Nights in Shining Armor

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin
 * Fräulein Hilda - Sigrid Valdis

Guest Stars

 * Lt. Maurice DuBois - Felice Orlandi
 * Captain Franz - Chris Anders

Synopsis
Hogan schemes to get a French courier and some Allied bulletproof vests out of Germany.

Plot Details
It is night time at Stalag 13, and LeBeau, using the bunk-bed tunnel entrance, wakes Hogan in his office and tells him that they have received a message from London. After receiving the coded message from Kinch, Hogan quickly works out that the message means a courier plane has missed its regular drop point and the Heroes are needed to collect its valuable cargo, or "sugar candy," as per the code. LeBeau jokingly wishes that the cargo will be women, but Kinch thinks it more likely to be heavy equipment, and Hogan merely replies that after two years of imprisonment, who cares what the women will look like.

Hogan, LeBeau and Newkirk sneak out of camp and arrive at the drop site in time to signal the plane, which drops a large crate. The Heroes open it to find twelve bulletproof vests. Seeing as they don't have the means or time to bring them all to camp, Hogan decides to bury the crate, but has LeBeau put one on to bring back to camp. LeBeau almost collapses from the weight of the vest, prompting Hogan to muse that it's "the first time I've seen a vest wearing a man."

The next day, a French officer appears at the gates of Stalag 13. Klink soon arrives thereafter and the officer introduces himself as Lieutenant Maurice DuBois, and that he has come to surrender. Klink mockingly declares that DuBois has surrendered "a little late," and Schultz is bewildered as to why anyone would surrender in the first place. DuBois is brought into the camp for questioning, but on his way to Klink's office, he and LeBeau have a conversation in French. After DuBois is dragged away, LeBeau reveals to the rest of the Heroes that DuBois is there to pick up the dropped vests. Hogan, for security's sake has Kinch call London to verify DuBois, before going to Klink's office to oversee DuBois' interrogation. DuBois states that he was shot down two days before France surrendered, and had been in hiding since. Klink asks why DuBois has given himself up now, and the French officer declares that he is tired of running. Klink is satisfied with DuBois' story and informs him that he will be held at Stalag 13 until the Gestapo decide what to do with him. DuBois is placed in the cooler for security purposes.

Later that night as the Heroes are playing cards, Kinch gives Hogan the reply from London. DuBois is indeed legitimate, having served two years in the French resistance and the Heroes are ordered to give him all the assistance he needs. Hogan instructs Carter to steal Klink's report to the Gestapo when he cleans his office the next day, and has Kinch type a pass for the cooler, to be signed by Klink, aka Newkirk. Newkirk decries the fact that he is always selected whenever anything remotely criminal must be done, and Hogan takes Newkirk's arm and withdraws two aces that Newkirk has been hiding to prove his point.

The next day, Carter, under the guise of helping Hilda with her paperwork, is able to steal the Gestapo report as planned. Hogan meanwhile speaks with DuBois in the cooler. DuBois reveals that the bulletproof vests were meant to be dropped near Brussels, but due to increased German patrols, the drop could not be made. Since the cargo had to be delivered, the Heroes were chosen to be given the vests. The vests are to be used in an attack on a Gestapo base to prevent executions of several resistance members. DuBois further tells that he gave himself up because he had no other way to find out if the Heroes had managed to retrieve the vests. The question is brought up as to how to get the vests into France, by both men, each having no ideas on what to do.

Some time after, in the barracks, Carter delivers the Gestapo report to Hogan, and the problem of how to move the vests, and free DuBois from the cooler is brought up. Hogan gets an idea from Kinch, who was fixing the barracks sink at the time. Since there is no plumber at Stalag 13, (their last having been transferred) Hogan "informs" the Heroes that DuBois is a plumber, something he himself does not know.

Later, Newkirk and LeBeau distract Schultz, while Kinch sneaks into Klink's quarters and adjusts the pressure of his sink, causing Klink's face to be soaked by a jet of water when he tries to brush his teeth. Klink is bewildered that the "most efficiently run" P.O.W camp in Germany has no plumber. When Klink asks what happened to Corporal Schneider, their last plumber, Schultz informs Klink that he was sent to the Russian front. Klink incredulously asks which "idiot" sent Schneider to the Russian front, before realising that he was the one who had Schneider transferred. They are interrupted by Hogan, and Klink asks him if any of his men are plumbers. Hogan claims that the only plumber among the prisoners is DuBois. Klink agrees to release him only for enough time to fix his faucet. DuBois is brought to Klink's quarters and both he and Kinch, under the guise of holding tools for DuBois, go under Klink's quarters to "fix" the plumbing. Kinch tells DuBois what to say to Klink, and the two bang the pipes with the tools to give the impression that they are working. After the "inspection" DuBois claims that the pressure valve is broken and must be fixed. Klink agrees to allow DuBois to use Corporal Schneider's workshop to do the repair job.

The Heroes enter the workshop later in the day, each of them wearing a vest under their jackets. Carter is chosen by Hogan to keep his vest on and stand against the wall. LeBeau calls Schultz into the workshop and Hogan borrows the sergeant's gun and aims it at Carter's chest. Carter, although knowing that it is all an act, muses that he did not volunteer for his part, and Schultz takes his gun back, wondering why Hogan would shoot his own man. LeBeau tells Schultz that Carter is wearing a bulletproof vest and is safe, but Schultz goes to Klink with the information anyway. Hogan demonstrates to Klink the effectiveness of the vest by shooting at a Carter-less one and credits DuBois with the design. Klink is outraged however that no work has been done on his faucet. DuBois asks to speak with Klink alone, and Hogan goes through the act of calling DuBois a sell out before he and the Heroes are escorted out of the workshop. Klink's interest caught, DuBois offers to give him the design for the vests, which he claims only he knows, and that his design is superior to any vest available. The Frenchman asks for his freedom in return and points out presenting the vest as his own invention would bolster Klink's career. Klink insists that he will "see what can be done," and immediately leaves to call General Burkhalter, presenting the vest as his own invention as suggested. Burkhalter informs Klink that he will visit Stalag 13 for a demonstration.

Once again, the effectiveness of the vest is tested. Burkhalter, knowing full well that Klink did not invent the vest, agrees to DuBois' deal and informs the present company (Hogan included) that another demonstration will be given before Adolf Hitler himself. Klink offers to do the demonstration himself, but Burkhalter declines his offer and openly reveals his intent to present the vest as his own invention, much to Klink's dismay.

The vests are loaded into a car, driven by DuBois who is accompanied by Burkhalter's aide. At a checkpoint, the car is stopped by Carter, wearing a German uniform. The Heroes who were waiting for the car, appear and overpower Burkhalter's aide, and force him to hand his uniform over to DuBois, along with Burkhalter's written orders. DuBois gives a grateful farewell to the Heroes before starting on his way to France.

The next day, Hogan is brought to Klink's quarters, where the Prussian colonel informs Hogan that the car, the vests, DuBois and Burkhalter's aide have all gone missing. Hogan claims that it is merely Burkhalter's way of keeping Klink out of receiving credit. Klink still thinks that DuBois is a shady character, and the point of Klink's faucet is brought up, which Klink hasn't tested. The cowardly colonel orders Schultz to check the faucet, which works as it should, and so Klink checks it himself, and is rewarded with a splash of water to the face. Schultz wonders what they should do about it, and Hogan merely suggests that Klink not pay DuBois' bill.

Story Notes

 * This is the seventy-first produced episode of the series, but is the seventieth episode to be shown on television and is the eighth episode shown for the Third Season.
 * Larry Hovis' hand is gloved throughout the episode, once again covering his wedding ring.
 * An historical event is mention in the episode: The Johnstown Flood
 * The USO is mentioned in the episode.
 * The bulletproof vests seen in this episode are Vietnam-era American ones, not German.
 * Corporal Schneider was Stalag 13's plumber until Klink transferred him to the Russian Front.
 * LeBeau and DuBois converse in French; another time Lebeau spoke French is in Bad day in Berlin

Timeline Notes and Speculations

 * This appears to take place almost immediately after How to Win Friends and Influence Nazis.
 * Lieutenant DuBois' recon plane was shot down two days before France's surrender to Germany (June 22, 1940).

Quotes
After Klink asks DuBois, in the cooler, to fix his faucet:


 * DuBois: Bring it to me and I'll see what I can do.
 * Klink (flatly): I'd have to bring you the whole building...

Bloopers

 * London says that DuBois has been fighting with the French resistance for the past two years. If this is true, then the episode would take place in early summer of 1942 - before the start of the series!
 * During the scee where Carter and LeBeau are distracting Schultz by throwing and picking up garbage, palm trees can be seen in the background.
 * Not technically a blooper, but worth noting: the scene where Hogan, LeBeau and Newkirk go out for the plane drop - to get the vests - was recycled later in Season Three in the episode Is There A Doctor In The House?, where they were retrieving some penicillin for Col. Klink.