely loyal, but does consider the matter when asked whom he will be loyal to if Hitler is indeed killed. He soon however returns to his belief that Hitler is in no danger before dismissing Hogan just as the telephone rings. It is a call from General Fenstermacher, Head of the General Staff (otherwise known as Newkirk). Newkirk explains that Hitler's life is indeed in danger and conspirators will make an attempt on his life within the next twenty-four hours. "Hitler" trusts no one other than Klink with his safety and thus will be coming to Stalag 13 in disguise. Despite Klink's feeble attempts to worm his way out, "Fenstermacher" orders Klink to shut up and instructs him that a staff car bearing one man in disguise will enter Stalag 13 that afternoon and be housed in Klink's quarters, he is not to be approached. In order to prove the call is genuine, at least in Klink's mind, Newkirk hands the phone to Carter, who under the guise of Hitler, declares complete trust for Klink, before reiterating that no one is to go near him while he is in camp. Klink explains the situation to Hogan, who advises Klink to have Burkhalter to send a battallion of troops for Hitler's defense in case the conspirators follow Hitler to Stalag 13. Klink agrees, but Hogan also advises him to claim he needs the battallion to quell a prison riot, as Burkhalter "cannot be trusted either." Klink begins to stress over his own safety, fearing the conspirators may have him killed as well, to which Hogan points out that an election would be an easier way to determine the nation's leader, which Klink agrees with.

Later that afternoon, Hogan meets with Schultz outside Klink's quarters despite being confined to the barracks. Hogan asks why these measures have been put in place, but Schultz insists he will not question orders, and so asks what Hogan thinks it means. Hogan begins a guessing game with Schultz about the identity of Stalag 13's incoming guest, just as Brauner arrives in his staff car. Hogan subtly directs Brauner into Klink's quarters while Schultz' back is turned just before Klink joins them. After receiving an earful for being out of the barracks, the conversation soon turns to "Hitler." Hogan talks up the occasion as being Klink's chance to be promoted to general, at least, before reminding Klink that he must keep Hitler in a good mood, especially since he is a picky eater. Since his orders are that no one is to see him, Klink decides to speak with his guest through the door. Brauner, who is warming himself up near Klink's stove, panics when the Kommandant tries to speak with him, but is hushed by the Heroes who appear via the stove entrance. Carter quickly takes charge in his Hitler guise by declaring his lack of concern over his meals provided they are the finest. He also insists that he be sent a food taster, in case the conspirators try to poison the food. Klink suggests Schultz, but Carter instead orders Hogan to be sent instead, ostensibly so the prisoners will not also try to poison the food as well. Klink asks Hogan to put in a good word for him, and the opportunistic Hogan insists that "Hitler" should be served pheasant under glass for dinner, pointing out it would help Klink's chances of promotion. Hogan joins Carter and the others as Klink and Schultz leave and instructs Newkirk and Kinch to escort Brauner into the tunnels to begin work on changing his appearance as it is the only way he'll be able to escape. He also instructs Carter to remain behind and not let anyone enter but him, as Hogan is expecting the Gestapo any minute.

Hogan's expectations are correct as Gestapo Major Hochstetter has entered Klink's office and is already interrogating Klink quite menacingly. Hochstetter soon informs Klink that he will be arrested, despite Klink's feeble attempts to toady to the Gestapo major. They are soon interrupted by Hogan who assures Klink that his guest is indeed Hitler, and spins the tale to suggest Hochstetter is trying to kill Hitler, therefore Klink should arrest Hochstetter. Klink seemingly agrees with Hogan's plan, however when the time comes, Klink is too cowardly to do it himself, forcing Hogan to announce Hochstetter's arrest, but even that is not enough to get the cowardly Klink to do the deed.

Some time later as Hogan returns to his office, he immediately notices that Brauner's appearance is exactly the same. The heavyset German is giving the Heroes plenty of reason to simply hand him in, he couldn't be worked on the night before as they couldn't wake him up, he won't stay in the tunnels for fear of cave-ins and worst of all, he refuses to have his beard shaved. Hogan soon convinces Brauner to allow the Heroes to work on him just as Carter appears. He and Kinch have been working tirelessly in the communications room to intercept all of the Gestapo's phone calls to Klink, though he warns that they won't be able to hold them off forever. Tiger soon appears thereafter, she is convinced that their escape plain cannot work as Klink will soon bow to the Gestapo pressure and they still haven't found a suitable disguise for Brauner. They are soon interrupted by Schultz who is there to take Hogan to test "Hitler's" breakfast. It isn't long before he notices the presence of Brauner and Tiger. Hogan soon realises that aside from a few small differences, Brauner and Schultz are almost identical in appearance and build and asks Schultz for a spare uniform. After Schultz demands to know what Hogan is doing, the American colonel points out that he could be shot if he finds out, prompting Schultz to leave, declaring that "I know nothing."

Hochstetter meanwhile is again speaking with Klink, who claims he has received no orders from Berlin to hand over his guest. The Gestapo major accuses Klink of being a traitor and a liar which causes Klink to decide to bow to Hochstetter's wishes. They are interrupted however by Hogan who points out that "he" wants to see him.

As it turns out "Hitler" (Carter, who is playing checkers with Newkirk) has decided to give Klink a promotion to Berlin, which Klink is honoured to receive. He goes on to say that as he cannot trust the members of his inner circle (Himmler will likely betray him, Goebbels' eyes being too close together and Goering being too fat) he has decided to appoint as a successor "the one man I can trust. You Klink!" Klink almost faints upon hearing the news before declaring that he will be worthy of the post, thereafter rounding on Hochstetter and arresting him properly. Hogan enters Klink's quarters and praises Carter for his impression before instructing Newkirk to have Brauner brought up and also to have Tiger put on a driver's uniform and bring the staff car over.

A call from Berlin has finally made its way to Klink and it is none other than Heinrich Himmler. Klink, believing it is regarding his "promotion" to succeed Hitler, greets Himmler casually and receives an earful because of it. After addressing Himmler more appropriately, Klink tries to explain himself, only to learn that Hitler is in Berchtesgaden. The conversation soon turns to Major Hochstetter, and Klink tries to explain that he had Hochstetter arrested as a joke, but is quickly ordered to release him.

Klink tries to worm his way back into Hochstetter's good books, but Hochstetter brushes aside Klink's feeble attempts and bursts into Klink's quarters to find only Hogan, and seemingly Schultz. Klink asks what Schultz is doing there, only to be asked who he is in turn. Hogan quickly claims that "Schultz" found the door open and the room empty. Klink, at Hogan's suggestion orders "Schultz" to take a staff car and look for Brauner, before Hochstetter confidently declares that Brauner cannot escape. As the real Schultz approaches the barracks, he watches as Brauner, dressed as him walks past to enter the staff car. The shocked sergeant is unable to investigate however as Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau claim that there is an unarmed prisoner riot on the east side of camp which he needs to deal with. Schultz gets to it, but asks if the Heroes would believe that he just saw himself, the three all respond negatively.

A little later, Schultz reports to Klink that the riot has been dealt with, prompting Klink and Hochstetter to round on him. Hogan quickly takes control of the situation by suggesting that the "master of disguise" Brauner took the appearance of Schultz and has already escaped camp. Schultz muses that "I DID see myself" before declaring "I saw nothing..." Hochstetter threatens to have Klink executed for his role in Brauner's escape but Hogan points out that Hochstetter would likely be executed too for failure. Realising his predicament, Hochstetter agrees to let the matter drop and claim that Brauner was shot while trying to escape. Schultz asks about the riot in camp before being told to shut up by both German officers.

Sometime later, Klink is questioning Hogan. He finds it hard to believe that Brauner was able to convince Hogan into believing he was Hitler, but is assured by Hogan that he was convinced. Klink muses that "Hitler's" voice was so real, he could see himself as succeeding Hitler. Hogan remarks that Klink would have made a great Fuhrer, causing Klink to mime receiving salutes from a crowd.

Story Notes

 * This is the fifty-fifth episode produced in the series, but is the fifty-fourth episode to be shown on television and is the twenty-second episode for the second season.
 * The episode title is a pun on "Heil Hitler," the mandatory Nazi greeting.
 * This is Tiger's third appearance (and fourth episode) in the series.
 * This episode is the first appearance of Howard Caine's recurring character Major Wolfgang Hochstetter.
 * This is the first episode in which one of the regulars play two people in an episode. This time, its John Banner playing both Sergeant Schultz and a hiding German officer, Wolfgang Brauner.

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * A date fairly early in 1944 is most likely, given cross-references and implications from several different related episodes. This is Tiger's third appearance (Hold That Tiger, A Tiger Hunt in Paris). Several months have passed since A Tiger Hunt in Paris, judging from the length of her hair. Hogan calls upon Carter to do his Hitler impersonation, which he first put to use for the sake of our heroes in Will the Real Adolf Please Stand Up?
 * Judging from Hochstetter's behavior and dialogue in this episode, it appears that he has not yet been reassigned to the Gestapo office in Hammelburg. He is instead operating out of Berlin, answering directly to SS Reichsführer Himmler. If the scant clues in this episode are any indication, Hochstetter may have been part of a special SS investigation unit. He is also wearing the collar insignia of a full colonel (see Bloopers). This will change once he is reassigned to Hammelburg.
 * Newkirk makes a casual reference to his ability to mimic the voice of British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, to which Colonel Hogan replies "...and someday, we'll need it desperately". This is odd, because according to the series timeline, Newkirk used his Churchill voice almost an entire year previous to this episode, in The General Swap, which is set in early 1943. The manner of Newkirk's revelation, and Hogan's response to it, make it clear that it hadn't been done before.

Quotes

 * (After failing to arrest Hochstetter)


 * Hogan: Why didn't you arrest him?
 * Klink: (feebly) He seemed like such a nice fellow...

Bloopers

 * Much has been made by fans of the uniform snafus associated with SS Major Hochstetter. They begin with this episode and continue for the rest of the series. In this appearance, and in all subsequent ones up to and including Everybody Loves a Snowman, Hochstetter is wearing the collar insignia of a colonel (Standartenführer), but the shoulder board of a major (Sturmbannführer). The simplest explanation for this is most likely the correct one (Occam's Razor). The last time actor Howard Caine appeared on Hogan's Heroes as an SS officer was in the role of Colonel Feldkamp (The Battle of Stalag 13). As the uniform was already sized for Caine, the production crew most likely recycled Feldkamp's uniform for Hochstetter and hoped nobody would notice the goof. Changing out the shoulder board would have been easy enough, but resewing correct collar insignia apparently proved to be a problem for whatever reason. In fact, Hochstetter has three distinct outfits during the series, of which this - his "Berlin uniform" - is the first one. The other two are noted as his Gestapo uniform (plainclothes) and his "Hammelburg uniform" (altered rank insignia).
 * Hochstetter is not the only SS officer with a rank that belies the insignia on his uniform. The SS rank issue would prove to be a troublesome one for the series, with both our heroes and actual SS men being called one rank while wearing another in many episodes. Again, a simple explanation presents itself. There were probably only a limited number of the distinctive, pre-war black SS uniforms available for filming. Getting the ranks right would have meant multiple costume alterations almost every other episode. Hochstetter's eventually got altered, even though it was still wrong (To the Gestapo with Love), but not so other characters.
 * Hogan's suggestion that "Hitler" be served pheasant for dinner is quite ludicrous as by many contemporary accounts, Hitler became a strict vegetarian, something that was common knowledge amongst the German people by 1938, courtesy of the German propaganda machine. Though an obvious attempt to gain a good meal, Klink might have seen through the lie if he wasn't trying to impress "Hitler."