Information Please

Prisoners

 * Colonel Hogan - Bob Crane
 * Corporal Louis LeBeau - Robert Clary
 * Corporal Peter Newkirk - Richard Dawson
 * Sergeant James Kinchloe - Ivan Dixon
 * Sergeant Andrew Carter - Larry Hovis

Camp Personnel

 * Kommandant Wilhelm Klink - Werner Klemperer
 * Sergeant Hans Schultz - John Banner

Semi-Regulars

 * General Albert Burkhalter - Leon Askin

Guest Stars

 * Major Kohler - John Stephenson
 * Lt. James Crandall/Schmidt - Sam Melville
 * R.A.F. Captain - Don Knight

Synopsis
After detecting an information leak in the area of Stalag 13, the Germans replace Klink with a more efficient officer, who Hogan sets up to take the fall.

Plot Details
As the episode opens, Schultz stumbles out of Klink's office, his arms full of briefcases. Kinch, Carter, and LeBeau watch in amazement as Schultz stumbles towards Klink's staff car, the German colonel close behind and berating him all the way. They're curious, and understandably so - up until now, Klink has never taken a furlough or leave of absence of any kind. They continue watching as Klink gets in the car, then is driven out of camp.

A short time later, down in the tunnels, we see a recently rescued RAF captain (equivalent to lieutenant in U.S. rank, as Hogan addresses him). He is passing the time by playing darts with a picture of Adolf Hitler, eager to be sent home as soon as possible. Hogan and Newkirk try to explain to the Englishman that they have to wait for the right moment to sneak him out of camp, when suddenly the other Unsung Heroes join them, bringing news of Klink's sudden departure. The news piques Hogan's curiosity. Their guest sees this as a golden opportunity for him to leave, but Hogan politely brushes him off. Something's up, and he's not sure what.

As it turns out, Klink is paying visit to General Burkhalter at his office in the local Wehrmacht regional headquarters. With them in the room is Burkhalter's aide, Major Kohler. Kohler has been working for Burkhalter in trying to pin down the source from where sensitive German military intelligence has been leaking to the Allies in recent months. Burkhalter informs Klink that the leak is "in this area." Klink is shocked. "Here? In the heart of Germany?" he exclaims. "Don't contradict me," Burkhalter admonishes him, and tells Kohler to continue the briefing. Kohler tells Klink that they have a deep-cover mole in Allied Headquarters in London, who has reported "that there is a flow of information coming from this point," he says, pointing to a nearby wall map. Klink is again shocked. Kohler is pointing directly at Stalag 13. Burkhalter does not suspect Klink - he deems him too vain and stupid to be a spy - but he nevertheless has come up with a plan to deal with the problem. The idea is to plant false military information at Stalag 13 that is so tempting that the spy, whoever it might be, cannot pass it up. If London acts on it, then they'll know that the spy is at Stalag 13. Klink's job is to convincingly feed the false intel to both his staff and his prisoners. "No one must suspect that it is fraudlent," Burkhalter admonishes him, then sighs silently and adds, "Do you think you can do it properly?" Klink assumes his most Prussian manner "Of course, Herr General!" he boasts. Burkhalter gives him a disapproving look. "I doubt it," he snaps.

The next day during prisoner roll call, Klink passes on the news of the day. Because of the labor shortage in Germany due to the war, he has been authorized to accept volunteer laborers from the prisoners and to pay them for their work. They will be given jobs in nearby Hammelburg at civilian wages. The prisoners are outraged, and Hogan speaks for all when asking, "Are you offering my men work in a war plant? That's against the Geneva Prisoner-of-War Convention." Klink remains firm. "I have made my offer," he says grimly. "That is all I can do. Dismissed!" As the roll call breaks up, the prisoners mill around Hogan while Schultz shuffles away towards the barracks. Hogan is smiling. "Klink doesn't know it," he says to them, "but he's just given us some valuable information. A German war plant is always a good target - once you know where it is." LeBeau guesses Hogan's next move correctly. "It begins with an S and ends with a Z, right?" Hogan nods, then asks his men to get whatever candy and leftover goodies they have from their Red Cross packages for a bribe. As they leave for the barracks, Hogan ambles over to Schultz. The German sergeant has been standing by one corner of the barracks, watching them, but begins to walk away as soon as Hogan ambles up. "I know nothing!" he protests, but Hogan persists. He claims, "The guys are reconsidering Klink's offer about working in town. I'd like to know where the factory is located and what they're making, that's all." Schultz immediately clams up, but at that moment Newkirk turns the corner of the building, his garrison cap full of munchies. Hogan begins to inventory them in front of Schultz, who immediately begins salivating. Hogan pulls one item out in particular, waving it in front of Schultz's nose. "Hey," he exclaims, then says slowly, "Licorice!" Schultz finally caves in, asking for "a loan from your bank" - meaning the candy stash. Hogan continues holding up the licorice. "What kind of security are you going to put up?" he asks. Schultz quickly tells him that there is an old shoe factory on the outskirts of Hammelburg that had been converted to a rocket assembly plant. Hogan lets him take all the candy he wants, musing, "Interesting, if true ...." Shortly thereafter, Hogan is radioing the news back to London - and that night, a flight of American B-17s bombs Hammelburg.

The next day, Burkhalter and Kohler pay Klink a visit at Stalag 13. "The leak must have occured right here in this camp," Burkhalter says evenly. Klink is still not convinced. Kohler relays the contents of Hogan's radio call to London, although his contact does not know who sent it. "Fortunately," Burkhalter adds, "the attack was against an abandoned factory." At the same time, listening in on the coffee pot but, Hogan shakes his head. "I knew it," he mutters angrily. "The whole thing was too easy, and I fell for it!" LeBeau tries to console him, even as Burkhalter posits the idea that Klink might be the spy. Klink protests vehemently. Burkhalter suddenly stands, and announces that Klink is relieved of his command. Major Kohler will be taking over operations of Stalag 13, effective immediately. As for Klink, his apparent inefficiency has landed him a one-way ticket to the Russian Front. Klink will be staying on only long enough to acquaint Major Kohler with his new duties. "Understood?!?" Burkhalter snarls at him. Klink tries one more time to protest. "I assure you, Herr General--" he begins, but Burkhalter cuts him off. "Assure me of nothing! I have a headache this big," he says, holding his hands wide, "and it has your name on it!" The angry general asks Kohler to step outside with him to discuss certain other matters. Klink tries to go with them, but is brushed aside by Burkhalter.

Meanwhile, in Hogan's office, the Unsung Heroes ponder their predicament - and that of Klink's, too. Hogan, acting on Kinch's suggestion, decides to call London about the spy in their midst, and also to inform them that his operation at Stalag 13 may have to shut down for a while as a precaution. There's also the matter of their guest down below, the RAF flyer eager to get home, but they can't do anything about him now given the current situation.

After the two officers leave Klink's office, and are alone by Burkhalter's staff car, the general confides in Kohler. "Tomorrow, an American officer will be brought here as a prisoner. His name is Lt. James Crandall. His real name is Schmidt." Crandall is a mole, a German agent whose mission is to find out just who at Stalag 13 is leaking German secrets to the enemy. "He's one of the best," Burkhalter says to Kohler, "personally recommended by Himmler." Kohler's main job will be to treat Crandall just like a prisoner, and to assist him in any way once the spy or spies are found. Klink is to be kept in the dark. Kohler asks if Burkhalter suspects Klink of disloyalty. "Disloyalty, no," Burkhalter responds. "Stupidity, yes!"

The next day, as planned, Crandall arrives at Stalag 13. Hogan and his men put him through the wringer - "the routine check," as Newkirk puts it - as they do with all newly arrived prisoners, but he seems to check out. His papers look good, his uniform is genuine, his story checks out - in fact, Crandall appears to be clean. Still, Hogan is unsure of him. "There are questions about the situation here at Grand Hotel," he says, referring to what just happened the day before. When the others question him, Hogan points out that Crandall is not doing the one thing that a newly captured Allied airman would tend to do - ask about escape, or at the least fight his captors. Instead, he doe not seem to have resisted the Germans in any way. "There's one more little test," Hogan says, "and we'll work it tonight."

That night, in Barracks 3, all of the occupants save Crandall are pretending to be asleep. LeBeau, with Carter's help, piles some old blankets by his bunk and sets them on fire. "Lieutenant, wake up!" Hogan yells. Crandall's eyes pop open, and he immediately smells smoke. Just off to one side, Kinch barks at him with all the sternness of a drill sergeant. "Schnell! Zum Fenster, raus!" (Hurry! To the window, get out!) As the others in Barracks 3 mill madly about in apparent confusion, Crandall immediately races to the nearest window. Hogan and Kinch look at each other and nod. The man is definitely a plant.

The next day, Hogan and his men are ready to deal with Crandall. They discuss it while, under guard, they repair the camp's inner perimeter fence. Hogan's plan is "to use Crandall for a double play," taking out both him and Kohler in the process. By discrediting Kohler, they will also discredit his assertions that Stalag 13 is the source of the German intel leaks. Hogan picks Carter to run the pick, as his natural akwardness will make him the least suspicious to Crandall. A few seconds later Crandall walks up, complaining about being harassed by the guards. Hogan tells Crandall that Kohler, "that new major who took over," is worse than Klink, and his men heartily agree. Hogan and his men then casually mention the bombing raid on Hammelburg and how it might have stirred up the Germans. "Yeah, but is that why Major Kohler tipped us off--?" Carter begins to say, but LeBeau and Hogan hush him at once. "Keep your big trap shut!" Hogan barks. "Is that something I wasn't supposed to hear," says Crandall, trying to act nonchalant. "You're new here," Hogan says, "and we can't take chances." Crandall nods. "Yeah, the Krauts would love to get a plant in here," he says. "They don't trust us at all!" Carter complains, at which point everybody stares at him. Then, Hogan lowers his voice and appears to confide in Crandall. He tells him that Kohler is an Allied agent, and that they didn't know it themselves "until recently," when they told him about the supposed secret war plant. Crandall seems excited as they at the prospect of a turncoat among the Germans. "Yeah, there's aways one in every bunch," Hogan says, looking straight at him.

At this point they are interrupted by Schultz and Klink, who have come to inspect Newkirk's work on the perimeter fence. Klink immediately forces open a large hole that has been cut in the fence, right where Newkirk was working. "Colonel Hogan, did you really think you could fool me?" he says, then orders the hole fixed at once. Crandall takes the opportunity to quietly slip away, even as Newkirk begins repairing the hole. As Klink leaves, and Schultz berates his guards, Hogan turns to Newkirk. "Does it work?" he asks, looking at the fence. Newkirk reaches to the base of the fence, pulls up the whole section about three feet (via a hidden gate), then lowers it quickly back into place. "Like a charm," he says, gently patting the wire. As he reaches for his jacket, Schultz marches over and tests the wire in the "hole" that Newkirk has just repaired. He pulls the wires every direction but straight up. Every wire remains firmly in place. "Klink was right," Hogan says from beside him. "You've got to keep an eye on us every minute."

That night, after he is sure everyone is asleep, Crandall slips out of his bunk in Barracks 3. He is still dressed, and makes a beeline for the camp commandant's office. He is not the only one awake, however. The Unsung Heroes have been watching him. Hogan is also still awake and dressed, hiding in his office until Crandall's departure. "What do we have in our vast storehouse of treasures that would incriminate a German major?" he asks his men. After several suggestions, he makes one of his own. Kinch is to radio London, and ask them to drop the name "Kohler" in such a way that the German spy at Allied HQ will hear it. "Say that Kohler's the informer," he adds with a smile. LeBeau follows Hogan's logic. "And he [the spy] will send the name back to Burkhalter, right?" Hogan grins at him. "You now have five silver dollars," he says. "Would you like to try for ten?"

To no one's surprise save Major Kohler, General Burkhalter shows up at Stalag 13 the next day. The Unsung Heroes watch triumphantly from the door of Barracks 3. Hogan turns and smiles to his men. "The next sound you hear," he says, "will be the sound of Major Kohler saying, 'I've been framed!'" ... and that is exactly what happens. Kohler protests as vehemently as did Klink days before, but to no avail. Burkhalter points out that Kohler is in a perfect position to leak top secret intelligence to the Allies, and that the business started not long after both he and Burkhalter were reassigned to the area. Present also is Crandall - or rather undercover operative Schmitt, who adds the bogus evidence he has gathered from the Unsung Heroes as fuel to the fire. Kohler continues to protest vigorously, asking why he would pass on false information. Burkhalter claims he did so to divert the investigation, and thus place the blame on the hapless Klink. A delighted Klink nods and comments from the sidelines, eventually getting so giddy at the prospect of no longer being under suspicion that Burkhalter has to order him to shut up. Again Kohler protests, pointing out there is no proof. Burkhalter responds tartly, "Less than an hour ago, our contact overheard two British officers in London using your name." The shocked Kohler is almost beyond words. "T-th-that's impossible!" he exclaims. "You can't condemn me just like that! I demand a fair trial!" Burkhalter regards him icily. "In Germany?" he asks. The angry general then places Kohler under arrest, to be turned over to the Gestapo as a traitor as soon as possible. Schmitt, aka "Crandall," is to return to Barracks 3 to complete his mission, rooting out any contacts Kohler may have had among the prisoners.

Later that night, Hogan makes an announcement. He and his men are going to help Crandall escape to England. Crandall tries to protest, but Hogan is insistent. When Crandall continues to refuse, Hogan pulls a gun on him. "What did you say, Fritz?" he says, then calls for the RAF officer. Their guest is to escort "Crandall" back to England as his prisoner. "Crandall" desperately tries to escape, this time for real, but to no avail. Hogan sends him on his way with the RAF officer, advising him to be careful. "He speaks German like an native - which he is." The RAF officer grins. "I believe I have a solution," he says, putting his gun to the back of "Crandall's" head. Hogan nods in approval. "Good show, old chap," he says.

The next day, Klink calls Burkhalter to inform him that "Crandall" appears to have escaped. Burkhalter orders him to ignore it. "Crandall" has just completed his assignment, so in fact there has been no escape, per Burkhalter. A delighted Klink finishes his call just as Hogan barges into his office to announce "Crandall's" escape. Klink blows him off. "There's something funny going on around here," Hogan complains, but Klink tartly dismisses him. Hogan then stops at the door. "Nobody tells me anything around here," he says. Klink smirks at him. "And that's the way it should be," he says. Hogan puts on a sad face. "I know ... but it makes a man feel unloved," he says, before he pulls the door shut behind him.

Story Notes

 * This is the thirty-seventh episode produced in the series, but is the forty-seventh episode to be shown on television and is the fifteenth episode for the second season.
 * This is the first time that our heroes' activities in and around Hammelburg attract the attention of General Burkhalter.
 * This episode has certain similarities to The Informer, the series pilot.

Background Trivia

 * The stock footage of the American B-17s taking off from their airfield comes from the acclaimed World War II documentary film, Memphis Belle: A Story of a Flying Fortress.
 * Hogan's "Grand Hotel" statement is an allusion to Grand Hotel - the popular 1932 movie starring Greta Garbo, John Barrymore, Joan Crawford, and Wallace Beery. To quote the Wikipedia entry, "The phrase 'Grand Hotel theme' came to be used for any dramatic movie following the activities of various people in a large busy place, with some of the characters' lives overlapping in odd ways and some of them remaining unaware of one another's existence." The allusion is an apt one, in Stalag 13's case.

Timeline Notes and Specuations

 * This is the fourth episode in chronological order. Per the series timeline, it follows Cupid Comes to Stalag 13. The next episode in sequence is Hot Money.
 * This episode appears to take place in late September 1942.
 * This occurs before A Tiger Hunt in Paris, since Hogan mentions that Klink has never taken a furlough - at least, not yet.
 * Schultz mentions that the old shoe factory in Hammelburg is being converted to a rocket plant. This is false intelligence, planted by Burkhalter, but with just enough truth to attract our heroes' attention. Any news about Germany's rocket production plans would have been tempting bait to an Allied spy. The bombing of Peenemünde, Germany's premier rocket research and production facility, will take place about a year later on August 17, 1943. This would force the Germans to spread out their rocket research and production across multiple locations in order to prevent another such raid from being as devastating.
 * Klink makes reference to a severe labor shortage in Germany, which was made official by the Labor Office on March 21, 1942.
 * General Burkhalter's mention of General Gottfried's location (see Bloopers) is most likely a figure of speech. Burkhalter may have been making an allusion to what would later be known as the Battle of Kursk, the biggest tank battle of all time.

Quotes
First on-screen exchange between Hogan and their latest rescued airman in the tunnels. Hogan addresses him as a Lieutenant, which translates as Captain in the RAF (and so the part is credited).


 * RAF Captain: I have enjoyed this little holiday immensely since I was shot down. (throws dart at picture of Hitler, hits him on the moustache)
 * Hogan (stares, then removes dart from picture): Good. We aim to please.
 * RAF Captain: But I am anxious to get back to England!
 * Newkirk: So am I.
 * RAF Captain: Ahh, yes, but in point of fact, you're actually stationed here - aren't you, corporal?
 * Newkirk (mocking his accent): Err, right-oh.
 * Hogan: Look, Lieutenant, our job is not only to get you back to England, but safely. The Krauts are still searching for you. As soon as the heat's off you'll be on your way.
 * Kinch (climbing down barracks exit ladder): Got some news. Our beloved commandant is leaving camp. (LeBeau and Carter follow him)
 * Hogan: Leaving?
 * LeBeau: Right. With suitcases. Like for a weekend.
 * Kinch: You mean you didn't know he was going?
 * Hogan: We're close, but he doesn't tell me everything.
 * Carter: What do you think it means, Colonel?
 * Hogan: I don't know ... he's never taken a furlough. (looks at the RAF Captain) Klink's a very dedicated Kraut.
 * RAF Captain: Look here, if your commandant is away from camp, wouldn't this be an ideal opportunity for me to, umm, "scamper off home?"
 * Hogan (mock dismay): Escape while he's gone?
 * RAF Captain: Why not?
 * Hogan (paternal look): Lieutenant! That would hardly be cricket.
 * RAF Captain (after a couple of beats): Oh ....

Later, as Hogan chases down Schultz outside Barracks 3 ...


 * Schultz (walking away): Colonel Hogan, I know nothing! Nothing!
 * Hogan (following): You don't know what I'm going to ask!
 * Schultz (stopping and turning to face him): I don't care. I know nothing about everything.

Klink protesting the notion that he might be an Allied spy ...


 * Klink: I'm a loyal officer, sir!
 * Burkhalter: Loyalty counts for nothing, without efficiency. As of now, colonel, you are relieved of your command.
 * Klink (standing, in shock): Relieved of my--?! I'm a career officer, sir. What will become of me?
 * Burkhalter: You may discuss that with General Gottfried personally.
 * Klink: General Gottfried? Who's he?
 * Burkhalter: Another career officer - fighting for his life outside of Moscow!
 * (Klink shivers in reply.)

After "Crandall" is revealed to be a German spy among the prisoners ...


 * Carter: Those dirty sneaks!
 * Newkirk: There is a war on, you know.
 * Carter: Well, that's no excuse for sneaky behavior!

Burkhalter, to Kohler, about Klink.


 * Burkhalter: If we work hard, we may be able to win this war even with Klink on our side.

Newkirk talks with Carter while repairing the perimeter fence ...


 * Hogan: Carter, you make the go.
 * Carter: Alright.
 * Newkirk: You picked the right man for the job, colonel.
 * Carter: Well, it does take intelligence to be stupid.
 * Newkirk (after a beat): Do you mind if I have a little time to think that over?

Newkirk, commenting on the Unsung Heroes.


 * Newkirk: We really are a nasty lot, we are.
 * Hogan: Newkirk, I'm so glad you approve.

Klink delighting in Kohler's downfall, and making a fool of himself in the process ...


 * Burkhalter (to Kohler): You knew we were getting close to the truth, so you found a convienent way to throw suspicion on someone else.
 * Klink (laughing giddily): Those staff officers! They're so clever!
 * Burkhalter (almost barking) - Klink! I am a staff officer!
 * Klink (hastily): I didn't mean you, sir, you're not clever!

(Burkhalter is now glaring angrily at Klink)


 * Klink (even more hastily): You're clever!! You're clever!!!
 * Burkhalter (mean and low): Shut up, Klink.

Bloopers

 * General Burkhalter mentions that General Gottfried is "fighting for his life right now outside of Moscow." This is impossible for two reasons. First, Operation Barbarossa was the only German offensive that closed to within striking distance of Moscow, but that happened at the end of 1941. Second, our heroes didn't start their operations at Stalag 13 until late 1942. (Yes, I know, this is really only one reason. But, it used two sentences!)
 * When the Heroes suggest that he is overly suspicious about Crandall, Hogan replies "Put it this way: the life I save might be my own." He is repurposing a slogan widely seen for many years on U.S. highway billboards: "DRIVE CAREFULLY - The life you save may be your own". Unfortunately, this billboard campaign didn't start until 1947.